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to think that he is a potential rapist?

(158 Posts)
bitscaredandfreakedout Thu 25-Jul-13 14:26:40

I could really do with some words of wisdom.

Have started seeing a man I met online a couple of months ago. When I first met him for coffee I wasn't initially attracted to him. I agreed to another date as he wasn't in the area for long and I enjoyed his company. Went on a couple more dates, ended up getting very drunk and having sex with him (first man other than my ex in 10 years). Nothing strange or sinister to that and it was consensual. The next day we exchanged a few messages and some of his were very sexual. He was basically describing what he'd like to do to me. Here's where I started to get a bit weirded out. He used the phrase '...fuck you like I'm trying to teach you a lesson' and '..treat you like a filthy slut'. Alarm bells rang and I cut contact right down. Told him that it had freaked me out and he apologised.

On Monday (this is 3 weeks later) I got a text asking if I'd meet him for coffee. I agreed and we had a nice afternoon, nothing sexual and he offered to help me move some furniture this week. So yesterday he helped me and ended up back at my new house. We ended up kissing which I was ok with and then he wanted to take it further. We were laid on the floor and he started to grind on top of me and was grunting. I know that in itself isn't too weird but this was different to anything I've ever experienced before. I honestly felt like if he'd carried on then he was going to orgasm. He got a really glazed look in his eyes and I could feel his body shaking. I gave in and ended up having sex with him. He didn't force me BUT in my heart I kinda felt like if I didn't then he wouldn't have stopped. I don't think I could face the possibility of him not taking no for an answer so went with the easiest option. When we had sex he was saying things like 'you love being fucked, don't you?' (sorry for being graphic) and he pulled my hair pretty hard.

He thinks that I keep pulling away as I don't want any commitment. The reality is that I'm actually a bit scared. Now he also knows where I live. I don't know how to end contact with him. I understand I could just tell him that I don't want to see him again but have a feeling he could get nasty

bumbleymummy Sun 28-Jul-13 09:57:32

My 'out of context quote' was directed at Cailin, not you wobbly.

I agree that he did not respect her and I think he is an ass and that she should get rid of him. I have already said that I agree that she was subjected to a sexual assault so I'm not sure why you think I am overlooking that. Of course she can be angry about that and of course it wasn't her fault (where have I said that was?!) Why does it have to be labelled as rape for her to be entitled to be angry/upset?

ImagineJL Sun 28-Jul-13 10:03:49

Personally I wouldn't just keep making excuses and hope he gets the message. That might annoy him and he doesn't sound like someone I'd want to annoy.

I think you should be upfront. Just say thank you for his help with the house, you enjoyed the time you spent together, but you don't feel the chemistry is there for a relationship so you're calling it a day. Wish him well and sign off.

Wellwobbly Wed 31-Jul-13 09:06:12

Thanks for the clarification Bumbley. That makes a lot more sense.

OverTheFieldsAndFarAway Wed 31-Jul-13 09:31:14

So you were not attracted to him but ended up sleeping with him. Alarm bells rang but you still met up again. You put yourself in a position were you were alone with him. You were kissing to the point were you were both on the floor. You had sex with him when you really didn't want to. Unless you said " NO " you were giving him the go ahead. Am I the only one who thinks you have been extremely stupid and naive to put yourself in such a situation.

tallwivglasses Wed 31-Jul-13 09:39:05

Well done Over, I'm sure that's made the OP feel a whole lot better.

SneakyNuts Wed 31-Jul-13 09:52:29

Over hmm

OverTheFieldsAndFarAway Wed 31-Jul-13 10:02:30

Op would be feeling a whole lot worse if he had beat her senseless, viciously raped her at knifepoint. I could go on. Then there's the horrific time stood in court, reliving the whole frigging ordeal to try and prove the bastard is guilty. I could do the hug and there,there luv, but my message speaks of black n white fact. I'm not a horrible person and I do empathise but I am angry.

OverTheFieldsAndFarAway Wed 31-Jul-13 10:17:33

Bitscared, I apologise for my neither helpful or supportive comments. Do exactly as YouStayClassy suggests. I would also tell friends and family.

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