So if you decided not to date again until your kids were older after spilt from ex what does your life look like now?

[Motherofthreecubs]

Been separated two years and only just found my feet really. Been bust with setting up new business and just making sure the kids were settled.

I've decided not too date as

1. I can't ever imagine my self in a relationship again
2. If I did it always turns serious
3. Dont trust men around my kids
4. Kids idolise dad and would probably react very badly.

So my current life looks like work, home, kids. I wake up every morning with at least two of them in bed with me.

Does it get any better ?

12 years post split. No relationship whilst there kids were growing up - no time, just so busy with work and kids.

Now? Two years into a relationship with Bloke off Tinder. He's lovely and kind. Eldest DS at Uni, youngest in sixth form. They both like him.

Life is good.

@Readthestandingorder

12 years post split. No relationship whilst there kids were growing up - no time, just so busy with work and kids.

Now? Two years into a relationship with Bloke off Tinder. He's lovely and kind. Eldest DS at Uni, youngest in sixth form. They both like him.

Life is good.

Ah thanks for replying! Can I ask how old you are? I am early 40s. Dont know if this is 'the end for me'

My ex moved in with his overlap partner and her three kids four months after we broke up.

Meanwhile, I took full custody of our children and supported them through the fall out of our split whilst also protecting the relationship between them and their dad.

Meanwhile, I’m single. And I kind of feel sorry for his partner’s kids. She only broke up with their dad a month before my ex moved in.

I’m still lonely though

It’s been two years since my marriage ended. I feel like I date with my children on my shoulder - how might this affect them?

He didn’t so much :D

@JasperTheHungry

My ex moved in with his overlap partner and her three kids four months after we broke up.

Meanwhile, I took full custody of our children and supported them through the fall out of our split whilst also protecting the relationship between them and their dad.

Meanwhile, I’m single. And I kind of feel sorry for his partner’s kids. She only broke up with their dad a month before my ex moved in.

I’m still lonely though

This is similar to me although the kids never met her and didn't know she existed. he met her son though and apparently they got on! ( she rand me late one night They split up shortly after.

But yes I was bending over with jazz hands trying to maintain every thing was cool so the kids would be ok.

I am not lonely ..yet as I have a kid hanging over me practically I go to bed most nights.

“Bending over with jazz hands” has made me wryly smile. Thank you.

6 years, I’m 35, 3DC. Youngest is 5.

I’m doing a Masters.
I enjoy my part time job.

I can do whatever the fuck I want, and it’s brilliant. I have enough people to consider when decision making, without another (even simple things like, what to have for dinner!)

I see my friends a lot. Don’t have to deal with strops because they’re over or I’ve gone out.

I reckon by the time you gets DD is 16, I’ll be even more set in my ways and totally unable to have a relationship.

I'm 49, was 38 when it all ended. I have a PhD now and a career in Academia, alongside new boyfriend. I can't grumble

I have a partner (met through Old) but he's pretty arms length when it comes to the kids. Most see him a couple of times a week when they're elsewhere or in bed or we go away for a day or two together when they're with their dad. It's a different kind of relationship but I like the space and independence it gives me. None of us want sep parenting or blending.

I dated when my DS was small and all were rubbish. They were never involved in his life. So I think of myself as single all that time. It could be lonely and I resent the time I spent trying to make things work.

I think I was atypical though. Every other woman I knew in the same position had a long term bf or husband in months or years.

*flaw

Should have proof read auto correct!!

I wish my mum and dad did this. Sadly, was presented with a carousel of men and women. Grew to hate it very very fast, and added to my utter anxiety around people I don't know.

Do you have childcare so you can take up a hobby?

I didn't intentionally do this, but I'm 50 and I haven't had a relationship since my ex left.

Just bear in mind that once you are 50 male interest drops dramatically. I'm not saying it's impossible to find someone, but it's much more difficult than when you are early 40s. Men my own age tend to want to date women in their 40s, not 50s and usually they can.

I know while children are small it feels right to focus on them, but they grow and very quickly have their own lives. It isn't healthy for them to feel their mothers life revolves around only them, it's a big pressure when they want to leave home or do their own thing.

So I would only conciously decide not to date if I wanted to be single for me, not for the children. And if I was happy for that to be a permanent state and be single for life.

My ex left when youngest was two. I’ve been single since and she is now 12. I’m starting to feel ready to move on if it happens although not deliberately looking. I’m able to get out more now as the children are old enough to fend for themselves for an evening.
I did feel the impact of being without a partner during lockdown and that was a lonely time because all my friends had a partner to be with. I was working still and felt bad I couldn’t help with homeschooling as no other adults were able to be there to help.
I like being independent though but think I’d like the right partner in my life now.

@Almostwelsh I’m very happy to be single for myself. However, I also refuse to have a partner because both of my parents had a stream of them after they divorced, with no thought as to how that affected us, and often with our needs being forgotten because “kids grow up and leave home, I need to have a partner”.

@ToughTittyWhompus that's got more to do with boundaries around dating and children though.

It is possible to date and keep it separate, at least until things are serious.

I am late 40s, been single for a few years and have children at end of primary. What with my own devastation at separation whilst trying to be everything for the children in the aftermath, trying to cling onto my job, getting a divorce and the pandemic i have not missed having a partner at all! I am now still focussing on having the best fulfilling relationship with my children until they inevitably want to spend less time with me and trying to build up my female circle of friends with quality friendships, being a good neighbour to those around who have had difficult times and being a less fraught co worker. I probably wouldnt be open to a relationship at this point as i feel i have no gaps in my needs and am happy in my own company and have goals that i want to achieve, but who knows in the future, what that may bring and when the time is right i will be open to it.

@Almostwelsh I agree, however my youngest is DC is with me 24/7 as her Dad isn’t around, and my elder two are early teens and don’t spend as much time with their Dad any more, and no family to babysit so even if I wanted to date, I couldn’t.

3 years since we split, he has no contact with DC. I tried dating initially as I was desperate to feel loved after the trauma. Now I'm enjoying the single life, kids are much more settled and I can focus on what I want and what is best for me and the kid with no consideration for someone else.

I do have a 'friend' though mutual agreement and both happy with the arrangement we have. It works, we both get to live our lives as we wish but we fulfill a need we both have.

@Steelesauce if you have a FWB you're not proper single though are you?

I'm 50. Real proper single. No one touches me. Ever. Noone has put their arm around me or held my hand for years. I absolutely ache for it. I have tried arrangements with men a few times and they always end up messing me about.

Make no mistake, once you're menopause age you are not going to be spoilt for choice with men. For anything. And once into menopause you might not even want or be able to have casual sex. It would be a shame to waste your 40s not dating if a relationship is what you want.