Hi,
I need some advice (and I don't mind you being honest if you think I'm in the wrong!).
I am a mum of a 2 1/2 year old little boy, and I work full time and have a very responsible / stressful job (Accountant) and so does my husband. LO goes to a nursery 5 days per week.
We live about and hours drive away from my parents and my MIL. Every weekend we are expected to drive an hour to my parents, then drive 30mins to MIL then drive another hour back home. When you take this travelling and time we actually spend at other peoples houses we are out all day and end up having to take packed lunches to eat in the car etc as we are rushing around all day.
Now, my MIL is quite laid back and understands that we may not visit every week, however my mum is terrible, and expects us every saturday. It got to the point that I was making myself ill always rushing around and I was getting so angry that I had this demand every Saturday.
Working full time with a toddler is hard, at weekends I have shopping to do, housework, washing etc. and visitng one day out of every weekend means that we don't really get much quality time as a family just the 3 of us.
It came to a head a few weeks ago and we ended up having a bit of a row. I got uspet and told my parents it was just too much for me to visit each week, and it just got shrugged it off and said "well your dad and I work full time too!"
Occasionally they come to us instead but as my MIL can't drive we end up going there anyway (hubby is funny about favouring one set of parents so if we see one set we try and see the other....)
Since the argument thngs have been strained between me and my mum and I only hear from her on a sat morning via text where she asks if we are visiting.
She hates it if we do anything with LO, and goes funny with us about that too. We took him to Disneyworld Florida this year (we asked if my parents if they wanted to come and they said no as they like their beach holidays) but since we've been back my mum has not even aknowedged we've been, has not seen any photo's etc. It's mad.
She is totally obssessed with my son and has said many times that weekends are her time to spend with him. I think she feels I should give up my job so I have more time to spend with her on a weekend.
I do feel guilty and hate leaving LO in a nursery 5 days per week, but we live in a great area with fab schools and have a lovely home, and my job pays for this, and I know as he grows up he will have the benefit. My mum does not see this though and it's like she begrudges us.
Do you think I'm fair to ask for some weekends to ourselves?
So sorry for the huge thread but I'm interested to see what others views are?
xx
AIBU?
Overbearing parents
ILoveChristmas01 · 01/11/2012 12:42
It's lovely when GPs want to be involved and it's great that she loves him so much but it sounds like your mum is being very selfish in my opinion. You work hard and deserve some weekends to yourself! And weekends are not exclusively "her time" to spend with him.
I would start gently reducing the number of weekends you visit and say very firmly that you are exhausted. Plus once he starts school and has a birthday party every fecking weekend you won't be able to travel every Saturday anyway!! 
Wow. Your mother sounds really spoiled and demanding and petulant.
I would be so 
if someone started making demands on my time like that.
Does she have no life of her own to be getting in with?
It sounds like you, your dh and your ds have very little time together as a family unit. And you must be so weary with working f/t and travelling every weekend. Madness. Not to mention petrol costs.
We sees the gps on average every six weeks. We have our own lives to lead. I imagine they do too. One GP bitches about it but that's really tough because I'm not prepared to fill the void in her life by travelling loads. We do enough.
I'd just start visiting less and less until you are at a level where you are happy. You are not responsible for making your mother happy however sulky a d moody she may get about it.
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OP, different parents see their DCs at adults at different points. Some, when their DCs hit 16, some see their DCs as adults at 18 and can drink/vote. Some when their DCs leave home. Some when their DCs get married, some when their DCs get their own home. Some don't see their DCs as full adults until they are parents themselves. And I know one older mum who said it was the point she saw her adult DS for lunch one day and she watched him walk out of his office building on the other side of the street wearing a smart suit, shake someone's hand at the door, and she said for the first time she saw a man, not an overgrown boy. 
Your mum doesn't seem to have made the leap yet to seeing you as an independent adult. She might never, so you're going to have to have an argument because she needs to see she doesn't get to be the one "in charge" in your family. She no longer has a right to tell you how to live your life. However, you also need to realise she doesn't have a right to do this and you can say no.
It'll cause friction, but otherwise you've got to hope she decides randomly she does'nt want to do this every weekend. That's not happened in the last 2 1/2 years, so it's unlikely to just happen now.
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