So sick of my partners drinking!!

[Mummyto293]

As the title says- I am getting beyond fed up with his drinking!!
Just a bit of a rant really...

He has always liked a drink for as long as I’ve known him, as have I. I liked having a few drinks 3-4 nights after a stressful day at work etc. I don’t like being drunk.

However he went through a stage where he was buying a crate of 12 beers and drinking them to himself in a night (this was quite often) on the weekend and by himself. He told me he would quite happily only drink 4 beers but because there were beers left in the fridge he feels like he has to drink them. So hence why he would drink the whole crate!!
Obviously this started a concerned conversation asking him whether he had a drink problem/ concerns about his health / concerns about the implications on his liver/ life expectancy etc etc
He obviously things I’m just nagging and getting on at him. So anyway after much discussion he told me he was going to cut down. He actually told me he would have a whole month off alcohol- he lasted two nights before going out drinking with his friends. It’s always excuse after excuse ‘it’s been a stressful day at work,’ ‘it’s so and so’s birthday,’ ‘the football is on’ and I am sick of it
Also his version of cutting down is buying 4 pint cans and having them of a night. The only time he basically doesn’t drink is when he is on a night shift.

I’m pregnant with our first child (my fourth child) and he was / is over the moon. I told him this has to be one of the main reasons he cuts down / stops drinking now so he can be healthy for his child and watch them grow up (he is much older than me). He agreed he would cut down / stop.
Now here we are and he’s back to drinking 4 pint cans every night apart from when he’s working a night shift.

I’ve told him I’ve basically had enough and I’m not watching him drink away our money every single night as well as destroy his health!! He is amazing in every other way apart from this. I’ve told him that if it continues and he can’t put the future of his child above himself then I’ll be leaving as I’m not living my life with a borderline alcoholic! Just ridiculously fed up. If I can easily stop drinking for 9 months surely he can cut down to twice a week?! Eurgh. Rant. Over

He won’t change. But you know that.

He is not amazing. He is a pisshead.

Why would you want a child with that? He will not change. Prepare to go it alone because he will choose booze over you.

It's not much fun, I'm afraid, but you've chosen to have a child with a man who you know from experience to be a long term drinker.

And it's your 4th baby, so you're pretty switched on to the trials of parenthood..

What part of you is surprised that he isn't changing and that you've chosen an unreliable man as your baby's father?

He could have stopped before you decided to have a baby?

There is nothing borderline about his behaviour OP.
He doesn’t want to stop
You can’t make him.
You need to leave.

You've told him you are leaving ... so just leave him ... did you honestly think he would stop drinking? I find it hard to believe you have chosen to have a child with this man.

He is an alcoholic who is not willing or is unable to recognise that. Unless he does he won’t stop drinking.

I’m pregnant with our first child (my fourth child) and he was / is over the moon. I told him this has to be one of the main reasons he cuts down / stops drinking now so he can be healthy for his child and watch them grow up (he is much older than me).

Did you honestly expect this to work? He has to do it because he wants to. He doesn’t want to right now. You’re best off away from him.

Well first of all his suggestion that he would take a month on alcohol was ridiculous. That's not a lifestyle change and it was likely only said to try and shut you up.

You've given him the choice, how long are you going to allow for him to make it?

@Fitforforty

He is an alcoholic who is not willing or is unable to recognise that. Unless he does he won’t stop drinking.

Yep, this... and sadly, even if he does recognise that, it's no guarantee he will choose to keep trying to stop. Or be successful at that.

I may be jaded... my ex DP of 11 years recently died from liver failure in their very early 40s. Our relationship sounded a lot like yours 6/7 years ago.

You can't do anything to make them change. You can only take control of your life (and also think seriously about things like will you trust them not to pass out with the baby in a dangerous position if they help with night feeds, are they definitely under the limit for driving, etc). You have my sympathies.

There is nothing “borderline” about his alcohol problem

Pissheads never change.
I had one of these.
I left him to the drink, in the end.

I was thinking as I started to read this - ‘just leave him’. There’s no other option, because NOTHING you say will make him stop drinking. Nothing. This is not within your control.

But then, of course, you reveal you’re pregnant.

He isn’t going to change. So do with that info what you will. If you stay with him, please, please consider some water right contraception.

How pregnant are you? Early enough that you have options?

Sounds like you will either have to put up with his drinking or leave. You can't and won't ever get him to stop. I mean he couldn't even get through a week without a drink, he continues to drink just because its there.. he is an alcoholic.

Being the child of a drunk is so scary, I speak from experience. Your partner’s priority is alcohol, yours has to be your children. I’m actually begging you to leave.