About the biscuit?

[Jefferson]

Play date with friend at her house. Both with children aged 3-4.

Friend makes pot of tea for us and brings out some biscuits.

The kids get those plain non sugar ones for babies. I think it was the Heinz biscotti ones. We get chocolate cookies. DS comes over to get one of mine. Friends says oh no he can't have one because then mine will want one too and he doesn't get real biscuits.

So I have to say no. DS (only just turned 3) has meltdown as he can see this plate full of biscuits that only grown ups are allowed to eat. Ends in me saying to friend actually I'm alright you can take the biscuits away, I won't have any (DS still tantrumming). I know his behaviour wasn't great but he is 3 and didn't really understand why he was getting rubbishy biscuits while we got to scoff cookies.

AIBU that this was a bit mean of her?

I was and still am quite strict about DS diet. He doesn't get cookies/cakes etx very often. But if a plate of goodies come out for the family I don't deprive him. I just thought it was really mean.

[ApocalypseThen]

Makes no sense to bring out food that children can't have and tease them with it.

[GotToBeInItToWinIt]

I know someone who does this, maybe it's the same person! There's always an 'adult snack' and 'kids snack'. It always ends in a meltdown from at least one child. YANBU.

[Adarajames]

Oh n
And I thought someone was going to explain why sometimes people so the 'have a ' thing on here!

[Molotov]

Yeah, that's mean and sets a very double-standard. I wouldn't stand for someone dictating to me about what my child could ot could not eat. Like you, I would have declined the biscuits for both of us (and been heartily pee'd off that her actions made my child have a tantrum).

Incidentally, the thing on here is to say 'put a biscuit in your mouth!' - as in, you've just said something stupid, so shut up.

A for your silly friend!

[Oinkypig]

Had to check, the Heinz biscotti have 28g of sugar per 100g Maryland cookies have 30.4g of sugar per 100g (don't know which cookies you had just chose an "adult" cookie at random) Not sure why your friend doesn't want her child to have real biscuits but am assuming it's due to the sugar content and she needs to check that. I also totally agree with your son as to which biscuit I would want!

[Andrewofgg]

Indeed Apocalypse - don't bring out what the children won't be allowed.

I remember at age nine being not allowed a cup of tea because guests' child - seven - was not allowed to and "it wouldn't seem fair". I said He's only seven, I'm nine as only a nine-year-old who knows what's right can - and DF gave way. But then, he did not much like the guests and I think he hoped they would not come back

[Chavaloy]

YANBU! Biscuits are to share (whatever types of biscuits!). If the DC aren't allowed them then they shouldn't even see them!

But thank you Molotov for the explanation of the icon... was never sure what it meant - though would have thought it was someone being nice and offering a biscuit!!!! I'll crawl away!

[Molotov]

That's spot-on Chaveloy (love your username, btw! ): biscuits are for sharing. Everyone should get a happy, warm and welcomed feeling whwn the tea and biscuits come out

[dayslikethis]

Urgh - definitely NBU! Pet peeve of mine. When my eldest two were little, we used to go to coffee shops with friends and there would invariably be a group of "yummy mummies" scoffing huge slices of chocolate fudge cake while they handed dry rice cakes to their children - drove me batty! I had one friend who did it and when she started coming to meet us I would go out of my way to get the biggest cake for my two to eat just to make a point. (they never ate more than about a 1/4 of it, but that really wasn't the point )

[ViolettaBridgettettette]

Its fine for her to say her child can't have one BUT she can't tell you what your child can/can't have

[ViolettaBridgettettette]

don't agree with constantly giving children adult size slices of cake. They are kids after all with small stomachs and its important they eat a balanced diet

[avocadogreen]

I remember going to an nct coffee morning like this... plates of organix gingerbread men and rice cakes for the kids, fancy cakes for the grown ups. We didn't go back!

OP this will be the first of many times you will encounter people with different rules to you though... it's a tricky one but I always try to stick to our home rules as much as possible (though obviously different to a certain extent in someone else's house!)

[dayslikethis]

Who said anything about constantly?

[avocadogreen]

ooh and I've also just remembered the time I gave my friend's 1yo DD a small taste of her OWN birthday cake- apparently it was the first time she had ever had chocolate

[Optimist1]

Going out on a limb here, but I don't think your friend was unreasonable. Children don't always get to consume what adults do - vindaloo, sweetie? double gin & tonic? Of course.

[ithoughtofitfirst]

Reminds me of that stocky woman with the severe bun off Matilda. With the chocolate box that's not for children.

[QTPie]

Used to give the kids "healthy" snacks when little (Organix type things - no junk) and put the "adult snacks" out of kiddie eye sight. But it was always up to the mums what they gave their child. I just don't want a parent put in a difficult situation by their child demanding cake if the parent didn't want them to have it.

Now DS is older (5) I always check if a child is "allowed" cake before a play date: so far haven't found any mums who don't allow cake, but I would respect their wishes (healthier snacks/fruit) if they did. I have also learned to just put "one cake each" out (and a bowl of fruit) - with extras out of sight: otherwise some kids stuff themselves til they come out of their ears... You can always get another one.

Interestingly, a friend of mine insists on giving kids large slices of cake. I had told him to only give DS a very small slice (since DS had just had a few chocolate biscuits). DS took one nibble and thankfully turned his nose up. Nothing wrong with the occasional treat, but would rather DS didn't fill up on a massive slice of cake and then not eat dinner...

[SauvignonBlanche]

YANBU, that sounds annoying.

The means 'no comment' and came about after Gordon Brown persistently refused to answer the question 'what's your favourite biscuit' on a live web chat, chaveloy.

[ViolettaBridgettettette]

Much healthier to have healthy snacks regardless of being a child or adult.

The healthy snack is actually the superior snack in my eyes.

[DisgraceToTheYChromosome]

Unless it's got unreasonable amounts of chili, there's no division of food into child/adult in our house.
My parents ate interesting and tasty food, while we hung over the banisters sniffing plaintively while trying to digest the greymeat stews and boiled fish DM thought suited children better.

[GotToBeInItToWinIt]

Not sure Heinz biscotti can be classed as healthy though violet! As a PP says, they're full of sugar. I wouldn't give DD a giant slice of cake/biscuit but would give her a bit of mine to taste. And it would be my choice to do so.

[GotToBeInItToWinIt]

Agree Disgrace, there's no differentiation between adult and child food here either. DD is more than welcome to have some of our chilli or curry if she wants it!

[VanitasVanitatum]

If she wasn't allowing her DC the chocolate biscuits then I can see why she wouldn't want your DC eating them in front of him, but it seems like a pointless rule when she's giving them what sound like equally sugary biscuits!

[Bulbasaur]

Personally, I'd give my child the biscuit. You don't eat something in front of a kid and not share. Other people's parenting decisions don't rule over mine with my child.

If the kids weren't allowed the cookies, you eat the cookies while they take a nap or something. If they're not good for the kids, they're not good for you either. Instead of issuing double standards, lead by example when it comes to food and teach good habits.

[BlueberryWafer]

Yanbu. This pees me off. Either everybody have a "healthy" snack or everyone have a cookie (although biscotti are not healthy!) Double standards are just ridiculous and placing unhealthy "adult" snacks on a pedestal hardly makes for healthy attitudes towards food/snacking. Treats should be treats for everyone or not at all.