How would you describe this?

[greyinganddecaying]

I'm probably not alone as I've felt like this for over a year, but I feel

• like I can't be bothered with people, zoom chats, everything feels too much
• in fact I'm becoming more & more intolerant of people
• I've left loads of WhatsApp groups because I feel that I can't cope with all the chat, people, etc
• I feel awkward on group chats & always feel awkward
• I don't want to do anything. At all. I make an effort to take my kids places, but could happily stay home indefinitely

I don't feel depressed, or anxious. Just fed up with everything - but I don't know what would make me feel better. All the pre-covid things don't work - exercise (can't be arsed), reading/watching films & boxsets (after a day at work my brain is too tired), shopping (I'm shopped out - and have stopped wearing make up over lockdown, which was a big spending source for me).

What can I do to get myself out of this rut?

Sorry @greyinganddecaying I can’t help as I feel like this too. Just bumping for you/

I also feel like this. Life has slowed so much that I don’t have much motivation or energy. I’ve gone off meeting people for a chat over teams calls as there is nothing to talk about.

Perhaps you have found you are naturally an introvert?
Maybe a few solitary walks will give you some headspace to work out where you're at and what you might like to discard or develop.

Thank you all - it's a comfort to know it's not just me.

I think I've always been an introvert, but this is taking it to a complete new level!

My son is the same, it's very worrying. I think half the world has turned in on itself over the last year or so

Start wearing make up again. Honestly you'll feel better for it. X

@Paddingtonitspaddingtonbear

Start wearing make up again. Honestly you'll feel better for it. X

At first I raised my eyebrows at this comment but actually there is something in 'feeling ready' to face the day.

I'm the same, I have no motivation to do anything. I work for myself so don't have to see people. The only thing I have to do is the school run and I dread that! I could stay home forever and be very much content with that

Yes @NakedNugget I suffer with depression and don't ever feel ready to face the day when I'm not face ready. I only put on eyeliner, mascara and blusher and it really makes an whole lot of difference. X

@Paddingtonitspaddingtonbear

Start wearing make up again. Honestly you'll feel better for it. X

I really don't want to! I don't have a confidence problem (not about my face anyway!) & masks rub most of it off. I actually feel much better not wearing it.

Maybe just accept this is where you are at at the moment. Being content at home may become the new norm..It would be good to just have a walk on your own just to keep the body moving but not beating yourself up about the lack of interest might help.
I was an avid reader but can barely make it through a magazine now. My friends keep giving me books as l couldn't get enough before but now they are piling up. I could not do another Zoom chat to save my life. I am peaceful enough pottering around at home and doing a little gardening. Might be the new me or perhaps its only for a season.

I know exactly what you mean @greyinganddecaying and feel very similar.

At first I also eye rolled at the wear make-up suggestion but thinking about it, to be fair I can see where it comes from. Perhaps adapt it to make sure you are propery dressed and ready to face the world rather than wearing trackies or confies/whatever (if that is the case)

The other thing is to let yourself be like that. It's ok to be like that.
We are fed this idea that there is something wrong if you don't want to be in a whirlwind of activity all the time, and that's simply not the case for everyone.
Maybe start by finding pleasure in the simple things, and looking for contentment in the place you're at right now.
Maybe you need this pause, and its not a rut but a rest.

what does it mean to "not be able to cope" with the chat.

It sounds more like social anxiety than "can't be arsed". I can scan a very long social convo & not engage at all -- takes 2 seconds to ignore & dismiss precisely because I "can't be arsed" and am a content introvert. That's rather different from "can't cope". I quite like busy places & observing all the people & human behaviour, interacting with them individually on my terms or wander off to read a book when I'm ready.

I attended a webinar yesterday about ‘languishing’. It seems to accurately describe how you’re feeling.

I'd say this is depression.
Try taking the nhs online depression screening questionnaire

assets.nhs.uk/tools/self-assessments/index.mob.html?variant=42

I had a spell like this but then had a big birthday last month which forced me to do things and actually, I think that’s been the key for me. I’ve had lots of meals out, been to the cinema, we went bowling for Father’s Day and I visited a friend down in london. It’s given me things to talk about (like you I’d tired of zoom and WhatsApp when there’s nothing new to say) and I’ve really enjoyed all the things I’ve done and got me back into the routine of doing things. It’s the having things to look forward to as well that’s helped.

Languishing may be it.

@yeOldeTrout - I get really annoyed with WhatsApp messages and the people sending them! It's not the fault of the people on the groups, it's my issue - that's what I mean by I can't cope with them.

I've tried turning off the notifications, muting the conversation, archiving it (only works until someone posts again) - so leaving the groups is the only thing that's made me feel slightly better.

I just can't be arsed with people, activities etc.

If you're truly not depressed/socially anxious then it's ennui. A feeling of listlessness/dissatisfaction and boredom due to a lack of motivation or excitement in your life.

However, it might be an idea to talk to someone, just in case you do have low levels if anxiety, stress or depression.

How are you doing @greyinganddecaying?

Thanks for asking @Teenagers2grownups0 - I'm ok, no different really - still very much 'can't be arsed' though!

I've carved out some time to read this weekend and managed about 20 pages, which is a good achievement at the moment. But I could easily stay in bed all day given the chance!

Well making yourself read is good. It’s a start, 20 pages of better than nothing. I have a book on the side that I haven’t opened for weeks.

Did you try the NHS depression screen that someone linked above. I was surprised to see that it said I am actually depressed. I thought I was just having a low time (and my gut still says the same so I don’t currently plan to seek advice). It may be worth you looking at it too though?

Even just moving from the bed to the sofa with proper clothes on and perhaps reading your book or watching tv there is a good achievement.

Are there a couple of smal things you could do to lift your mood? I went out yesterday and bought a bunch of flowers which is now looking beautiful on the table and makes me smile. Otherwise, like you, I’d just like everyone to naff off and go away for a while!

There was a great thread a while ago about little things to do to lift mood, I will try and search it out to link. (I was on it but had a different username)

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/feeling_depressed/4215677-Little-things-to-lift-you-out-of-the-shadows

This is it. Worth a browse through. Take care

You sound absolutely fine, op. It's your life, don't let anyone make you feel that you're not doing enough. I think we're all conditioned to be sociable and have insta worthy lives and if you're not doing that then you feel somehow abnormal.

I think lockdown has made a lot of us change our mindsets. We used to have two holidays abroad per year plus weekends away. We rarely sat still. I can't be bothered to even look for anything now. I often sit quietly in my garden and think 'This is the best place in the world' and feel utterly content. Before lockdown I was a bit obsessed with filling time and now I love to wake up to a day with no plans. With people I've become much better at saying no and don't even feel like I have to come up with an excuse.

I read a lot though. I would recommend trying to read more if you can. Matt Haig books are fairly easy to read but leave you quite feeling quite thoughtful and content about how you live your life.