Cash in lieu of gifts...

[cf21]

I’m sure this has been asked before, but I was wondering if people would share their opinions on asking for cash instead of a gift for a wedding.

I’ve lived with my partner for years, we have absolutely everything we could ever need, but we don’t have money for a honeymoon due to maternity pay and paying for the wedding.

I’ve been advised that it’s now common to pop a little poem in with the invite stating that you don’t want a gift, all you want is for the person to attend, but if they insist, help towards the honeymoon would be greatly appreciated.

Would you consider this rude? I would hate to ever offend anyone but if it was me, I would much rather help towards the honeymoon rather than waste money on an unneeded gift.

[thecatsthecats]

Just ask for money or vouchers. In real life, people realise that it is in fact 2017, it's normal to bring a gift and money is more useful than multiple toasters, except for about four people who'll insist on picking something out for you because they're obstinate.

[quaqua]

I always give cash for a wedding, but I dislike the poems. Most people will give cash regardless.

[grannytomine]

Scale back on the wedding to afford the honeymoon, don't make it your guest's problem. But wouldn't you want to give them a present and if you do wouldn't you rather it was something they would enjoy? I wouldn't turn up at someone's house if I had been invited for a meal or a party without bringing something, a box of chocolates, a bottle of wine or a bunch of flowers. If someone invites me to a lovely venue and provides food and entertainment I would feel very mean not to offer something as a gift. I don't even like weddings but I couldn't turn up empty handed.

[BeachysFlipFlops]

I recently went to a wedding where they wanted money for their honeymoon which was fine. They set up a website so you could choose an item for their honeymoon, so ‘drinks on a rooftop bar’ etc and the ‘experiences’ ranged from £10 to £100....

I think it was better than just saying ‘cash for my honeymoon’

[cf21]

Thanks for your advice.

I’m going to leave it there, because, as helpful as most have been, I feel like some people are just being rude.

I know people have differing opinions but there have been plenty of comments for both sides that have been constructive and sent with the best intentions (of helping someone who had asked for advice). But there have also been quite a lot that have been very condescending and have made me feel like a bad person for even writing this.

I am not ‘crowdfunding’ for a honeymoon. These are my friends and family who love me, and if they knew the situation, they would wish to give towards our honeymoon anyway instead of bringing a gift, but I just don’t want to tell them as all I want is for them to be there.

I am very new to Mumsnet, literally in the last few days have I started to actually use it, and this is my first post. But I don’t think I’ll be logging in again. I thought this was a supportive place for people to chat and discuss and help and advise but, and not just on this post, I have found people are not very nice to each other. I certainly don’t want that kind of negativity.

But thank you so much for all the genuine people helping. It really has helped and I won’t be asking for cash. Have a lovely day everyone!

[Intercom]

"a measly £25 from granny"

Measly?

[Insomnibrat]

Ugh i'm going to wedding in the next couple of weeks and the couple have done this.

They aren't wealthy, only one partner works a low paid job and yet they've spent 30k plus on the wedding (I believe one of their parents is quite wealthy), yet have asked their wedding guests for donations towards their 'month in Thailand' honeymoon. I just think it's obscene.

Scale back on the wedding to afford the honeymoon, don't make it your guest's problem.

Glad you've had a change of heart OP. Have a lovely day xx

[Intercom]

I've been to some weddings where the couples didn't put anything about gifts with the invitation, but if anyone asked, they said they would be pleased with a donation to X charity.

[NikiBabe]

When did it become acceptable to crowd fund for a honeymoon / wedding.

[Intercom]

I've been to a c

[cf21]

Exactly wobblywonderwoman! As I said above, i just can’t wait to be his wife and celebrate with everyone!

[wobblywonderwoman]

I doubt you will get duplicates. It will be nice to get some gifts (we mostly received money but got some lovely pieces also- I use them most days)

Main thing is to say have a wonderful wedding and life together

[Mrsevo1]

If you've been living together most people understand that you've already got your home set. We were in the same position so most gave us cash, with other gifts including champagne and photo frames really. Everything was useful put it that way! We never stated on our invited that we wanted cash. From what we and our friends who recently married is that most give money regardless x

[yikesanotherbooboo]

Don’t say anything on the invitations but if people ask you what would you like I don’t think many would mind your saying thank you v much we are saving for our honeymoon

[cf21]

Thanks again everyone! Really has helped!

My fiance’s now worried that we may receive duplicates of things and peoples feelings will be hurt if they see we don’t use them but I think not asking for cash and letting people make their own decisions is best.

I really do just want them there (hopefully they will be since it’s a World Cup match night)

[wobblywonderwoman]

Honestly, most people give money. Especially as you have set up home together. My brother asked for money in his and whilst the wedding was perfect, I just thought it didn't look right at all on the lovely invite (though it was nicely worded )

[SmileSunshine]

Cash gifts are only rude on MN. In real life they're the most practical. Most couples getting married have set up home and possibly already have children nowadays so they don't need 10 toaster, 3 sets of crockery, a couple of adopted goats and a few electric kettles

[Tiredmum100]

Personally I don't think it's rude to ask for money or provide a gift list. I would rather give something or money rather than some present people don't want. My friend got married and didn't do a wedding list or ask for money etc. Bit of a pain really as wanted to give something but didn't really know what to do(ended up with a pic from "not on the high street" didn't see it up any where when I recently went to visit their new baby?). I did the cringe money poem! My cousin had a wedding Web page we could just add to cart how much we wanted to give and pay online. Simple and saved a lot of hassle. Why wouldn't I want to give a gift or money (that they actually want) to a newly married couple to wish them luck for their future.

[Jordy123]

If you don’t have a poem (as most people think it’s tacky or rude) just put..

Bring cash, no cheques!

Who really wants to queue up as cash converters with a measly £25 from granny which inevitably gets eating up by your household bills.

[coffeecow]

We are getting married next year and I didn’t put anything on the invitation about gifts at all. I suppose the honest truth is we would like cash to put towards spending money for our (already booked by ourselves) honeymoon.

Some people have asked what we would like and I’ve replied the generic ‘honestly we are lucky to have everything we need, just bring yourself’ sort of thing and I’m genuinely not too fussed either way but interested to see what we end up with!

[Bonelessbanquet]

I’d rather give money than buy someone a voucher for a pottery making class I wouldn’t want too waste money on an unwanted gift.

[Jeffers3]

I hate being asked for money, the latest wedding I went to I was asked for money and the bride's sort code and account number was written underneath!
I tend to buy a thoughtful gift or a voucher for an activity. Last wedding I went to the I gave vouchers so that the bride and groom could go to a pottery making class.

[LurkingQuietly]

Rach as terrible as it sounds, I really do think what people think others want is often wildly different from what they actually want. At my wedding, we were really, really clear that we didn't want gifts. Guess what, got some cash, and vouchers which were very appreciated and not at all expected. And we got some gifts that I'm sure people thought were thoughtful but are actually just more things to have out on display.

[rachrach2]

LurkingQuietly - it’s responses like that that make me think I should take people are their word as ‘my presence is more important than presents’ and not give them shit they don’t want. I don’t gift cash/contribute to honeymoons as a wedding gift but I like to buy a thoughtful gift but maybe I shouldn’t bother going to the effort and expense!

[EggysMom]

This really is a marmite topic - some people think cash is a good idea (saves having to choose a gift, saves any duplication); others find the idea of funding a luxury honeymoon abhorrent. To be honest, asking on MumsNet won't give a fair representation of how your relatives would feel, you'd be better asking them.