Ds (21 months) is home this week (chicken pox). He hasn't been ill at all with it, barely has even scratched.. but we have been at home now for seven working days, nine days in the house and I'm surprised at how undemanding he is of my attention.
My SIL works in a Children's Centre and she is always rabbiting on about how kids need to be talked to and you need to be down at their level and commenting on what they do etc.. but this just doesn't come naturally to me.
I am feeling really guilty I don't play more with him. Every day, we have come down here and had breakfast together, then he just plays away happily in the corner with his cars and buses.. he calls me if he is stuck "duk! duk! and even says "duk!" and signs "please" to get me to help him. He comes over and asks for drinks, he shows me things and about once or twice an hour he plops books on my lap and we read a few. Once or twice a day we have a bout of singing e.g. sleeping bunnies and incy wincy etc.. or he'll point out an "incy wincy" (he thinks anything that looks like a stray hair or bit of fluff is a spider) and we'll play.. or he'll spot some things that are the same and start counting and I will count along..
But when he is playing with cars I just... don't... have anything to say. When he was little and I was on mat leave I used to sit on the floor and play with him all the time, but now I feel downright neglectful.. he just gets on with his thing and I get on with mine and I stay away unless he calls for me. He doesn't particularly like you to direct his play so things like jigsaws and blocks he wants to do alone, he'll have a few mins of ball play here and there and when I am normally about (usually work a four day week, dh too so he has one day with me and one with dh) we always do something like baking or painting and obviously I chat through this..
But my SIL says that the major distinction in language development is the amount of words a child hears and that children in higher income families hear 1,000,000 more woreds than children in lower income families by the time they enter school. I doubt that's true in this house.. it's pretty quiet here most of the time.. She has been hinting he should be combining words and understanding longer instructions and I don't think he can, he can say about 60 or 70 words though?
Am I just the crappest mother ever? And if so, what do I do about it?
AIBU?
to be concerned at how little I seem to talk to my toddler?
innishvickallaune · 16/08/2011 16:04
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gosh, some people are just such.... Assets to the Internet, you know? 
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OP: I am not a chatty person, either. I do have DC with speech delay & even I admit I may not have been the best help re their speech development (DC4's speech came on best after he started watching a lot of TV, in fact).
When your child is playing try to talk to him in 2-3 minute bursts, once every 20 minutes would be plenty. All you need to do is do a slow-paced commentary on what he's doing. The idea is that you are telling them the vocabulary they can use to describe what he's already doing. So like he's playing with cars, and you say "Mummy came to watch you play. You are playing with the red car. The red car is in your hand. You are pushing the red car along. Now you have a red car and a blue car. The blue car goes fast." Etc.
It's dull babble to you but it's all he needs at this stage, just do it in little brief spells around other things you both need to do.
I think you know that you should be talking more; if it doesn't come naturally to you then maybe you will have to make the effort. As Stranded says, just chat away while you're doing stuff or ask questions, or even sing while he's playing. He sounds very contented, but probably would benefit from more stimulation. I have a friend who was a bit like this, and both of her children have had speech problems (one much worse than the other). Not saying this will happen to you of course, but it can't do any harm to push yourself a bit can it?
BTW, this may sound a bit harsh, but you did ask for opinions on whether you're doing the right thing 
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No you are not a crap mum.
My DS (4yrs old) sounds just like your DS, he prefers playing on his own with his cars making up his own little games unlike the more attention demanding children i know through my friends and family. I sometimes get caught up in housework and he'll happily play on his own without a bother until I engage with him. He starts school tomorrow and on the visits he made friends really easily and engaged with all the children without a problem and the teachers have no concerns there either.
If you are concerned and think you could/should talk to him more then try and join in with his play or create games that the two of you could play together to get him talking more
OP, you don't sound like a crappy mum, far from it. Please ignore the unhelpful (to put it mildly) comments from harecare and chocolatelickurs.
Excellent advice from ragged. Talk to him about what he is doing when he plays - he knows what he's doing, but may not always have the words to describe it. That's where you come in It's a technique called 'modelling' which allows you to demonstrate language use to your child. You can use this in daily routines too - bathtime, on the bus, in the shops, getting dressed etc.
Ignore harecare's advice and avoid asking him questions e.g. 'are you playing with your cars?' 'ooh, is that a blue one?' It's very easy to do this, but not so helpful because you're expecting him to give you an answer, and he may not be ready yet. Try to use comments instead of questions. Don't worry if he doesn't respond verbally, or copy what you say. You will be helping to develop his understanding, which children need to develop before their use of language catches up over time.
I'm an SLT and I work in Children's Centres. Your SIl has given you good advice by the way - maybe when DS is feeling better, she can help you to find out where your local CC is? Maybe you have been there already of course, but in case not, they really are excellent places and you will get loads of great advice on how to continue to support his language development at home. Hope that's useful
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