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So, I offered a fellow mum ...

(137 Posts)
MoistJoist Thu 12-Sep-13 07:58:25

... a brand new (school-branded) uniform set for her DC as she had been unable to order any in time for the start of the school term. I gave it to her last week and she promised to pop the money for it round the following day. She didn't, and I did not hear from her until I received a text yesterday saying she had ordered more uniform for her DC as, after she washed and dried the new set I gave her, they came up a little tight, and that she will return the set to me tomorrow (presumably after her DC has worn it for the whole week ...)

I'm not sure how she's washed and dried it as I have washed the same uniform set (part of the same batch I ordered, and cleaned according to the instructions on the label(s)), tried it on my DS (who is a smidgeon bigger than her DC) and it came up just fine i.e. it is his size. There is every possibility that it may not see him through the entire school year if he goes through a growth spurt, but it is his size.

I'm not really sure how to respond to her text. I'm not close to the mum, but our DC have been cared for together for years and are good friends (and will be in the same class at school, which they are hugely excited about), and I have always liked and respected her, albeit from a distance. I don't think it is worth falling out over this (especially as I am not desperate for the money), but AIBU to consider her text a little bit cheeky, given that it was a brand new set and she'd promised to pay me for it? And WWYD?

StupidFlanders Thu 12-Sep-13 08:35:22

text back: thats a shame- you don't want a shrunk uniform and you've already ordered another set.

Then tell her to contact the suppliers? I don't think that's cheeky.

lollylaughs Thu 12-Sep-13 08:36:10

^Why did you have a complete extra set?

Do you only have a single set of school uniform? confused^

A complete set to me would be trousers, shirt, tie, jersey, blazer, socks and shoes. So no, don't have extra of all of those. But after I posted I see that 'set' can be referred to as a jersey only.

Yes, the other mum is cheeky so if it were me I wouldn't offer her anything in future and put this down to bad experience. The OP did state that the money wasn't the issue, its the principle.

MackerelOfFact Thu 12-Sep-13 08:36:57

Tell her that's very unfortunate as your sets didn't shrink, and that you'll get the receipt for her so she can complain to the retailer about the quality and hopefully get her money back. Meanwhile, can she reimburse you for your initial outlay as she forgot to drop it round when she said she would.

Tuppenceinred Thu 12-Sep-13 08:36:59

Then it's a case of "I think you've misunderstood, I sold you the clothes. I have already ordered and paid for replacements. Please could you drop the money over and I'll give you the order details so that you can contact the supplier about it shrinking".

Morgause Thu 12-Sep-13 08:37:01

Say you'd prefer the money, as agreed, and you've already ordered a replacement.

expatinscotland Thu 12-Sep-13 08:37:52

Next time, don't offer or get the money at time of exchange.

TripleRock Thu 12-Sep-13 08:40:02

Have you already ordered a replacement 3rd set for your DS?

If not, just take it back.

Yonihadtoask Thu 12-Sep-13 08:42:02

Tell her that's very unfortunate as your sets didn't shrink, and that you'll get the receipt for her so she can complain to the retailer about the quality and hopefully get her money back. Meanwhile, can she reimburse you for your initial outlay as she forgot to drop it round when she said she would.

This. She is taking the piss. However it could lead to her falling out with you, so it's up to you in the end.

MoistJoist Thu 12-Sep-13 08:43:07

What makes it more cheeky is that she sent me the text yesterday, saying she would drop the uniform off by Friday - I'm presuming then that her DC will have been wearing it all week. She had told me last week that she had simply bought generic uniform with the school colours for her DC, so there's every chance that's what her DC has been wearing. I doubt it though, otherwise she could have just dropped off the set whenever she dropped off/picked up her DC from school (given that I live so close), rather than scheduling return for Friday afternoon after the school day ... hmm

Either way, I don't see how i can "interrogate" her about her washing, what her DC has been wearing to school etc without appearing/sounding churlish ...

I can afford to write it off, but I don't see why I should have to. No good deed goes unpunished etc. grin

SavoyCabbage Thu 12-Sep-13 08:45:27

I would just tell her that you have already ordered your replacement.

Say that you thought the washing instructions were a bit over the top when you read them but you followed them and now you are glad you did.

AgathaF Thu 12-Sep-13 09:00:57

I think you can ask her how she washed it - you need to tell her that you will have to contact the supplier and see if they will refund you since, if it is too small for her DC it will be too small for yours. She needs to know that you are out of pocket unless you can get the refund.

LeGavrOrf Thu 12-Sep-13 09:05:22

Tell her you have already ordered the next set, and that she agreed to pay you the money. You don't want a worn set of uniform, if it was too tight she should have told you before her child wore it to school for a week.

She has got a cheek. You did her a favour and now she has changed what was agreed. Say you want payment for the uniform.

pinkdelight Thu 12-Sep-13 09:05:44

You don't have to interrogate her. If she's texted you saying she'll drop it off with you, just reply saying no, thanks, it's no use to you shrunk, so please drop the money off instead as agreed. You're not being cheeky. She is and you shouldn't let her get away with it. Keep it light and it won't spoil the relationship.

MoistJoist Thu 12-Sep-13 09:06:56

And yes, I've already ordered and received the replacement, which I've also washed (too bloody diligent, me!). I guess I could try and return the set she brings back, but that depends on the condition of it ...

Bah, all too much effort, TBH! I'll be writing this off and be a bit more wary in the future.

Thanks to all for opinions (and for the person who apparently can manage with one single set of uniform, you'll have to share your secret with me! Although, I guess if I could do the same, I'd never have found myself in this position to begin with! grin)

sunshinesue Thu 12-Sep-13 09:10:47

You need to establish if she's shrunk it. If she has she's a cheeky mare but if she hadn't and it's just a case of it not fitting as different idea of fit/her child having a different shape body to yours she probably thinks she's doing the right thing returning the uniform in it's original (albeit laundered) condition. Especially if you said you'd "make do" without it.

HitTheNorth Thu 12-Sep-13 09:12:20

She has been very cheeky! If you can afford to lose the money, chalk it up to experience and keep her at arm's length in future. Not worth creating a big thing over, but at least you know what she's like now.

choccyp1g Thu 12-Sep-13 09:12:40

Have you considered that maybe someone else gave her some old uniform which she is now planning to "return" to you, while keeping your lovely new stuff for free?
[cynical emoticon]

LeGavrOrf Thu 12-Sep-13 09:13:16

It doesn't matter in the slightest if she has shrunk it. That is of no interest to you, she agreed to pay the money and that was the arrangement. I don't see why you should write the money off, ask the cheeky ratbag to pay you.

It's sad that you do someone a favour and they take the piss.

sunshinesue Thu 12-Sep-13 09:15:24

Ah, just seen you've got a replacement. In that case tell her and that you're banking on her paying you to cover your costs. It's her tough luck and if she's a decent person she'll suck it up.

diddl Thu 12-Sep-13 09:19:23

Not your problem tbh-just ask her when you will get the money!

WillYouDoTheFandango Thu 12-Sep-13 09:20:57

I don't understand why you should have to write it off though. She agreed to buy it, she shrank it, her problem.

If you don't intend to ask her for the money back I would at least let her know that she's taking the piss to prevent her thinking you're a soft touch. I wouldn't worry about upsetting her as she clearly has the hide of a rhino to ask in the first place.

bishboschone Thu 12-Sep-13 09:25:57

Do you think maybe she got a free set from somewhere and doesn't need yours? I went and bought dd a new set yesterday and offered her old sets to the school to give to someone . Is this a possibility?

TooTabooToBoo Thu 12-Sep-13 09:27:41

Maybe the branded uniform is too expensive, she's found cheaper elsewhere and in order to avoid embarrassing herself has made an excuse, then washed the uniform to back herself up?

Shamoy Thu 12-Sep-13 09:28:16

I'd reply and say 'oh no, when you said you'd drop the money off at the weekend I ordered a replacement set for ds which I've already received and washed. I really need the money to cover that I'm afraid. You can't send back items if they've been washed or worn so I'm not sure you'd get a refund, but I can give you the contact details of the supplier if you think it's shrunk and faulty so you can try to get a refund that way?'

sparkle12mar08 Thu 12-Sep-13 09:28:18

She's banking on you saying, oh that's a shame don't worry about it. That way she gets a free set of uniform. I'd lay money on the fact that that's what she's after. Don't let her get away with it. I like the suggestions along the line of "I'd prefer it if you dropped off the money as agreed originally, I can't take it back if you've shrunk it." If she then says oh it's not too bad, you reply with "In that case I still need the money if it's useable and you're keeping it." Cheeky woman.

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