need a lap-cat... an impossible quest?

[CanadianJohn]

My wife is terminally ill, and will be coming home from the hospital... to die, essentially. She has perhaps 3 or 4 months to live.

My wife desperately wants a cat. Unfortunately, we had to have our cat p.t.s. a few months ago. However, my wife wants a 'lap-cat', a cat that will sit on the couch with her and watch TV, maybe even sleep with her.

So, how do I find a lap-cat... quickly. My current thought is to contact a cat-rescue place and see if they have an older cat who is really calm and placid.

Any thoughts.

[CrunchyCarrot]

I'm so sorry you are facing this OP, and I understand having a lap cat for your wife would be very comforting for her. As you know, that while there's no real guarantee with cats, I do agree your best bet would be an older cat, young ones will be very active and less likely to settle. I remember when I went to cat rescue to find new kittens there were older cats there as well, some very friendly ones.

All the best OP, hope you will find the right kitty for your wife.

[MangoBiscuit]

I think your plan to contact a rescue and ask about older cats is a good one. If at all possible, I would try to find an older male. In my experience, boy cats are more cuddly. That said, our boy prefers DP, and his girl cat seems to prefer me and my eldest DD, so a female might gravitate to your DW more. Both ours have gotten more affectionate as they've aged. The rescue should have an idea of character, and can hopefully advise.

I hope you find your perfect match, and that your wife's time at home is as happy and peaceful as possible.

[Zaranj]

Best wishes. Some breeds of cat are definitely more cuddly. Ragdolls are renowned for this. Maybe contact Ragdoll breeders or an association to see if they have an older cat.

https://www.tbrcc.co.uk/

[Einevinefine]

Echoing what the other posters said about contacting rescue organisations. My rescue cat who has been totally non tactile has become very suddenly and surprisingly a knee nap cat as she reached 13 yrs. It’s on her terms but never ever did I thought this would happen. She’s a factory mass produced tabby.

Maine coons are very affectionate. Maybe there’s a rescue site?

Wishing your wife and you all the best, sorry to read of your news and hope you can find a cat for your home soon.

[susiedaisy1912]

Boy cats are definitely more cuddly in my experience.

[RenovationRenovationRenovation]

Sorry, I don’t think this is fair for the animal. It’s likely to get attached and then lose her.

Not to mention the trauma of moving to a new home. Plus do you want one? An animal is for life - what will you do after?

What about potential (unintentional) neglect when you have to focus on your wife in the end?

The best I can think of is becoming a temporary foster for an animal that will be adopted later, but the animal might come to you traumatised and need more support than you can give.

I am sorry for your situation, but I don’t think you should be getting a cat.

[Noidontknowwhatiwant]

Google ragdoll rescue they might me able to help you. Equally you could see if any registered breeders have any queens or studs retiring. My ragdoll is my shadow and thinks if I’m home I should be sat down being his cat bed!

we ventured into the world of ragdolls as my DH was desperate for a lapcat after always having aloof cats. They also have super silky fur.

[MayThe4th]

I’m sorry I agree with *@RenovationRenovationRenovation · What you’re wanting to do is entirely understandable and so this isn’t a criticism.

But getting a cat as someone’s last request is doing it for all the wrong reasons towards the cat.

Animals should be rescue for their benefit, and the benefit to us is secondary.

And tbh I doubt you would be approved to rescue in the circumstances.

[Sodndashitall]

Definitely speak to a rescue and explain the situation and they can advise. There are many older cats that love a lap (mine is a old cat from a rescue who loves any lap he can find). Some breeds are particularly good for this Persians for example (Strawberry rescue have a few oldies at the moment). But loads of places have old cats as people always want kittens (Bow Lodge babies is another good one). Depending on where you live https://www.catchat.org/index.php has a good list of rescues. I'd advise the smaller ones as the big names tend to be very rules based whereas I think you will be better off speaking to them about your situation.

The right cat will give a lot of love and you could even offer to Foster one if they're concerned about timelines

[rubyredknowsitall]

seconding a ragdoll breed cat - very friendly

[MayThe4th]

Fostering would surely be the better alternative?

The reasons here really are understandable, so I’m not unsympathetic to that. But we can’t lose sight that this is a living animal we’re talking about, and their welfare is paramount here.

I would be really surprised if a rescue would let the OP adopt in the circumstances, and that is likely to mean more upset on his dw’s part, at a time when she really doesn’t need it.

[DaveWatts]

Definitely an old boy rescue cat - as long as you're willing to take on the cat yourself and look after it until the end of its life I can't see why that would be a problem. There's always loads of old cats waiting in rescues and they're hard to rehome, I think you'd be doing a good thing.

[DaveWatts]

And I'm so sorry to hear about your wife, too.

[sashh]

Contact shelters and be honest.

Also have a look for therapy animals, https://petsastherapy.org/ they usually go to hospitals, hospices etc so I don't know if you could get one to visit a private home.

The oldest cat I fostered was 19 years old, she went to live with a lady on the lady's 90th birthday. The cat had not been much of a lap cat until we put her on her new slaves lap and she settled down, just as if she was saying,"Ah, this is where I should be".

[LadyBird1973]

I'm sure the OP will continue to love the cat. And it will bond with him too. Let's face it, cats love whoever feeds them!

I say do your best to give your wife whatever she wants at this time x

[Zaranj]

Best wishes again Op. I wrote further up the thread recommending Ragdolls. I wrote presuming the cat would have a forever home with you afterwards.

There are a few older cats that don’t get on living with other pets or sharing a house with young children. It may be that you can offer one of these a home, particularly as you had a cat before.
https://www.facebook.com/story.php/?id=100063661176395&story_fbid=966720815459949

[lifebeginsaftercoffee]

I think some of these responses are a bit insensitive and harsh - there's absolutely no suggestion that OP would just dump the cat back in the rescue the minute his wife died, or that the cat would be neglected in any way whatsoever.

[DontWasteMyTime]

@MayThe4th

I’m sorry I agree with *@RenovationRenovationRenovation · What you’re wanting to do is entirely understandable and so this isn’t a criticism.

But getting a cat as someone’s last request is doing it for all the wrong reasons towards the cat.

Animals should be rescue for their benefit, and the benefit to us is secondary.

And tbh I doubt you would be approved to rescue in the circumstances.

this

[Toddlerteaplease]

Could get in touch with the Pets as therapy organisation. They may be able to arrange a cat to visit. My cat is very cuddly, she visits my friend in his nursing home. I wanted to sign her up, but she makes biscuits and apparently that rules her out.

[Baldieheid]

Ginger or older boys are, in my experience, the most cuddly cats. You're looking at a 14 year old or older, and they can come with health issues of their own. However, most rescues offer help with the cost of known medical problems.

Our tabby boy turned into a lap fungus at about 10, and had 10 happy years of cuddles till he passed at 20. You may have your wee friend for quite a few years, and if you go ahead, I hope he or she brings your wife and you comfort.

[AltitudeCheck]

Your post made me a bit teary eyed, I think this is beautiful.

If I was your wife I'd also love a cat to keep me company in this situation and I'd want to know it was going to be loved and cared for after I was gone.

Definitely look at fostering/ adopting an older cat, one that is already known to be an affectionate animal. A confident cat is likely to take less time to come out of it's shell when it moves to a new home.

[CrunchyCarrot]

The OP has previously been a cat slave so I highly doubt he wouldn't continue to keep the cat afterwards. :)

[Soubriquet]

Absolutely an older cat from a rescue.

[helpfulperson]

Go and talk to your local rescue and explain. They may have someone suitable or make suggestions. Be clear if it would be a home for life or you are looking for a short term Foster.

[Caspianberg]

I don’t know if it helps, but my grandmother found comfort in a super soft jellycat Rabbit her last few months last year. Yes it’s a teddy, but it was super soft, and she could have it with her at hospital also.