Gaslighting

[PersecutionComplex]

I'm having some trouble with a class and I don't know how to deal with it.
For context, I am an experienced teacher and my behaviour management is generally good. I have to work hard at it as I'm not naturally stern.
But this class is all boys, very much a hooliganism type mentality. They back each other up which makes it quite intimidating at times. I know I'm in charge and work hard at keeping them under control most of the time. But they are quite sneaky and underhanded so I can never quite catch them red handed. If I do issue a sanction, they will deny their behaviour, often with others backing them up, or try techniques to accuse me of always picking on them. They might take things from my desk and pass it around. Make noises and someone will echo the noise so I don't know which direction it is coming from. It feels like they're all in on a joke but I don't know what it is. I start doubting myself and lose confidence in my sanction. I follow through with it but the perp will convince the class that I was wrong, thus making me seem unfair.
I try to stand firm in my decisions, but they can be very convincing in their denial which is why I think they're gaslighting me.
I've never experienced this sort of psychological misbehaviour before. I sort feel like an abused victim. I feel silly to let a bunch of teens affect my confidence. I know I am in charge but I think they can sense my seed of doubt.
How can I take control again?
At the moment, the tasks in class are things like copying from the board, do a test, or worksheets so I can monitor them and watch them like a hawk. But this makes the lessons so boring. Which again, they use against me.
It's like a catch 22, line manage thinks I need to make the lessons more engaging and the behaviour will get better. When I try any activity, it gives them a chance to be silly.
I would really appreciate some advice or even just someone who can empathise!
Thanks

[tinytemper66]

Take phones in as I enter the room, they can't be on them then, use an old box from the photocopying paper and it goes in there at the beginning of the lesson and they collect when the bell goes. I had a tough time with my year 10 thus year as I broke my leg at the start of term and missed nearly all of the Autumn term, it took me until March to get a grip on them.

I don't give them an inch because they will take a mile. I had to ask for help and advice with them despite teaching 20 years and am head of year.

I hope things improve.

[Cat0115]

Paul Dix is responsible for some very similar nonsense in my school too. Book swallowed wholesale by male pastoral SLT. '(Female) teachers need to be more engaging' is a mantra. The male teachers are either tall and imposing or engage the its with banter. My department is all female bar one. (English). I am tall, relatively low voiced, and have a gimlet eye when I need it and 21 tears of teaching to assist me and this year I have been dealing with similar nonsense to the PPs and OP. Our MAT behaviour person looks like he just finished his SAS training. He also teaches a su bject that boys OPT for and for which there is less pressure results wise than English Lang and Lit. Needless to say his 'workshop' on how to deal with behaviour went down unsatisfactorily. I have since called a ex senior head in who is our age and an English teacher to observe us and give us an honest appraisal.

[OhWhatFuckeryIsThisNow]

Luckily Dix got short shrift in our school. Well a couple of male slt think he's wonderful, but our female ceo doesn't, so no go. Giraffe are you me?I said the same thing to a yr 10 boy last week. Trouble is with observations (as we all know) is they behave perfectly when someone else is about. And as for getting their mums in! They'd be little angels and then they think you're a pushover and the mums (why mum?) would think you're targeting their baby.
I know you're on a losing hand if it's not school policy, but a ban on phones has made a huge impact oat our place. Zero tolerance, out anywhere in school confiscated. Refusal after school detention and slt finding them and taking it. (Apart from the pet "bad boy" who blatantly swans about on it and swerves all sanctions)

[Piggywaspushed]

Must admit I am biased against Dix anyway but he is so aggressive on Twitter that that was the nail in the coffin for me. He literally bullies some he doesn't agree with and rounds up his cronies on there.

Luckily (in this instance!), I work in one of those schools where SLT get an imitative, do it for about a week and then forget they were doing it so his ideas never gained traction for more than a week.

[TheOnlyLivingBoyInNewCross]

I have a couple of tactics that work on my kids but I think your class sounds a much, much trickier proposition, because mine, while guilty of low-level disruption, ARE scared of "going too far".

One of mine is to stop engaging with them when I've had enough - I just sit at my desk in absolute silence and get on with my own work, completely ignoring them. It makes them really uneasy, and the last time I did it, the ringleader apologised after five minutes and asked me to start teaching again. But like I say, they are generally worried about serious consequences.

The other one I use but again, depends on the class, is asking them to solve the problem, whatever it is - turn it back on them.

But like I say, neither of these would work with a class who just doesn't care whatever happens to them, which I suspect you might have. It sounds a nightmare.

[Piggywaspushed]

That should have said initiative!

[WhyNotMe40]

Thanks for this thread. I've been having the same thing with one yr 10 class (boy heavy). Great ideas.
I'm determined to up my game tomorrow.
Thanks

[teachingiswank]

I used to do that TheOnly, very, very occasionally and as you say it was highly effective. I did it last year with a really awful year 10 class and one of them complained about me!

[Piggywaspushed]

These people who sing the praises of visualisers (I am so cutting edge I was promoting their use 15 years ago!) mustn't have schools where a) nothing gets maintained b) cables routinely get nicked c) if you are lucky the dept might buy one between 15 rooms and then no one can find out who's appropriated it and locked it in their cupboard and/or d) lil bastards like OP's class will cut the cables or nick them when you turn your back for two seconds!

[ElizabethinherGermanGarden]

Piggywaspushed You're right - I've never had my visualiser wires nicked or cut. Never found that they needed much maintenance, though.

I'm not pretending they are cutting edge - have also been using since about 2005 - but just find them useful to avoid the turning-your-back-on-the-class issue, which a PP mentioned.

It does sound as though the OP might have to think practicalities through more than I did with such a bunch of toe-rags in the class, mostly because they might zoom in on any novelty. One thing at a time!

[truthisarevolutionaryact]

Hope the week has started OK PersecutionComplex ?

Whole classes can and do bully teachers (and support staff) and it's a pain to have to get the power back. And well done for the tactical ignoring of the calculator. Challenging on your terms and when it suits you and ignoring behaviour designed to wind you up - disruptors find it so frustrating to be tactically ignored.

One final suggestion - proximate praise. Sometimes rather than challenging someone who's off task it can help to positively comment on someone who's doing the right thing close to them. Keeps those doing the right thing onside if you're positively reinforcing them. It can have a surprising impact.

[PersecutionComplex]

Thank you. It's been tough yesterday as it was a double lesson. We did a test but strangely enough, they will do exam condition. But the main ring leader did keep trying to disrupt but getting people's attention. A bit of giggling from people who looked up. This boys had a blank paper when I collected! I was being a bit petty later on when he asked to go to the loo, I said no. Then he said " I didn't know it was a prison"
I moved another. And one took his test outside the deputy head office! A pp posted a script about not discussing anyone else, when speaking to them. I've used that but ended tearing a strip off someone outside the classroom. I don't get very angry often but this came so naturally, I surprised myself.
I won't have them after half term now but a new seating plan is my next step. The ringleaders are in the four corners of the room, but it also means I can never catch them all doing stuff having to be near one.
There are actually some lovely boys in there. I look at their faces and I feel sad that I can deliver a proper lesson for them.
The worst thing is, I'm so exhausted mentally, I take it out on my kids at home. It's so unfair and I feel guilty every time.

I even looked at other jobs yesterday.

[PersecutionComplex]

*i mean I won't have them UNTIL after half term.
If only the former was true! Sigh!

[Piggywaspushed]

You mention your Deputy Head ; in all of this, where is your HOD? It is clearly they who made the decision to have boy only groups... Are they stepping in to help, applying sanctions, speaking to/telling off/bollocking the boys, too - or is it all being left to you?

[ElizabethinherGermanGarden]

Watch out for the capacity of difficult kids to dominate when you put them in the four corners of the room. The diagonals make it easy for them to interact with each other and disrupt everyone. It's better (sometimes) to use a slightly offset St George cross rather than a St Andrew's saltire, if you see what I mean. 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁥󠁮󠁧󠁿 rather than 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁳󠁣󠁴󠁿, or maybe 🇫🇮 (Finland - who knew? Best education system in the world...maybe it's a sign!) It's just harder for them to turn all the way round and see each other in those positions.

[ElizabethinherGermanGarden]

You know you mentioned looking at jobs? Might be an idea. Finding the right school makes all the difference (and ofsted grades/results have very little to do with the 'rightness' of the school). It's a bit late for September though - I'm assuming you wouldn't resign without a post to move to.

[LateDad]

I think that these are Y10? First year GSCE for old blokes?

I'm not a teacher, I'm out of touch with modern education but ...

What I'd really like you to do is let them fail ... let them learn the hard way that the world doesn't owe them a living simply because they are male.

I know that you can't really, but the world has all the pigheaded, arrogant men it needs, so a few more failures won't hurt. If the parents don't like it then maybe they can step in and do their part too?

[Jayblue]

I have nothing useful add, but as a female PGCE student this thread has been so useful. I had a class of Year 9s who were very much like this last term and I know you feel. Luckily, as a student teacher, I only had to deal with them for a short time but it definitely wrecked my confidence.

I remember discussing some key offenders with other staff and other student teachers in the school and it was felt that part of it was attention seaking- they are so desperate for adult interaction that an argument is positive reinforcement and a restorative conversation is a treat.

School behaviour policy is a shit show though and there is no real SLT back up even for students who are majorly disruptive and even dangerous. There's also no consistency. It did help in making me prioritise certain things for my school next year though!

Anyway, nothing useful to add but just wanted to say thank you for this thread!

[ballsdeep]

Paul dix is a load of shite.
He just hives u a sales pitch. I've been to two courses and both were exactly the same, word for word for word.

[Piggywaspushed]

What I REALLY don't like about Dix is his unpleasant cronyism o Twitter. He is very nasty on there.

latedad that made me