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WIBU to deliberately do something to annoy my husband?

(104 Posts)
Oakmaiden Wed 21-Sep-11 13:16:01

Basically, I have been invited on a day out to ~Alton Towers with some friends from uni. I completely love rollercoasters, but never really get the chance to go places like this as my husband can't stand rollercoasters, and the children are too little really to appreciate it.

So, anyway. I asked my husband if he would mind if I went. The plan is to go on a week day, so how it would work is: I would drop the children at school, then drive with my friends to Alton towers. My husband finishes work at 2:30 so would pick the children up from school, take them to their swimming lesson and then home. He doesn't usually do school pickups and certainly resists getting involved in after school activities. However, what with the school run and the swimming he is unlikely to get home before half 5.

I asked if he minded if ?I went - he said "No" he doesn't mind - but he would be "annoyed" at having to do the child-runaround. Now, to be honest if my husband wanted to do something that annoyed me - and I told him it annoyed me - then I would hope that he would not do it, if you see what I mean. So would I be really selfish to say "Well, this IS going to annoy you, but I am doing it anyway?" I think it probably would be, but at the same time I do want to go....

As a bit of background - I don't often go off on my own and leave him with the children. In the past year the occasions I can think of include - I had a day out at a spa, which was my Christmas present from him, and I have had to go to parent type meetings at school a couple of times in the evening. I also went away for one night in January on a uni jolly study trip. To balance this - he does go away for weekends occasionally without the children (before we had children he went once a month, now it is more like 3 or 4 times a year). I also take the children away a lot, so he gets relax time at home sometimes (for example this summer he declined to take time off for holidays so I took the children on my own - we went to Devon for 4 days, London for 3 days and Tenby for a week).

So - would I be unreasonable to say "Sod it - I WANT to go, and it won't hurt you to have the children for an evening", or should I decide not to go on the basis that he has said it will annoy him?

worraliberty Wed 21-Sep-11 13:17:31

Oh I'm so sure you know the answer to this already grin

MuthaInsuperior Wed 21-Sep-11 13:18:35

omg tell him you're going and he's got the kids! Then thrust in the direction of the door.

gluttom Wed 21-Sep-11 13:18:35

yanbu - just go.

Oakmaiden Wed 21-Sep-11 13:19:20

But I can't decide? I am really torn. On the one hand it would be selfish to go if it would annoy him. On the other hand - would it be selfish of him to stop me going? I don't know...

YANBU - unless I am mistaken arent they his kids as well???? Why would he be annoyed about doing any "child-runaround" - I dont get it!! Why is it selfish of you to want to go?? Is your DH very controlling or something!

I dont understand these types of relationships at all - in this day and age do we really need permission to go out confused

fanjobanjowanjo Wed 21-Sep-11 13:20:10

If the school runaround annoys him he should have tied a knot in it shouldn't he? Or just had a good old wank for himself. Pfft.

BobblyGussets Wed 21-Sep-11 13:21:36

I hope he is otherwise nice to you OP.
Have you put it to him, that it is sometimes annoying to you to do the run around thing when you are not in the mood? If he finishes work at 2.30, I really hope he's doing the housework whilst you are doing pick ups, swimming lessons etc, the cheeky fucker.

MuthaInsuperior Wed 21-Sep-11 13:21:45

He needs stringing up by the knackers imo.

valiumredhead Wed 21-Sep-11 13:22:07

Oh goodness just imagine having the choice of whether to take the kids swimming or not! And imagine the luxury of being annoyed by it!

Get a grip OP and enjoy your day out.

ChaoticAngeloftheUnderworld Wed 21-Sep-11 13:22:25

""No" he doesn't mind - but he would be "annoyed" at having to do the child-runaround." shock

Does he not realise that he is 50% responsible for his children and that includes doing the child-runaround?

YANBU

TheVermiciousKnid Wed 21-Sep-11 13:23:59

He would be annoyed at 'having to do the child-runaround'? Tough! I don't particularly enjoy doing it, but it's part of being a parent - and he usually gets out of it so it's not a lot to ask him to do it for once! So, all he needs to do to stop you from doing something is to say that it would annoy him? What about you, doesn't it annoy you that he is not saying 'Sure, of course I don't mind picking up at the kids etc'?

Oakmaiden Wed 21-Sep-11 13:27:19

I think his argument - and it is a reasonable one - is that I chose the children's school and I enrolled them in activities, so it should be my time that is taken up getting them to school and overseeing the activities. If it had been his choice they would be at the (crap) school round the corner from the house and not do anything in the evening except homework and tidying their bedrooms grin.

He isn't controlling - but I am aware that he works very hard and treasures the chance to relax at home rather than run from place to place as I do (happily) with the children.

That said - you are right Betty I do feel I need permission to go out. We have had rows before because I wanted to do a bellydancing class which coincided with the children's bedtime. I ended up not doing it. At the same time though - if I said I didn't want him to go out on a given evening/weekend then he wouldn't do it. He would sulk though - so I wouldn't ask him not to unless it was important.

MuthaInsuperior Wed 21-Sep-11 13:28:43

nah he still sounds like a twat.

squeezemebakingpowder Wed 21-Sep-11 13:28:48

Good grief he sounds a bit childish if he's told you spending one afternoon taking his children to after school activities is annoying!

Sounds to me like he gets a nice easy time of it while you normally ferry the kids around, leaving him to put his feet up and do as he pleases!

I too love Alton Towers and it's impractical to go with small children, not to mention expensive, so if I were you I would take this opportunity and go!

YADNBU

Oakmaiden Wed 21-Sep-11 13:29:20

He finishes at 2:30 - but he does have to leave the house at 5am in order to get to work by 5:45, so he has done a full days work.... and in fairness I am currently at uni so don't work very hard at all!

Whatmeworry Wed 21-Sep-11 13:29:45

Tell him you are going to sulk if you can't go, and thus he may suffer a Denial of Service, and that will be far more annoying grin

So, if they went to the "crap" school round the corner would he be doing school runs then??? I think not!!

He sounds controlling however you dress it up. I am sure he works hard but then so do you and we all deserve some down time!

I am out at the gym 2 or 3 times in the week.....no way would I ask for permission to do that! DS is his son as well as mine ...end of! If I were you I would start up that belly dancing class, let him sulk, he'll soon come round. The trouble with people like him is the more you give in, the more he will just want you to stay in and sulk if you dont....he sounds like a big kid! Sorry!

pinkbraces Wed 21-Sep-11 13:32:03

why does he have children?

Oakmaiden Wed 21-Sep-11 13:32:04

Ok. So he is more selfish than me (I always suspected it grin) and I should go.

Super. smile

fedupandtired Wed 21-Sep-11 13:32:24

Why on earth did you go ahead and have kids if doing kiddie things annoys him so much??? I just don't get it.

I'm sure most people would rather sit on their backsides being self-indulgant and only thinking of themselves and what they want to do but you can't do that when you're a parent.

He sounds like he needs a reality check on what being a parent really means.

AKMD Wed 21-Sep-11 13:33:13

Just go. It won't hurt him to have his own children for one afternoon. He can even read a book while they swim!

AKMD Wed 21-Sep-11 13:34:10

FWIW DH leaves the house at 7am and gets back at 630pm. I'd consider that a fairly normal working day so it's not like your DH is working extra-long hours.

fuzzywuzzy Wed 21-Sep-11 13:34:16

So was he dead set agaisnt your choice of school for the kids and now it's a your choice so you deal with it thing, or was it more, he ain't bovvered whatevah, so you researched the schools and enrolled them accordingly?

They're his children too, you're going to be away for an afternoon, that's not a lot to ask, for a person to take responsibility for his own children for the space of an afternoon.

My chidlren have activities after school during the week, I work too and on the days they have activitites we don't get in till seven...it's life. They won't be little forever.

Make a weekend of it smile That'll put the cat amongst the pigeons!

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