My youngest cat T is about 3 years old. She is the most nervous animal. She came to us about 2 years ago from someone I know who was convinced the cat had killed her birds.
T came from a home with 3 kittens, a dog who'd just had a litter, and 3 children who are quite unruly.
This woman told me that T had never been outside, but she'd had enough of her after she killed the birds (the family were out at the time, so she's got real way of knowing exactly what happened).
I'd been looking for a friend for my older cat O so I told her to bring T round.
T has never really settled. Sometimes she seems ok, she approaches us and allows us to stroke her, but if you so much as move she's out of the room in a flash. She won't eat if there is anyone in the room at the time and she won't sit with any of us. During the day she spends most of her time in a hiding hole and will come out when things are quiet and there's less chnace of anyone moving.
If she is on one side of the room and I move my hand to pick up a drink (for example) she is out of the room instantly.
Along with this, she urinates on my things. Clothes if they are left on the floor, bathroom mats, beds etc. I have had her to the vets a number of times and there is no infection or other medical condition.
She has not been upset (to my knowledge) by the other cat. They do not fight but are quite affectionate to each other.
I recently found out that T did infact go outside quite a bit before coming here (we live in a first floor flat).
I think that if I let her out, she wouldn't come back and even if she did she would not walk past a person holding a door open to get back in. The minute you opened the door she'd run away. I know she would. Well, I wouldn't even be able to get her outside, she'd have to follow me down the stairs (she won't be picked up) and when I call her, although she comes sometimes, she won't if I want something.
She urinates outside the tray (she also does use the tray) every few days. I clean the area with the enzyme stuff or with biological washing powder and it's not always in the same place she does it. I have a feliway plug in, but it doesn't seem to have made much difference.
I'm at the point now where I can't do this for the next 16 years. I get home from wherever I've been and am on my knees sniffing around trying to find the lattest puddle 
I spoke to a rescue place and the woman there said I need to think about how stressful it might be for T to go there and then be rehomed. And if she continued with the urinating, the next family might take her back, at which point they'd put her to sleep anyway for her own welfare
She then said I could let her out or I could request that my vert put her to sleep. She thinks that might be the less stressful option for T.
I really don't know what to do. I have no idea if T is stressed with just us or if she is stressed with life. I have recently been in touch with her previous owner who said she was wild the minute she got her (from a pet shop) and had always urinated in the house (thanks for the warning).
Can I have some opinions?
TIA
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The litter tray
Rescue centre suggested PTS for my nervous cat
SilveryMoon · 17/11/2013 13:14
Ok, thanks for that. 
Tomorrow will be 2 weeks since she's wee'd outside of the litter tray!!!!! 
We have a plug in aromatherapy thingy for our anxious cat. It's made a big difference to her - I was really sceptical and laughed at DP for being an idiot for ages when he bought it home from the vet but it's really worked. She sleeps next to it out in the open in the living room rather than hiding under the bed. Our other fat and useless cat got stuck behind the TV trying to sleep next to it 
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