Flippin fed-up, annoyed and disliking mothers

[tamula]

Long story short, I'm an NNEB (relevant nanny/nursery-nurse training) qualified, CRB (enhanced police check) first aid and lifesavers, non-smoker, driver,13 yrs childcare experience, twins, newborns, 0-13 age range, disabled or whatever is p/c to call it these days.

Had my dd in April, left studying Midwifery in uni to be a mum for the first time. Have no regrets.

But for gods sake why am I being penalsied by other women (mothers), we all moan about how we're pooh-poohed about our jobs as majority sole charge care giver to our children, yet because i have my own child i'm expected to be a teenager again and live on pennies after working a 10-12 day just because i have to take my dd with me, i am a professional person, i dont give more time or attention to my dd, i'm actually quite pleased that she has to share me, as she's with me every waking moment, i have no family, parents decesed and my dp parents are in another country, i'm not complaining but its so difficult.

Most mothers simply wont have anyone with their own child, or the ones that will, want to pay you the same as the 13 year old babysitter.

I'm so cheesed off with it, cant afford to leave her with anyone, cant seem to take her with me, shall i just crawl under a rock?

New mothers are the bloody worst, wait til they have had 2 and 3 they'll blooming leave the children with the postman.

Arrrrgh

[DebsA]

I've joined this verreeee late in the day but I have to say that should anyone so angry be looking after children?

[albosmum]

I think all mothers pay a very large % of income on childcare. I am in a profession (fairly low paid ) but it is graduate/pg only requiring specialist qualifications. On return to work after ds2 80% of my income would have gone on childcare - i have now decided to work evening where only 40% of my income goes on childcare. I choose to work to maintain my professional expertise not for the money - knowing that in 5 years time or so my childacre will reduce and i can afford to return to work.
So maybe you need to think of it as a way of maintaining your skills and accept the pay cut!

[morningpaper]

I'd like my kids to leave me with the postman

he's tasty!

[goldenoldie]

I've got three - agree with you about the postman comment. Already dragged mine in the house once to look at the babies!!!

[Longlegs1972]

Thankin you!!!

[tissy]

longlegs-welcome!

you'll get more of a response if you start another thread!

Go to the top of the page, click on "by topic" then find the "products" topic, and you will be able to start a new discussion

[Longlegs1972]

Hi, I'm new to the site, 1st time mum to a 4 month old boy, trying to fing some ice cube trays with lids..... anyone got any ideas??? Thx

[katyp]

Tamula, have you considered working as a childminder rather than a nanny? Obviously your circumstances may not allow it, but if they did I think you get paid per child so the fact you have your own dd at home wouldn't affect your rate (apart from limiting the number of children you could look after)

[mousiemousie]

I think it is an issue that people who work in nurseries, and in childcare generally, are not very well paid.

In my opinion, someone who is good enough to be trusted with your child should be valued and therefore paid well for the job. Around here jobs are often advertised at around £11k and I think this is wrong.

[fisil]

lockets, I was about to post what you posted - hear hear. I take home £60 a week after childcare. I am in a senior position in a profession that demands a 1st or 2nd class degree plus a professional qualification (I also have a masters degree). I've just worked it out as c. 85% of my after tax pay going on childcare.

tamula, I think that lockets was articulating a very important point. To put it in even plainer words, you have a choice. Lockets and are are/were in the same profession. She took the choice - which is open to me - to stay at home while her children are small. I made the decision to go to work as I don't have the same strength as lockets to be a SAHM! TBH financially we are both about the same off, as she doesn't have to pay for a daily commute, suits, professional expenses (union, association, literature) etc.

Lockets and I are both very positive and optimistic people. We cope with our change in income and status because we are both aware that when faced with a choice we recognised it as a choice and responded to it with an open mind. So please don't jump down people's throats if they try to pass their good nature to you.

[uwila]

Tamula, I really feel you are looking to have your cake and eat it too. You only have a right to what you are offered, and not what you used to be accustomed to. This is a consequence of working as an employee. If you want to set the rules and determine your own rates, perhaps you should consider childminding? It might actually be more suitable for your child too, as you won't have to get her up and out of the house to work with you: the children will come to you.

[blueshoes]

I don't think mums (new or otherwise) are out to exploit you with lower pay. It is pure economics - consider the competition: nannies with no child offering 121 attention against childminders, nurseries with higher ratios and lower charges. It is unrealistic to expect no discount IMO.

Socialisation might be a advantage but not until a baby is 1 year old at least. I hate to say this but for a baby, I would want 121 attention and if the nanny had her own baby, there is a chance she would favour her child - who is to know behind closed doors? So I would not take the chance even for lower fees. Perhaps if you focus on families with older children it might not be such an issue. Best of luck - it is not easy for any of us .

[shellybelly]

er I'm a new mother, well first time mum and whilst I understand partly where you are coming from I don't agree with the ranting on about new mothers, yes each mother has different expectations of what childcare they want and how much they want to pay, but to be quite honest i think a few new mothers will find your comments offensive (its unfair to make a generalisation about new mums), I would have no problem having someone to care for my dd and bringing along their own child infact I think it would be beneficial as I want dd to have interaction with other children and I certainly wouldn't expect to pay pennies for a nanny, on the other hand if I was to hire a nanny who was giving dd 1-2-1 care then I would probably pay that nanny more, this is why if you look at nursery fees you pay more if your child is under 12 months old than if they were say 2 or 3yrs (childcarer to child ratio and all that)
anyway hope you feel better after letting off steam and all that and hope that you find a solution that meets your needs (smile)

[Flossam]

Exclamation marks might have helped, especially in the title. Sleep well.

[tamula]

ok, i was peeved with other mums in a tongue in cheek fashion!

I have been (or tried to be) humourous about it all in every post.

Lets set the record straight - i dont hate mums!

Going bed now...

[KristinaM]

Why dont you put your child in nursery or with a childminder? Then you will be able to get a job at the rate you were paid before. That's what most mums have to do. I dont understand why you are angry at mothers?

[morningpaper]

thewomanwhothought: "I know it's a horrible shock when you go back to work after your first and do your sums, but it is the same for everyone. Try having two."

All very very true

[bossykate]

agree. i'm not unsympathetic - or at least i wasn't till it was all the mums fault. you know, those women who can't take their children to work so therefore need nannies...

[thewomanwhothoughtshewasahat]

this is a case of welcome to teh world of children and work. But in fairness it comes as a horrible shock to us all. But I don't think it's fair to blame the mums.

[flutterbee]

If when I go back to work in a few months time I am offered to do the exact same hours (full time) for half the pay but get to have ds with me at my side all day then I would take it.

I wouldn't dare moan about it I would jump for joy and shout it from the roof tops.

Without meaning to sound rude.....Welcome to planet earth.

[VeniVidiVickiQV]

Can i suggest you use your vote wisely come next election? Is that constructive enough?

[bran]

But Tamula you'll only continue to make youself unhappy if you believe that you have some kind of right to have a child without making compromises in your life. You're angry because other mothers won't subsidise your family, when in reality they are only doing their best to make the right choices for their families. I wasn't trying to Pollyanna-ish, I genuinely don't understand why you feel hard done by compared to other mothers.

[tamula]

lockets - no need to name call, why didnt you articulate what you meant a bit better? sorry babe, dont get mad

[kid]

How much would it cost you each day to have your child looked after by someone else? Take that into account and see that you are better off even with a reduced wage for taking your child along.