New poster but long-time lurker. I think I am overtired and probably being a shrewish martyr as a result. Come on, tell me I'm a cow!
DH and I have a 7 month-old, our first child. For many years before our baby arrived, DH did an activity with several friends every Friday night. (If I say what, it will probably identify me, but there's no booze or drugs involved.) I was fine with this as I would socialise with his friends' partners at the same time.
Now the baby is here, DH has continued with the activity each week and I stay at home with the baby. I am still on maternity leave, and DH argues that I get to socialise with other mums all week, whereas Friday night is the only social time he gets. My counter-argument is that me chatting to other mums (who I've only come to know recently) is like him chatting to his colleagues (with whom he is friendly) at morning coffee and lunch.
I have had two breaks from the baby since he was born: for a quick lunch with a friend, and for a haircut. Aside from his weekly activity, DH also takes time out for regular exercise, which I would love to do but never have the baby-free time.
I would like DH's activity to be less frequent - say once a fortnight or month - so that I could see friends without the baby now and again, or simply have some down time with DH where we're not rushing to get ready for the next day. If I went out every Saturday night, we would have no time as a couple. To top it all off, DH has committed to do his activity all day this coming Saturday too, even though we made plans to go to a family event months ago.
Other info which may be relevant:
- Baby still up several times a night and sleeps poorly during the day. Baby will often only sleep on me, limiting how much housework I can do during the day. Takes a while to get him to sleep, so using a babysitter would be tricky.
- Money is okay, but a regular cleaner would be a stretch.
- I do all the night wakings during the week and, as baby mostly breastfed, at weekends too. DH looks after the baby for a couple of hours on a Saturday morning so I can catch up on sleep.
- We have no wider family support.
- I have had severe PND (hospitalised briefly) and DH is currently suffering from stress (dislikes some parts of his job and new baby/ill wife). DH feels I don't appreciate how hard his job is.
- There have been Fridays when I was really struggling with the baby during the early colic months and DH went out anyway. Once, I begged him to come home and he did, but said I had embarrassed him in front of friends. Tbh, this really hurt me as I had no one else to turn to. I've told him so but he doesn't see the big deal.
- DH otherwise good at pulling his weight around the house, changing nappies, playing with baby while I do housework/pump milk, etc.
- Baby was a long time coming and we discussed division of labour at length, but clearly neither of us appreciated the reality.