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To think that my reprobate cousin shouldn't be having a baby?

(319 Posts)
BaublesAndCuntingCarolSingers Thu 06-Dec-12 10:27:40

My cousin (I don't have a lot to do with her tbh because she --is a chav--does my head in) has just announced on Facebook that she and her "hubz" (boyfriend) are having a baby. She is not even 8 weeks pregnant hmm

My reasons for this are:

1. A few weeks ago she was doing FB statuses berating "the hubz" for hitting on other gyals <oh God> and doing those wanky "Y wud u go lukin 4 burggers when u got stake at home???" statuses. She is a child in a childish relationship.

2. About an hour after announcing her news on FB she updated her status saying "2 all de haterz out dere imma gonna be a GOOD MOM stop PMing me ur hate not intrested BYE"

3. Neither of them work.

4. She is immature. For example, at a relative's funeral a few weeks back, she sat texting through the whole thing. It was painful to watch.

5. Apparently, according to her Vicki Pollard mates who've been writing business all over her FB wall, my cousin has being trying to conceive for TWO YEARS! WTAF?! Why would you be trying THAT hard to conceive when you live in a flat, neither of you have a job and your boyfriend sounds like a penis? Why?

6. Her twin sister announced the pregnancy on HER FB before her sister had even done it. My head is spinning with confusion. I wonder how I share genes with these people.

<zips up flameproof suit>

orlakielylover Tue 22-Jan-13 00:39:47

where would one put one's trampoline?? <snorts loudly>

1944girl Fri 21-Dec-12 19:37:17

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AlienRefucksLooksLikeSnow Sat 08-Dec-12 13:36:42

Oh lord, very pleased my cousins live miles away.

TantrumsAndBalloons Sat 08-Dec-12 11:46:55

I bet she updates her FB status whilst in labour.

My cousin is planning on doing that. Complete with pictures apparently.

thecook Sat 08-Dec-12 11:41:13


I bet when the baby is born she inserts 'mummy loves (made-up name) into her FB name. Makes me want to puke when I see that.

EverlongLovesHerChristmasRobin Sat 08-Dec-12 11:15:25

Uh oh.

It will be a loooong pregnancy this one.

BaublesAndCuntingCarolSingers Sat 08-Dec-12 11:13:36

Oh God, she is on FB now moaning about her eviiiil mornin sikness.

I need to delete but can't do it. I am obviously one of those people that enjoys rubbernecking at car crashes sad

AlienRefucksLooksLikeSnow Fri 07-Dec-12 12:21:30

Bumped into the sex god Gaffney on the tube once, he was with that tit Ricky (don't know his real name) what a couple of knobs.

SuePurblyFeltYourPresents Fri 07-Dec-12 11:54:51

Imagine him doing the sexing. Blee.

BaublesAndCuntingCarolSingers Fri 07-Dec-12 11:26:37

LOL at Gaffers being outsexed by Well'Ard.

Boak at the thought of being sexualised by Gaffney. Good God. He is like the lovechild of a skull on a stick and a chronic acne outbreak.

SuePurblyFeltYourPresents Fri 07-Dec-12 10:45:07

Dean Gaffney was memorably out-acted, out-smarted and out-attractived by Well'Ard the German Shepherd every week. Brought new lows to the Shag Marry or Die game as we all chose the dog.

PrincessFiorimonde Fri 07-Dec-12 10:37:46

Thanks, Baubles. What delights they are. Another Level seem (seems?) inexplicably to have passed me by, though even I have watched Eastenders in the past, before I gave it up for being full of miserable people being miserable and shouting a lot at each other.

PS Hully you are being very sensible on this thread. I fear for the Church.

BaublesAndCuntingCarolSingers Fri 07-Dec-12 10:27:49


BaublesAndCuntingCarolSingers Fri 07-Dec-12 10:27:16

Dean Gaffney was an Eastenders actor in the early 1990s and, inexplicably, got a lot of lurve from the ladies He was well-known on the womanising circuit.

Dane Bowers was in a shit band called Another Level, again early 1990s. Another unlikely Romeo At one point, he apparenyl had Jordan and Vicki Beckham scrapping over his chubby cock.

PrincessFiorimonde Fri 07-Dec-12 10:23:50

I have heard of Chantelle, Alex Reid and Darren Day (lucky me), but not of Dean Gaffney or Dane Bowers (is that still a 'lucky me'?) blush

<very old person emoticon>

SuePurblyFeltYourPresents Fri 07-Dec-12 10:18:35

I know a Bailee-Rae, which was a new one on me but is apparently quite popular now.

BaublesAndCuntingCarolSingers Fri 07-Dec-12 10:07:59

I am taking bets on the name being either a terrible spelling of an actual name i.e Lillii Maiiee or a made-up name like Chazelle or Keefer.

LOL at Chantelle and the Big Shop. This needs to happen. <rings ITV>

SuePurblyFeltYourPresents Fri 07-Dec-12 10:04:51

Oooo, I'd watch that <lowbrow>

Part of a series: "Chantelle and the Big Shop at the Supermarket". Chantelle and other won't-go's do their weekly shop. Follow Jo Pasquale as he negotiates the aisles of Aldi. Some of the All Saints meet in Tesco Costa - but who will go for the pumpkin latte? Jedward take a wrong turn at Morrissons and are locked in the meat freezer - will they charm their way out? Narrated droned by Jane McDonald.

Be bloody marve, I'd watch that too.

HullyEastergully Fri 07-Dec-12 10:04:20

When you are still a child, and starring in your own drama, and then you have a child, it doesn't tend to go well because you have the child as a reflection of yourself, whereas of course when one brings forth new life, one has to put its needs first.

When that sweet baby with its pink headband grows up a bit and becomes a person in its own right, it tends to go really really not well.

(Speaking as someone who worked with the debris)

BaublesAndCuntingCarolSingers Fri 07-Dec-12 10:03:24

I would watch and then watch again on ITV4+1

AlienRefucksLooksLikeSnow Fri 07-Dec-12 09:59:41

I would watch.

PrincessFiorimonde Fri 07-Dec-12 09:57:44

To be fair, I have a cousin who got pregnant aged 18; the father was someone she'd known only for about 5 minutes (she met him while on holiday in his country). However, over 30 years later they are still together, parents of 4 and grandparents of 3; all of them have jobs (well, apart from the grandchildren of course). So I second those who say it can be done...

But not everyone's life pans out the same way, so I can see why you're concerned.

fence sitter extraordinaire

BaublesAndCuntingCarolSingers Fri 07-Dec-12 09:56:01

I think that we all know too much about Alex Reid. He obviously thinks that we don't.

Idea for Alex Reid's next telly show: "Alex Reid and The Clap Clinic" Alex Reid and other never-weres visit a London STI clinic. Will Darren Day's gonorrhea test come back clear? Dean Gaffney has a nervous wait to find out if the chlamydia he contracted in his early '90s heyday has made a return. Narrated by Dane Bowers

SuePurblyFeltYourPresents Fri 07-Dec-12 09:44:01

EURGH at Jezza and Sinister Graham being the last chance saloon keepers.

Thank you for the Alex Reid link. I am still boggling.

BaublesAndCuntingCarolSingers Fri 07-Dec-12 09:40:24

Oh she is asking on FB how to get a council flat.

You're not going to get one, love. Just so you know.

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