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AIBU?

My husband is a controlling bastard - AIBU to absolutely and silently Hate him

115 replies

MrRected · 03/03/2014 12:02

I am so angry and feel so enraged. Forgive me for this rant and feel free to tell me AIBU for hating my husband right now.

My husband hates our dogs. He hates their mess, their needs, their smell, their very existence. We have polished floorboards and they have scratched the floors (no more than the humans in the house have though).

My husband is constantly complaining - the nett result is that I am a bit defensive. I am always having to listen to him go on and on about the fucking dogs!!!!! The dogs are generally well behaved and I take care of all their needs. I can't stop them urinating on the lawn though - this smells and leaves patches on the lawn. The dogs do tear up the yard a bit - they run around and there is a pathway on the turf. I keep them away from the front garden so that he can keep his manicured garden intact.

Anyway tonight he gets an ice cream out of the freezer - a paper wrapped one out of a multipack. It was stored next to the frozen dog mince. It had picked up a bad smell. DH was cross and started harping on about it. When I didn't rise to it he started shouting.

Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck me I am so sick of him harping on. This is a family home - not a show home. He cannot understand why I am defensive and says I disrespect him because I tense up when he starts banging on.

Why can't he just be a normal human being and enjoy pet ownership. For the record he was part of the decision making process when we got the dogs - which he now denies. The dogs are not allowed to run wild, I don't allow them on furniture or beds. They sleep in the garage.

So upset as I know I need to rehome them. Wish I could rehome him sometimes!!!!!

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SamG76 · 03/03/2014 12:06

Sorry, YABU. It's not "normal" to enjoy pet ownership - some do, some don't. I quite like spending a bit of time with one dog, but wouldn't fancy an entire pack living at home

MrRected · 03/03/2014 12:07

There are only 2 dogs. Not a pack.

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newgirl · 03/03/2014 12:08

Do you have a garage for another place to store dog supplies? That might help!

InCiderMind · 03/03/2014 12:08

Yanbu, sounds like my ex and I hated him.

YouTheCat · 03/03/2014 12:08

If he wanted dogs in the first place, rehome him or put him in the garage.

MrRected · 03/03/2014 12:09

They already in the garage. Believe me, I have done EVERYTHING I can to segregate the two.

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cathpip · 03/03/2014 12:09

Oh that's my dh too, he hates the dogs, believe me they are better trained and less messy than he is. His fave retort about the dogs is "bag and brick"! Our home and garden are clean and tidy, but it also is not a show home, we have two about to be three children. And yes he helped pick the dogs and they are replacements for our old dog, so we are not new dog owners, I feel your pain op, you are not alone!

Pobblewhohasnotoes · 03/03/2014 12:09

Who wanted the dogs?

MrRected · 03/03/2014 12:09

2 small whippet dogs. They are a delight, everybody loves them except him!!!

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theimposter · 03/03/2014 12:10

No YADNBU. I get this with mine too. Fine for his bloody cats to shed hair over everything but I get constant griping about the dog hair/smell. Dog is old and love of my life and if I had to choose one or other then the dog would win...

YouTheCat · 03/03/2014 12:10

I meant put your husband in the garage.

MrRected · 03/03/2014 12:11

I love dogs, so I would have been the instigator for the first dog. He instigated the search for he second dog.

Neither dog was brought into our home without a lot of discussion.

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TheDoctorsNewKidneys · 03/03/2014 12:11

Not everyone enjoys having pets or sharing their home with one, and I say this as an animal lover with cats who are allowed on the beds and all the furniture.

It seems like the reality of having a dog is very different to the idea of it, and even if you "do all the work" they're still there in the house - you still get the dog smell and the hair everywhere on the carpet and you still have to deal with the mud and the poo and the smell of dog food or whatever.

I think you're both being a bit U. He agreed to get the dogs, so he now needs to accept that he made that decision and that he has to live with it. BUT you also need to understand that he obviously doesn't like them and that he is perfectly "normal" to not want to share his home with animals.

Goblinchild · 03/03/2014 12:12

You need to work out a few rules that will make him feel better about having to share a house and garden with the dogs. Unless there are a lot of other problems in your relationship that you aren't mentioning.
We have a cat, OH dislikes cats. I don't expect him to enjoy owning a pet he dislikes, but I do expect him to be reasonable about it.
So you both need to analyse what the key problems are, list them and work out how to solve them. The dog ownership is a non-negotiable, so he needs to be clear about what he finds specifically annoying, and you need to work out what you can do to soften the impact of their presence.

MrRected · 03/03/2014 12:13

What gets me is that he thinks I "disrespect" him!!! WTAF? Is this 1950?

He just doesn't get that I am totally worn down and defensive, and find it difficult to listen attentively at every complaint.

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ShatnersBassoon · 03/03/2014 12:13

Did he want the dogs when you got them?

Stropzilla · 03/03/2014 12:15

I can see this being me and dh. He really wants a dog and I might agree to make him and the kids happy, but it's not what I want. If I were to eat something and find it tasted of dog mince I'd be really unhappy! Get a freezer for the garage. If he agreed then he's going to have to put up with it but don't expect him to like it if he only agreed to make you happy.

ShatnersBassoon · 03/03/2014 12:15

Sorry, I was a bit slow asking the question.

So he wanted the dogs, but won't deal with the downsides of having them? He's being an idiot.

But don't keep smelly dog food near your food. I don't think anyone would be happy with that.

LunchLadyWannabe · 03/03/2014 12:16

The problem with 2 dogs instead of one is that its double of everything he doesnt like

Double the food

Double the dog smell

Double the hoovering and mopping as there is twice as much fur that is shedding

Double the dog poo

Could you compromise on having one dog instead of two?

WilsonFrickett · 03/03/2014 12:16

I don't think he sounds controlling. He sounds fed up with the mess and the piss and the smell. I can understand that tbh.

MrRected · 03/03/2014 12:16

I agree Goblin. I have tried working this out and have asked him to tell me what I need to do to improve things.

So far - I have put the dogs in he garage at night (fine by me).
Banned them from he front garden.
Keep them outdoors if the weather is fine on weekends.
Removed any dog food/equipment to the garage.
Tried to limit walks to he daytime when I know he isn't around.

It's about control. He can't relinquish it. If I am honest - this side of him doesn't sit well with me.

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MrRected · 03/03/2014 12:18

There is no mess, the dogs don't smell or shed. Whippets have the shortest coats in the history if the world.

Happy to go back and triple check that I am. Not missing anything.

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gamerchick · 03/03/2014 12:19

see the problem I have with this is that he agreed to having animals in the house... I wouldn't have free roaming animals in the house in the first place because I know I would hate it.

I don't really know what you can do about it though.. I don't like the thought of uprooting animals like dogs from their homes because one person has changed their mind afterwards.. it's not fair.

LaurieFairyCake · 03/03/2014 12:20

Anyone who bitches after they're part of their decision making is an arse.

Leave the husband, keep the dogs

MrRected · 03/03/2014 12:20

Agree about the pet mince. I have double bagged it in the freezer to avoid a repeat. It has never happened before - we have just changed suppliers.

The cats eat it too - they are his cats and didn't get a lambasting....

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