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to think that in some cases being early is as rude as being late?

(97 Posts)
Naysa Fri 18-Jan-13 18:45:47

My DP picks me up mosts evenings from my house at 7.30pm. I don't drive but have offered to get public transport he said he doesn't mind getting me.

Every now and then it takes me a tiny while longer to get ready. So I might be 10 minutes late. He waits outside in the car for me and I always apologise.

BUT... Sometimes he finishes work early or on a weekend when he's not working he turns up 30 minutes to an hour early. I then have to run around getting ready and it really annoys me. He also texts me in a jokey way telling me to hurry up. He just texts me saying "outside" and expects me to come straight out. I've been in the bath before now and he's text saying he's outside.

I've told him that I think it's annoying and he should text me if he's leaving earlier to see if I'm ready and he justs says okay. I've also said I think it's rude and he just says that I'm late all the time.

I've offered to use public transport but he said he likes coming to get me.
Apart from him turning up early we have a great relationship.

AIBU? I'm not, am I? Is it as rude as I think it is.

StrawberriesTasteLikeLipsDo Fri 18-Jan-13 18:46:38

Why does he wait outside?!

Alibabaandthe40nappies Fri 18-Jan-13 18:48:29

You are right, it can be rude. But in this case it seems a bit weird - if you call him DP then surely there is a degree of intimacy?

Why doesn't he just come in and natter to you while you get ready?

JoanByers Fri 18-Jan-13 18:49:35

Why don't you let him in?

I could understand if you were at work or something, but if he is truly your DP, let the man in when he arrives, whatever time of day that is?

bedmonster Fri 18-Jan-13 18:50:10

Yes, why doesn't he come in?
But I agree, family member of mine always turns up to ours early for kids bday parties. We are always right in the middle of tea, washing up from tea, changing, last minute cleaning etc, its just a bit of a pita having her hanging around in that hectic half hour. She's not helpful either! Love her though!

DontmindifIdo Fri 18-Jan-13 18:50:33

is there any reason why you don't invite him in?

BTW - I know someone who was always early for everything by at least 30 minutes, i used to run around trying to get out early, but then I stopped bothering and just to just say "oh I'll be ready/there at X time like we agreed"

So make sure you are on time, not late, but on time, don't rush around getting ready early.

coldcupoftea Fri 18-Jan-13 18:50:45

Why can't you invite him in?! Why does it take you so long to get ready, where are you going??

Naysa Fri 18-Jan-13 18:51:08

Whoops should have mentioned that. I still live with my parents.

My mum is great and he'll cone in when it's just her but my Dad is really aggressive and when we have guests he gets really cold and irratible. Even his own mother won't come in when he's here.

My dad and my Dp work similar hours so my dad is in the house when Dp comes to get me. He said he'd prefer to wait outside than cause issues for my mum and sister by putting my dad in a bad mood. sad

DontmindifIdo Fri 18-Jan-13 18:51:27

Bedmonster - in that situation, I'd just get in the habit of telling them 30 minutes later...

mrsjay Fri 18-Jan-13 18:51:35

he is your boyfriend or partner why is he waiting outside and why when you do let him are you running about daft trying to get ready cant he sit in yours for a while till you are ready , generally being early can be rude but not with somebody who is supposed to be 'close' I think the set up is a little strange tbh

ThingummyBob Fri 18-Jan-13 18:52:13

Tell him to come in and wait confused

Failing that, maybe you should tip up outside in your bath towel/ undies and see what he makes of that grin

mrsjay Fri 18-Jan-13 18:53:32

oh your dad sounds an arse, dont apologise to your boyfriend though he knows what your dad is like , I feel sorry for you a little bit you dont need to treat him as if he is going to get angry like your dad,

ClippedPhoenix Fri 18-Jan-13 18:53:51

Like Strawberries, I'm wondering why he waits outside?

If he's going to be really early, I'd say that's totally up to him and no, you shouldn't have to rush. It would also be better if he text when he's leaving. Tell him to bring a book/read the paper/navel gaze.

It's sort of saying well I'm here now and you SHOULD dance to my tune.

DontmindifIdo Fri 18-Jan-13 18:53:58

I see, then you have to keep telling him you will be on time, if he wants to pick you up 30 minutes early he needs to tell you in advance. Then next time he does it just reply back via text "we agreed 7:30pm, it's only 7, I'll be ready in 30 minutes. Feel free to come in." Don't rush. Eventually either he'll learn if he wants to change timings for a meeting he needs to agree it with other people involved, not just expect them (whoever they are) to be 30minutes early because he is. Or you'll get sick of it and dump him.

ShatnersBassoon Fri 18-Jan-13 18:54:24

Can't he just sit in your room while you get ready to go out, to avoid having to deal with your dad? It seems unfair for him to wait outside.

ThingummyBob Fri 18-Jan-13 18:54:27

oops, x-post sorry!

Try the jumping in the car in whatever state you are in trick.... he might start arriving later, or he might not wink grin

HeartsTrumpDiamonds Fri 18-Jan-13 18:54:28

Tell your boyfriend to pick you up at 7.45 instead?

HeartsTrumpDiamonds Fri 18-Jan-13 18:55:47

Actually I like dontmindifido's solution!

DontmindifIdo Fri 18-Jan-13 18:55:51

BTW - you are right, it's as equally rude as being late, both are saying 'my time is more important than yours' - being early and expecting you to be prepared to drop everything and be ready for him at the point he's ready to see you is basically saying "I am the most important thing in your life"

Gumby Fri 18-Jan-13 18:57:14

Move in with him!

Problem solved

Naysa Fri 18-Jan-13 18:57:56

I'm not allowed guests in my room blush

I've never had a sleep over here when I was a child and my best friend of 8 years - who is a girl - has seen the upstairs of my house a handful of times and my bedroon once.

Sounds really stupid seeing it written down but I go with it so I don't cause trouble for my mum. sad blush

CloudsAndTrees Fri 18-Jan-13 18:58:57

It can be rude, but in this case it's not.

When he's finishing work early, what do you expect him to do. Just drive around waiting until the right time? Or sit on a street nearby until he's allowed to wait on yours? confused

If he's not working and is coming straight from home, I can understand it being irritating. Not rude though.

Your dad sounds rude.

AmberLeaf Fri 18-Jan-13 18:59:16

It is rude.

Rude and selfish.

Be careful of picking a partner who is just like your father.

Bunbaker Fri 18-Jan-13 18:59:54

How old are you?

usualsuspect Fri 18-Jan-13 19:00:14

I think you need to move out.

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