A wrong kitten choice or am I being a snob?

[meadowquark]

Hi. Would have never considered pet, but could see how DS1 loved cats at my parents during summer holidays, and how calming and natural it was for him (he has a short fuse). So researched and decided to get a ragdoll. All good.
We went to a breeder this morning and had a choice between a colorpoint and tabby ragdoll. I set my eyes on the colourpoint, but DS1 loved the tabby. The colourpoint was and I liked that, and the tabby was a bit passive but DS1 liked it because he could cuddle it. Finally, as the cat is mainly for DS1 benefit, I let him choose. What disappointment - he chose the tabby. In my eyes it is quite bland ?? I was driving home all stressed that I am paying lots of money for the cat that I did not like in particular and gave up on the other one. I have probably done the right thing, but my heart is crying.
We will collect the tabby in 3-4 weeks. I feel bad that I feel no joy, and selfish at the same time.
Did I do the right thing?
DS1 is 7. I expect him be the cat's main friend. But eventually I am in charge. What if I resent the cat for being not the one I would have chosen?

[FuckOffJeffrey]

I think you are being a bit of a snob being so upset over the colour. The personality and temperament of the cat is much more important.

I agreed to take my kitten without even seeing him - all I knew was he was a black and white moggy but his mum was a ragdoll so he was very big for his age. He needed a home after the woman who was supposed to take him changed her mind (3 times). As it turned out he had a strange 'moustache' marking that I wasn't overly keen on at first but I don't even notice it now. I love my boy to bits and wouldn't swap him for the prettiest cat in the world.

[OnlyLovers]

I think kittens/cats are like babies, every single one is just gorgeous.

See, I think that about cats but not about babies.

[PurpleHairAndPearls]

I think kittens/cats are like babies, every single one is just gorgeous. I realise I may be in the minority with this

Anyone else remember when Rachel in Friends got the pedigree hairless cat? Is it wrong of me to imagine the OP wearing oven gloves trying to catch a snarling cat

Seriously though, I think cats (like babies!) are generally an unknown quantity as you can't generalise, so anyone getting one should be ready for anything and everything and if they can't cope with this, shouldn't get one. They are living creatures not just a lifestyle accessory. I'm not convinced OP isn't on a wind up though to be honest.

All the proper cat people know that cats should choose their owners, not the other way round. My response when my staff member rang me to tell me a client had abandoned a cat, involved the words "what are you ringing me for, I'm not the fucking RSPCA" Said abandoned cat is now sitting in my place on my sofa, on the softest blanket money can buy, and furnished with a selection of Dreamies and GoCat (only the crunchy and tender, the other one is not acceptable). My mother has just called round with a new pink collar for her. My lovely PurpleCat chose correctly , the second time

[TenForward82]

please do not even bother to scare me off the cat ownership.

I doubt anyone could. You're clearly quite determined to do what you want.

I don't doubt your SON would benefit from the cat's presence, I'm just not sure the CAT will benefit. That's what you seem to be willfully ignoring.

[meadowquark]

For one or another reason, namely breed characteristics, I chose a ragdoll and a kitten. I dont think I have to explain my choice any more.

I also do not have to explain about my son and why I think he would benefit from a cat,s presence. He is proven to be good and gentle and natural with cats otherwise I would not consider.

Anyway, last update to my story. The breeder offered me another kitten, another tabby - almost identical looking to my son,s original choice, but this one was happy and friendly and without a shadow of a doubt I knew it was the right choice for us. By the way, the original choice kitten was still very timid and hiding in corners.

We are happy with the new choice, and please do not even bother to scare me off the cat ownership.

[SurlyCue]

Try finding a rescue cat that is not advertised as "for quiet home only", "no children" "suits a retired person" etc. I looked in the beginning but struggled

don't know where you are but there are loads round here. even kittens in rescue.

[PinkSparklyPussyCat]

Yes, I am quick to judge when talking about living creatures! There are plenty of cats available for rehoming who would meet your requirements - did you bother to speak to any rescues or did you just look on the website?

I have really tried to see things from your point of view but I can't. It's a living, breathing creature with personality and feelings, not a fashion accessory or something to help your son's 'short fuse'.

Oh and have you taken into account the fact that it will be a tie? My friend's cat is 21 and she has had her from a kitten? Are you willing to make a commitment to the cat for that length of time? What will happen if you want to go on holiday? We're going away for two weeks next year and will be paying £252 for our cat sitter on top of the price of the holiday.

There's more to getting a cat than stressing about the colour or breed.

[TenForward82]

standing ovation for yummy

[Stillyummy]

Sorry I had a chat with the cats and they don't want you, somthing about you not being beautiful on the inside.

[Lancelottie]

Our 'timid, shy' kitten (from a rescue litter) stayed timid and shy for a whole 24 hours before realising that Wahey! All the food and toys were hers! And the beds, and the chairs, and the house...

She is also far more beautiful than even the beautifullest pedigree. In her opinion.

[TenForward82]

Lubey, did you even read the update? Or even, any of the thread?

[lubeybooby]

For heavens sake, OP is perfectly allowed to have a preference and find one cuter than the other.

There's no need for the vitriol, OP hasn't barbecued the thing! AND she chose the one her DS wante. Sheesh.

[thecatneuterer]

Try finding a rescue cat that is not advertised as "for quiet home only", "no children" "suits a retired person" etc. I looked in the beginning but struggled.

We have them too. We refer to them as our 'bombproof' cats. If you want bombproof and a specific colour it would be more of a challenge of course.

[TenForward82]

Sorry meadow, but you've gotten over the kitten's looks (congratu-fucking-lations) yet have conveniently found a reason not to take it. But now "he's beautiful"

FWIW I think you're absolutely right not to take it. The cat, according to you, didn't want to go with you. I wonder if it sensed something or read this thread

I still have massive concerns that your "short fuse" son will not have the patience to deal with a living creature that has it's own moods and feelings. Having a sociable cat does not guarantee it will always want to be played with or cuddled. Nothing you've said leads me to feel you understand any of this.

I suggest you find an honest breeder (if it must be a breeder) and be honest with them in turn that you have a son with "special needs" when it comes to animals.

[MidnightVelvetthe3rd]

Don't like the sound of the breeder meadowquark :( I think you did the right thing in walking away

If you are considering a rescue but want a raggie, there are about 6 or so Ragdoll breed specific rescues dotted about the UK, if you google them then find the one nearest you. They usually have a facebook page & a website & list the cats available but I've never seen a kitten on there.

Just a thought :)

[OnlyLovers]

Try finding a rescue cat that is not advertised as "for quiet home only", "no children" "suits a retired person" etc. I looked in the beginning but struggled.

I've seen plenty.

[Wankarella]

Yes some people want bicolour, some want mitted and some love the colourpoints, I loved them all but liked the mitted ones to start with, I had a waiting list for them, some were asked for before they were even born.

[meadowquark]

PinkSparklyPussyCat you are quick to judge.

Try finding a rescue cat that is not advertised as "for quiet home only", "no children" "suits a retired person" etc. I looked in the beginning but struggled.

I am looking at different breeder websites and came to realise that kittens are reserved even without viewing (because I enquired about one which is the last one available in the litter - but the litter cannot be viewed until end of September), which means they are selected purely by their looks!

[Wankarella]

I have 2 ragdolls and used to breed them (registered breeder), they are all different, I had to let the cat pick the people most of the time. Lynx (tabbies) are gorgeous cats.

[PinkSparklyPussyCat]

Why does it have to be a Ragdoll? There are so many cats waiting for a home. To be honest, I still don't think you're the right family to have a cat, especially as your son has a short fuse, but if you absolutely insist on having one, please try rehoming rather than buying. If you adopt an older cat you will know more about it's character and whether it's suitable for you.

[OnlyLovers]

Try a rescue cat instead? IME shelters are good at getting to know the cats' personalities and matching them with the right kind of household.

[meadowquark]

My goodness, you are still talking about it. There has been some further development. I finally got round to the kitten's looks (emotions overtook on the first day), but something else didn't sit quite well with me so I went to see the kitten again. This time the breeder gave me a chance to observe how this kitten interacts with other kittens (previously he was given to sit on DS's lap). The breeder tried to engage the kitten to play with toys and while other kittens played and flopped, this one just turned around and went to a corner. The breeder encouraged him again and again, but we found he just kept hiding in the most further corner. He looked timid and shy along other playful and social kittens. When I came home, I read and read on internet about timid kittens, and have decided in the end that this is probably not the right kitten for us. I saw his sister (reserved already), looking almost identical, however she was curious and friendly and I honestly wished for a cat like that. "My kitten" on the other hand looked like he was begging with his eyes for me not to take him (I may appear overemotional here again).

I am sure we would have loved him. He is beautiful. It just looked like he was not really interested and possibly would do better in a quiet household or in a pair with another kitten.

In the hindsight the breeder wasn't being awfully truthful (he is registered and all that). He kept pushing me to have this kitten. He even said he is not going to have any other kittens until spring. As soon as I said "sorry, but I don't think this one will be right for us" he said "Oh in fact I have a new litter upstairs". I pretended I did not notice what he had said before. I think he took a little bit of advantage of me being a first-time kitten buyer.

We still madly want a ragdoll but perhaps I am not so particular about the looks anymore. This time I hope to get it right which means a fairly social and friendly ragdoll kitten.

I am sure you will still find reasons to have a go at me.

^And this is what I found reading about timid kittens.
If she is shy and withdrawn with the other kittens, she will probably also be shy and withdrawn with you. You may end up with an elusive and nervous cat which does not like being handled. These are not your natural lap cats. Nevertheless, if you can spend a lot of time with the kitten and are prepared for a challenge, there can be nothing more rewarding than seeing a shy kitten transformed into an assertive adult cat. However, if you are working or spending a lot of time outside the house, meaning that the kitten will be largely on her own, it is definitely better to look for a pet with a more easy-going temperament. Also if you already have other pets, a nervous, shy kitten is unlikely to do well in this environment. This is also true for households with small children.^

[BuggersMuddle]

OP - yes I chose just any cat, or rather, he chose us. BuggersMoggy ran away from a neighbour who thought a puppy and a cat in late middle age were a good combo. By mutual agreement we took him on.

He was a ornery shite, ratter and very aloof. That was years ago. He's now 16, still an ornery shite and a ratter, but quite amenable to being picked up for a snuggle, despite starting life as a semi-feral farm cat.

He has also convinced me that he is in fact the most beautiful moggy in the world and that I would always have picked him in a line up of potential kitties. I am totally not brainwashed and have always wanted an elderly moggy who looks like the Felix cat and who brings me gifts Hopefully you will come to feel the same way if you just allow yourself to get to know the cat.

Previous family cats (as kids / teens) were rescues or on one occasion a neighbour's unplanned (but probably easily avoided) cat breeding.

[Wearyheadedlady]

Yes Ten. I know you're right, I am just doing wishful thinking with the OP I think.