Do you remember a specific moment where you realised that being female put you at a disadvantage?

[ChickensHaveNoEyebrows]

I have three.

1. I was about 8, and my best friend was a boy. We went to his house to play and I remember being so envious of his toys. He had lego, a real tool kit, a chemistry set, a metal detector etc. These were Boys Things, and I remember thinking how unfair that was.
   
   
2. From the age of 9 I begged my Dad to teach me to play 'Risk', because he often played it with his friends. He fobbed me off for years, and then one day I came home and found him teaching my 9 year old brother. Apparently, 'Risk' was a Man's Game.
   
   
3. At age 13, I was moaning about washing up the lunch things. My mother and aunt laughed and told me I'd best get used to it. When I said that if I got married, my husband would also wash up, they practically wet themselves with mirth.
   
   
   All of these events made me feel so frustrated and angry. In fact, I spent a large part of my childhood thinking I must have been born in the wrong body because 'proper' girls didn't hanker after a saw, or desire to conquer america, or find washing up boring as fuck. You?

[margerykemp]

As an only child i was raised as the son my parents never had. I did martial arts, had train sets, went fishing, rode a bmx bike. It wasnt until puberty and the emergence of my v large breasts that i realised i wasnt one of the boys.

I hated the double standards at uni about drinking and sex. I resented that guys got to wear shoes they could run in.

But it wasnt until i suffered male violence and read up on it that i came to the conclusion that these werent individual incidents of wrongdoing but a manifestation of societal oppression of women.

[tallulah]

The shopping stereotype does work the other way. We went to get a new vacuum cleaner. At the time DH was the one who did all the cleaning so he was trying to ask the bloke in the shop about the different models, but the bloke was trying to talk to me. I wasn't remotely interested in cleaners and got so fed up with him trying to pull me into the conversation that I walked off (That confused him!)

When we were buying our first house the solicitor insisted on sending everything to DH, so we were wasting extra days while he sent it all back to me (solicitor in my town- DH 200 miles away), even though we'd told her to send it to me. The bank wouldn't do anything without my dad's signature, and also insisted on putting DH's name first on everything.

Then when DH took out a Deed Poll to double-barrel our surnames, firstly the solicitor insisted on seeing him by himself to check he wasn't doing it against his will , and secondly the Deed didn't have to be signed by me and says "I take this new name for myself, my wife and further issue". (So really legally I haven't ever actually changed my name at all....)

[jellybeans208]

I dont think being female means I am at a disadvantage but my dad taught me and my bro how to pay dominoes, chess and cards. Didnt have risk but I doubt he would of left the women out.

I come from a household where the man does the majority of the cooking and I would never expect myself or my mum to do all the cleaning. My DD was on the way to pre school last week and my mum said your mum has to go to work to get the lunch ready for the children and my dd said 'dont be silly only mans cook lunch' As she sees the man deliver it daily That makes me feel quite bad actually think she might have to see me cook more

[jellybeans208]

I dont relate to many of these posts no wonder you feel so strongly about this subject. I have never thought a woman had to be subordinate or quiet. Definitely wouldnt have been expected to give up work. I wouldnt have been expected to do any housework or cooking (sort of good sort of bad because it means I will never be unequal but it means I will also never be housetrained)

Also I still think there was a big thing of girls are clever and boys arent. Ever seen that episode of the simpsons where lisa comes home with high grades and bart gets something like a c and they are all over him. Homer says its because its Bart and is obviously never going to amount to much but Lisa will. I think thats the most true to my RL experiences tv program I have ever seen.

[bucaneve]

This thread is making me feel very very lucky to be the age I am.
I was in the football club in primary school, and we had a boy in the netball team. In secondary school everyone got to have a go at all the D&T subjects, as each form did one a term then swapped around. My As chemistry class was a pretty even split of boys and girls. No one has ever told me that I shouldn't go to university, or have whatever career I want.

Having said that, I do feel the disadvantage now though as an adult, especially when I think about when to have children, and if I'll ever get my career back afterwards, or how financially vulnerable I might make myself if I become a SAHM.

[jellybeans208]

I think with me I relate to garlic butters post as she feels that way as her dad hit her mum. Whereas in my life both my nan and my mum say jump and my dad and grandad say how high? I think its those kind of experiences that shape you as a person. I think its telling that my husband is identical personality to my dad and grandad and I am very much like my mum

[VikingBlood]

I never wanted to take the Home Economics classes, I couldn't give a flying fuck about cooking back then, and I only had to look at a sewing machine for it to begin to smoke. One thing that i always found amusing was that the Textiles teacher was a blond, 6'2" rugby player built like a brick shit house. He was lovely but sounded a bit thick when he talked, not to mention what he looked like sitting over a tiny sewing machine.

[AnnabellaFagina]

Everytime theres a queue for the ladies toilets but not the men's.

My mum used to make me go and help with the washing up after Sunday lunch while my brother went to laze around in the lounge with my dad and Granada because "a woman's work is never done".

[pointissima]

Joseph and his technibloodycolour dream coat. School play when I was nine, the version in which they edit out potiphar's wife, leaving precisely zero parts for girls. This got me thinking that there really were very few stories or plays or films in which girls were the protagonists (except specifically "Girls'" stories which no self-respecting boy could be expected to read).

Church- no sensible answer to why priests were men and altar boys not altar girls, although I was quite relieved not to have to be the latter, unlike my brother

[tippytap]

I remember as a child up, my Dad always telling my sister and I that we could do anything when we grew up, if we worked hard it. I did Chemistry, Maths and Biology A-Level, and thought nothing of it.

I remember coming home from primary school one day, though (I'd've been about 7), to find out that my Mum had thrown away all of me and my sisters toy cars and only left us with the dollies. Mum said we were getting too "old" to play with cars and she didn't want us to grow up "funny".

I also remember being told to "smile" (again as a child) as no boy will want to talk to me if I look miserable.

Not being able to wear trousers to school and having to wear those nasty knickers in PE. We started a petition in Winter to wear the same trousers as the boys and we got dentention as a result.

In my first job being asked by a customer on the phone if they could "speak to a man". I remember being very shocked because although I'd been warned by colleagues that this happened, I didn't believe them.

At the same office being warned by my Team Leader (woman) not to go into the Managers office alone, and if I had to, to keep the door open and she'd try to keep an eye on me. Apparently, the Manager liked "young girls".

Realising after I had DD and working p/t that I would never get promoted with my employers and would not be able to leave jobs until I could increase my working hours again.

Also realising that as a lone parent, even though my X sees our DD a lot, he still works full time, and earns almost double my full time salary, pays more into his co pension and will retire years before me. When we met, we were the same grade, on the same money, at the same company.

There're more, but this is too long already!

Love this thread....

[K999]

I have been honing my inner feminist since lurking on these threads. Tbh I never really thought about this question until recently. And now I realise that there have been so many! ( so thanks y'all!)

(1) not being allowed to play in the school football team, even though I was better than most of the boys
(2) having to wear the stupid gym pants
(3) being offered dance classes (where they wear skimpy outfits) as a substitute for football
(4) being told I couldn't be an alter "boy" as I was a girl....one of the main reasons I left the Catholic faith. It was ok for me to sing in the choir and arrange flowers but no way could I serve on the alter!!

Tbh the list goes on. However as one of two girls I have to say that my dad has always reinforced to my sister and I that we can do whatever we set our minds to and he has been known to fight with the school on occasion - the football episode being one!

[Tota1Xaos]

as a teen I felt I was being pushed into a box that didn't fit, regarding expectations about sociability, appearance but as I went to a girls' school I didnt encounter sexism in terms of the academics. work was far worse - it was only the year I started that it was felt acceptable for women to wear trousers suits (and this was v late 90s!), and there was a real boys' sport/booze culture that limited your career opportunities if you were unable/unwilling to participate.

[msrisotto]

When I was looking for a summer job and my family wouldn't hire me to work as a builder in our own business because "I would distract the boys".

Also, whenever I have been able to get away with things or be treated favourably because i've smiled sweetly and batted my eyelids. I know it's only a young female thing.

[FiniteIncantatem]

I think I was about 12, I remember standing in the garage with my Dad and him asking me to go and get my (2years younger) brother to help him with something. I remember saying "but I can help and I'm right here" and my Dad saying something like "Well I'm sure your Mum's got jobs for you in the kitchen".

I was fuming, but because I was 12, I think I just got frustrated and incoherent because I couldn't begin to explain to him how out of order he was

[FiniteIncantatem]

Also walking along the main road on the way home from school from about 15 yrs onwards and having various people beep and shout comments. It only happened when I was walking alone, never if my brother was walking with me. It happened again a few weeks ago when I was visiting again

[sunshineandbooks]

God! Some of these are terrible. Makes me want to send a message of thanks to my late parents. They were clearly quite unusual and I have been very, very lucky.

[TheSkiingGardener]

I've never felt like that, and I don't now. I did have a lucky upbringing. All girl grammar school where the ethos was that the world was pretty much your oyster and yours for the taking, and parents who backed that up. I was football and cricket captain at Uni and did what is considered by many to be a male dominated subject.

I know there are differences between the majority of men and the majority of women, but I chalk those up to biology and evolution and see them as differences, not one being better than the other.

I've never had a problem in work or felt any discrimination. I've met a few misogynistic dinosaurs but have seen that as their problem not mine and have enjoyed showing them their perceptions are mistaken.

[BikeRunSki]

My mum was known as "Anthony" until she was born. It hadn't crossed anybody's mind that the first born would not be a boy.

[stirlingstar]

I was about 10, and for quite a while had wanted to be a Vicar when I grew up. I mentioned this to my parents once day. Was flabbergasted to learn that you had to be male to be a vicar (early 1980s CofE).

Luckily I lost my faith

[lillybloom]

I was on holiday abroad and they had altarservers who were girls. I think I was around 8. I had never questioned why it wasn't allowed in Britain.

At 15 Despite having very good grades in my exam being told by the career adviser, I was pretty and could be a hairdresser. WTF!!!!! does pretty = hairdressing. I can't even blowdry hair properly.

Being advised by a well meaning aunt to be a lady at uni as I'd be more likely to meet a nice man with potential to keep me financially. Like I wouldn't be able to do that for myself.

[MrsJasonBourne]

Am loving this thread. Lots of these are ringing bells.

Whenever we have a family meal the men all piss off immediately afterwards whilst the women stay behind in the kitchen clearing up. My fil has been like this all his married life and although mil grumbles about it she's let him do it for forty years so it's a bit late now.

If I piss off first and leave dh to clear up he does so with a laboured sigh and mil will usually comment on it. I am usually rude indignant in my reply.

Also reminds me of when I was a receptionist in a garage. Blokes used to ring and ask to speak to the men in the office. If I said they were busy and could I take a message it would usually be to just book them in for an Mot etc. I used to say 'well i can tap buttons on a keyboard as well as they can, would you like me to book you in now?'

[smug]

[ChickensHaveNoEyebrows]

It's interesting, isn't it, how we've all at some point had that dawning realisation that we are living within a system which wants to dictate to us what it is to be female. But without our input

[scarlettsmummy2]

Haven't read all the posts but right now I feel being female is putting me at a disadvantage. I am currently acting up into a management job I absolutely love and have been for a couple of months, I applied last week for the job on a permanent basis, but there have been 10 other external applicants. I wouldn't normally be overly worried, except I am 21 weeks pregnant and haven't told my boss yet as I am petrified he will immediately write me off! I am plucking up the courage to do so tomorrow! I will obviously tell him before they short list next week but I am scared I will be ruled out- even though I know they shouldn't discriminate. If I was a man this wouldn't even be an issue.

[TheSmallClanger]

I had the same experience as VikingBlood wrt playing out topless, only it was water fights. Imagine my joy when I had to go to my friend Edward's after school once, with only my school clothes, and Edward's more laid-back mum suggested I borrow a pair of his shorts and just go topless, as we were only having a water fight in the garden.

I remember a stupid kerfuffle about me getting a pair of patent shoes wet as well, when my brother did things like that all the time and never got into trouble. I was also not allowed to have my hair cut and got into trouble for rearranging my hairslides badly when they fell out.

It was weird - I was allowed to be interested in cars and bugs and animal tracks, as long as I didn't make a mess when I did it.

[NormaStanleyFletcher]

Report aged 12.

Fletch is surprisingly good at technical drawing for a.girl

And screeeeaaam

Off to read rest of thread now