Untrained dogs around toddler

[Dontiknowit]

Am taking my very active, inquisitive toddler to a family party at the weekend. There will be 3 dogs there: one old grumpy one who has previously bitten my dh on the face and scarred him, one quite young but huge siberian husky, and one small dog whose owner doesn't believe in discipline or training (eg at previous family party dog nipped someone and drew blood, owner responded by giving dog a treat).
Party host is insisting dogs are all kept on leads to keep my DC safe which I'm grateful for but I don't know anything about dogs. Do I need to keep my DC away from the dogs completely? She's only 13 months, has been walking for a while but not old enough to explain how to be safe. Can I let her stroke them? How do I keep her safe doing this and not piss off the dogs?
Sorry if this sounds like stupid questions, I've never had a dog myself so just don't know what's reasonable!

[icedaisy]

The thing is even without the bite to dh, you have an old dog, a powerful dog and a nippy dog that has also drew blood.

You don't get second chances with toddlers and dog bites, once it's done it's to late.

I have dogs and a toddler. My dogs are well trained, gentle and kind. But they are dogs. The room is sectioned off and they do not ever play unsupervised together.

It's far to big a risk to take.

[SnuggyBuggy]

Also do people really need to take dogs to parties?

[premiumshoes]

It's not really an option to not go so I will keep my dd away from them.

It's always an option.

[Suzi888]

@Dontiknowit I have a dog and always have been around dogs. But from what you’ve said I’d be scared stiff... I’d rather not go. It’s all very well that the dog knew he was naughty for biting, but it’s going to be a bit late for that after he’s chewed someone’s face off. You can normally tell when a dog is unhappy with a behaviour, lip licking, moving away, tail down, growling, moaning.

How do the owners of these dogs feel? If I was them I’d be nervous and probably kennel them for the day/night. I know it’s their home but is it worth it.

Dogs need space to relax. You’ve said grumpy dog is quite elderly, probably arthritic which means in a bit of pain.

Can the dogs be kept in another room after being walked, at least some of the time so that you can relax?
I agree the dogs sound stressed and irritated, they probably hate parties.

@lemorella imagine if you were old and arthritic and some drunk visitor kept winding you up in your own home. Then when you tell them off they want you put to sleep! The cheek of it!

[LonnyVonnyWilsonFrickett]

I agree your DH's bite was his fault, but three dogs, one of whom is grumpy and one of whom is untrained is an absolute recipe for disaster.

My own dog is beautifully behaved with little people, but he's a dick around other dogs - so in your situation I wouldn't trust him with the DCs, iyswim because I can't guarantee he'll behave 'normally' if he's been stressed by other dogs. This feels really risky to me and not just to your DD.

[Ragwort]

Of course it's an option not to go.

[daisypond]

It's an important family party (great grandparents diamond) which is why I say I need to go but I can easily ensure the dogs are in separate rooms with closed doors. They're all from different families

You do know that only two households are allowed to meet? If your family are going to the party, that means only one other household can be there. So who do the dogs belong to?

[tabulahrasa]

I wouldn’t even take a dog to a party, nevermind with 2 other dogs there that they don’t live with...

So no, definitely don’t add your 13 month child stroking them into the mix.

[Aquamarine1029]

You are insane if you let your child anywhere near those dogs.

[Mosaic123]

Do you have a sling to put baby in? That might work.

[Happenchance]

Just because the old grumpy dog is normally OK around your daughter (though what you have said about him mostly avoiding her doesn’t inspire me with confidence that he is) it doesn’t mean that he will be OK with her at a party, where he will probably be experiencing trigger stacking (multiple stressors on top of each other) such as multiple people invading his space, people in masks, other dogs on leads, party noise etc. If the dogs are on leads, their ability to escape from a scary situation, such as a toddler approaching them, has been taken away from them (their flight response) so they are more likely to react defensively by lashing out at her (their fight response).

I would always be extra cautious with young children around older dogs anyway because their health can deteriorate rapidly as they age, and they can lash out defensively due to pain or diminishing cognition.

I would not take your daughter to this party. Failing that I would keep her, and her toys, totally out of the way of all the dogs for the duration of the party. If at any point that becomes impossible, I would excuse myself and remove her from the situation. Obviously, if one of the dogs does get hold of one of her toys don’t try and take it away from the dog. I would also teach your daughter not to pick up dog toys and prevent her from doing so until she learns.

[RunningFromInsanity]

If she wants to stroke then I suggest you sitting on a chair with her on your lap. When/if the dog approaches you hold your child’s hand and help them stroke the dog down the back of the neck and back.

You could also help her give him treats (if he takes them nicely) so as above, ask the dog to sit and then hold your child’s hand flat with a treat on the palm.

[sillysmiles]

The old grumpy one bit my DH when he was very drunk and got up in the dog's face.

TBH your DH deserved to be bitten.

[WaltzingBetty]

@Dontiknowit

Your DD should never
Chase dogs or approach a dog that is trying to move away
Disturb a dog that is eating
Disturb a dog that is sleeping
Take a toy of the dog's

Please do research safe child dog interactions - the majority of bites occur to children in the home with familiar dogs. Most children are bitten in the face as it's at dog height.

[dollypops15]

I wouldn't be taking my child. If you know the dogs have a history of biting and nipping then not a chance would my children be going. It takes a split second.

[carly2803]

i would not be taking my child

no offence OP but you do not sound dog savvy. I am, and i still would not go. you cannot control dogs and toddlers in the same room/place safely!

a dog in a room full of people will be more anxious than normal. ones that have bitten too. nah

you are being very irresponsible taking your child

[BananaPop2020]

This is an accident just waiting to happen. I find it unbelievable you ask about your “active, inquisitive” child being able to potentially stroke the dogs who you freely admit have a history of biting people. Please don’t do this.

[daisychain1620]

I was always so wary of my kids round dogs when they were little. We had a dog from when mine were toddlers and was so friendly and used to the kids but I never left them unsupervised in the same room as our dog ever. I never trust any dog. If you supervise your child fully at the party and the dogs are on leads then it should be fine but keep alert. If the owners don't watch them properly and you don't feel comfortable then leave. It's not worth what could happen.

[luckylavender]

There's no way I'd be taking my toddler to that party.

[OnlyFoolsnMothers]

Hell no!!! A dog in an unpredictable animal, a toddler is an unpredictable child- it’s a party for humans so the dogs can stay home or I wouldn’t take my child there!

[doubleshotespresso]

It's a flat no

[LillyC]

Given the situation you have described they've already bitten your dh it's a big no no for me. In other circumstances in dogs that are used to live with children it would be different. You would need to be with your little one all the time, and I mean all the time until the dog was used to all of you after a few visits. So in this case as most people said. No

[Purpledaisychain]

@Borderstotheleftofme

Putting a dog to sleep over one biting incident - harsh. You don't know the circumstances. The dog could have been knowingly or unknowingly provoked. Although safety measures should be applied to a dog that has bitten, eg muzzle or kept on lead around people etc.

OP, I wouldn't go on this occasion. And I'm saying this as a dog lover. Three dogs there, two of which have bitten before.

[Purpledaisychain]

Sorry, posted too soon. They might get loose or your DC may get too close. And if you yourself don't know anything about dog behaviour or how to act around them then it is just not worth the risk.

[Purpledaisychain]

And just for future reference, you don't ever let your DD stroke a dog without checking with the owner first. And then you stay right beside her and then hold her hand out to help her stroke the dog. Don't let her pull the fur. When meeting a dog, offer your hand palm up under the dog's chin and let it sniff. That is essentially a handshake where the dog is concerned.