Not really a pet person getting a dog ???

[inchoccyheaven]

Dsd14 gave my dw a 6 A4 page letter at the weekend begging for a puppy for Christmas. She has given a lot of thought to what that means and how she will do all the training and clearing up, walking etc etc. She included timetable of each day of when she is at school and weekends. To be fair it was a very persuasive letter and has left me torn.

She has always wanted a dog and was very upset when her older brother who lives with his dad just bought himself one.

I am not a dog person at all. I had cats before but when i went into rented before we bought our house now didn't get any more cats or pets. My SD does have a hamster and I like it but don't really have anything to do with it.

My Dw would be happy to get a dog but knows I'm not keen and if I say no then we won't get one. I don't want to be the one that has that final decision and even though I have concerns over how hard it will be to have a puppy and the cost and commitment I know that Dsd would love it so much and it would be a great companion for her.

So would I and my 2 ds ( one 16 the other at uni) get used to having a dog in our lives and not regret it ??

If we did get her a puppy we would wait until beginning of summer hols so she would be here all the time to train and settle it in.

Advice please :)

[BiteyShark]

Do not get a dog unless YOU are prepared to look after it for the next 15+ years with all the associated costs. If you find yourself needing dog walkers or daycare because otherwise the dog is anxious or destructive when left it will cost up to £25 per day. Even having insurance doesn't stop all the costs as typically there is a high excess which a lot of visits fall under. Don't forget food, toys, flea/worming/vaccinations, warm clothes for you, lead, collars, training courses and boarding if you want to go on holiday.

I am sorry to be pessimistic but your daughter is so young and things change so quickly at that age. Is she really going to want to be tied down to a dog for the next 15 years when her friends or future partner want her to go out all the time in the evenings or weekends. Saying I will do all the work is easy. I really don't think a 14 year old really understands a commitment that lasts for years (possibly longer than her current age) no matter how your circumstances change.

I love my dog and always wanted one but they are a tie unless you have lots of family that will help look after them at a drop of a hat.

There are lots of positives about a dog but that's because I am happy to live with all the downsides as well.

[adaline]

How is she going to look after a dog if she's at school all day? She might not do any activities but what if she gets detention or wants to go to McDonald's with her friends? She won't be able to go out for the day at weekends - who's going to look after the dog? She can't just go out and leave it all day long while she does whatever she wants.

Mine didn't sleep through the night regularly until he was about seven months old. So up until that point there was at least one waking in the night and even now he's up at 7 everyday to go to the toilet and have his breakfast.

He has mad hours in the living room - he bites, chews, digs at the carpet, jumps at everyone and terrorises the cats - even though his behaviour was perfect two months ago! The teenage phase is a real thing and they all tend to relapse - recall goes out of the window for lots, they pull on the lead and all the hard work and training seems to be totally forgotten! She'll need to train him daily and persist even when he bites, ignores her, jumps up and pulls.

Can she do some dog walking locally first? Maybe via the cinnamon trust or ask at the local vets? It might give her some idea of what she'll need to do on a daily basis.

And please don't think she'll take the dog with her when she moves out. No university accommodation will allow a dog and neither will the vast majority of flat shares!

[Rogueone]

After having our dog I have realised I am a cat person. Our dog is 6. I didn’t want one, my DC and OH were desperate. My OH did all the research and worked out what breed he wanted. Anyway fast forward and the dog has become mine, the DC don’t do anything with him, I feed, bath and walk him. If I don’t do it no one else does. Apart from my eldest when he gets back from uni he walks him and has stayed with him when we go aboard sometimes. Ours has allergies and requires daily medications and weekly baths. Holiday planning is a pain, he has come with us in the car to Spain , Italy and France. When we have left him with my eldest he whines all night which annoys the neighbours. Kennels are expensive and if hiring out a cottage etc it limits your choices. Oh and remember your DSD is likely to be out of the house at 18 or 19 and the dog will be all yours. However for you it might be the best thing that ever happened! All I can say is do I love my dog like one of my DC but I won’t be getting another one.....

[ImogenTubbs]

I am a cat person not a dog person, however DD is badly allergic to cats. She was desperate for a pet so we gave in and got a dog. I am still a cat person but I love our soppy pooch dearly and take my responsibilities to him very seriously.

I try and see him as just a creature who needs love and care, rather than a 'dog' - he is a living being who needs time, attention and understanding, and in a lot of ways having him has been a lot like having another child. It has been hard work but also tremendously rewarding and now he is truly part of the family and much loved. If you can make that kind of commitment to an animal you bring into your home, then I think you'll be fine.

[Chocolateandcarbs]

What about a retired greyhound? They don’t need long walks (apparently... I’ve never had s dog and got this info from a friend) and so may be better for your daughter to look after long term.

[Veterinari]

In addition to the significant lifetime responsibilities (which you have to be prepared for as it’s unrealistic to expect a 14 year old to uphold a 15year commitment) you also need to be aware of the legal responsibilities. A 14 year old cannot legally be responsible for the dog’s Behaviour under the Dangerous dog’s act or for providing for it under the Animal welfare act. They can’t take out insurance including public liability. Legally and morally you will be responsible for a dog if you choose to get one and that is a lifetime commitment regardless of what your child is telling you.

[LadyLuna16]

I’m not sure it a good idea. Puppies need a lot of attention, you need to know where they are all the time and they just have a lot of energy. I don’t think it’s fair to put that responsibility on a 14 year old no matter how much they think they will cope.
Look at the puppy threads on here. So many adults really struggling with the reality of having a dog imagine that at 14 when the only reason the daily have a dog is because of you.

If a family get a pet it is so important that the adults take full responsibility for it and get it because they want to and not for the children.

In 4 years time your daughter may well have left Home and you will have ‘her’ dog for another 10+ years.

[LadyLuna16]

Daily = family

[anonymousbird]

Rogueone. Everyone else in my family wanted the dog, I didn't and I still don't. I love her very much but at the end of the day she's been my issue to deal with and it took me years to find work that's"fitted round the dog".

OP. Your domestic situation is not suitable for dog ownership, your DSD is well intentioned but utterly unrealistic about what is involved and the effect this will have on your dog.

My family already talk about "the next dog".

Not a chance.

I urge you to make the right decision. It's not to be taken lightly.

[agirlhasnonameX]

Agree with everything pp have said.
Don't get any child an animal unless you are prepared 100% to look after it. Kids even teenagers often get fed up when they realise how much work puppies and dogs can be. Its hard enough for adults so I'd never expect that a kid would keep to it without accepting it will ultimately be you who looks after it.
Could also affect her school work at a critical time if she is kept up all night with a crying pup and at 14 she may end up going to uni or work after school, there is no way to tell how she will manage to look after and pay for a dog as she gets older.
Maybe something low maintenance would be good for her just now.
Not everyone's cup of tea but along with a puppy and rabbits we have a snake. She is so docile, not expensive to keep, eats once a week, hardly any cleaning and only needs handled a few times a week. Really great pets for kids imo.

[YoureAllABunchOfBastards]

A retired greyhound or older rescue might be the answer here, and then when she is old enough to move out she can have her puppy.

[Rogueone]

anonymousbird I feel exactly the same as you! I have already told everyone that there will not be another dog ever.

[Snappymcsnappy]

I don’t think you should get a cavalier.
They have some very serious health issues, most don’t live much beyond 5 or 6 years due to heart failure.

I would be cautious about a German shepherd aswell, they are one of my favourite breeds and the Kennel club, like most beautiful working breeds, has destroyed them.
Serious health problems are rife, as is poor temperament.
Most GSDs I have met have had quite nervy temperaments.

You say DD wants to be a police dog handler, I assume this is the reason for wanting a GSD, but your typical pet bred GSD is nothing like those dogs.
Not in looks and not in temperament.

[SavoyCabbage]

You don't need an actual dog to practice walking it. It's the commitment she would be practicing.

She can start today.

[AvocadosBeforeMortgages]

FWIW I'm mid/late 20s and have a dog. I'll note a few things

• it's a complete pain to find dog friendly housing. It took me three months even when I'm on a good income and have a few other factors that are relevant to dogs and make me a more attractive tenant. I still ended up paying over the odds and had very limited choice.
• while I've got a job that usually fits around DDog, I'm reliant on my parents for the frequent travel my job entails. I'd be stuffed without DF as I'm single and DDog isn't one that's "easy" so boarders are few and far between
• animal jobs have a tendency to involve long hours and low wages, which also don't make dog ownership any easier

I wouldn't have gone out and got a dog at this stage in my life (he was accidentally acquired from a friend). It absolutely does make life harder - and there were points in my life from 14 to now where unsupported dog ownership would have either been impossible or stopped me from doing things that were really important to me.

I would anticipate that any dog would be staying in your house permanently; gheresconsider it a surprise if it doesn't. Have you considered an older rescue dog? That way there's less long term commitment and usually a dog that comes with some manners. I would be very if your DD didn't want an older dog as any youngster will one day be older and still need her care.

[adaline]

You don't need an actual dog to practice walking it. It's the commitment she would be practicing.

Well, most people can cope getting up earlier in the mornings to go out for a walk if they have to. But dogs are a much bigger commitment than that. It's not just the walks you have commit to, it's the entire lifestyle. You can't go out all day and just leave your dog - you can't go to the zoo or a theme park on a whim, you can't go to a lot of beaches in summer, lots of restaurants and shops won't allow dogs either so you need to think about that if you fancy a day out.

If this dog needs walking twice a day, the DD can rule out ever going with friends after school, or having a sleepover at someone's house - because how is she going to get up with the dog and take it out, feed it and train it if she's not home? What if she gets detention or is in a school play or club and needs to stay late for some reason?

Dogs are a massive commitment and a huge lifestyle change. We live in a very dog-friendly area so we're fortunate ours can just come with us (except to the supermarket) but a lot of places aren't that open - you have to decide whether you leave the dog at home (and is it okay with that and for how long?), take it with you and tie it up outside (not something I would ever recommend doing) or go out in pairs and someone waits outside with the dog every time.

How can you practise all that commitment without an actual dog to commit to?

[BiteyShark]

I have been reading the puppy survival threads and all the points raised on here are all i have got concerns about.

Don't just read the puppy ones. You need to read the adolescent ones as well as just when you get through the first bit you find yourself in the teenage hell phase. Also there is a rescue one as well.

I am mentioning this as your DD is obviously focusing on the nice idolistic view of dog ownership but often reality is very different. I find there is 'something' with most dogs that are hard work which you accept to be able to own a dog. Your DD will not be focusing on that at all but that's your job to be realistic and decide whether you and not her will be fine with all of it because I would put money on you being the owner of the dog in a few years even if she views it as 'her dog that just lives with you'.

[JeanPagett]

It seems really odd to me to be thinking about limiting an adolescent's future educational / housing opportunities for the sake of a pet.

Dogs are wonderful but they can be incredibly tying and I just don't think a 14yo has the emotional maturity to make a decision with such long reaching consequences. Sometimes good parenting means being the bad guy 

[inchoccyheaven]

I am taking all your comments on board and sadly they reflect what i think rather than persuading me it will be fine.

Bitey i have read some of the adolescent thread too. I am trying to be open minded rather than just saying no as i really dont want my dw or sd to resent me.

Jeanpagett my sd has always been animal mad and is doing a college animal course as part of her gcses so its not us limiting her future its what she wants to do which as she will be 15 in Jan i dont think is unreasonable to know what type of jobs she would like to do.

[BiteyShark]

You would be saying no to her having a puppy now but that doesn't stop her from having a dog later when she is in her own home and can fund it herself. Most of us have waited years to get a dog for various reasons.

How is she expecting to fund everything or is it a case of you are expected to do that as well?

[BiteyShark]

Sorry to be so negative but the chances are that if you are pressured into this it may be you that ends up resenting the dog

[inchoccyheaven]

She is planning on working for her dads business some weekends and taking the dog with her which I don't think would be a problem with him and she will also be asking him to pay towards vets bills etc which I don't know if he will or not and wouldn't blame him if he said no seeing as she lives with us most of the time.

[BiteyShark]

asking him to pay towards vets bills

Whatever you do make sure she factors in cost of insurance if you do relent and get a dog. I have claimed around £4500 in the first two years. I also know someone who has claimed over £10k in one year.

[adaline]

But she can't take out insurance or be held legally responsible for the pup - she's a child. Either you, or one of her parents, will have to take out insurance and pay the monthly amount. How will she afford that? My insurance for my puppy is more than my pocket money would have been at 14, and that's not including all the other costs.

I'm afraid I don't think that a 14yo can afford a dog. At all. They are not cheap - classes, toys, leads, harnesses, collars, chews, bowls - it all adds up and a lot of things need to be replaced regularly. Dogs and puppies chew and can destroy things in seconds given the chance!

[anniehm]

There's a lot of negative posters here so I'll try and be more positive.

A puppy doesn't have to be a lot of work - you need to train them from day one and everyone in the house needs to be on board so the puppy isn't confused by lots or different commands. You can leave puppies for up to four hours or so in a secure room/crate, plus overnight is fine (we left a pad for the necessities) mine didn't cry at all, we crept down at 6am and he was still asleep with no accidents!

Dogs fit into your lives if you train them properly - eg ours likes to go to the pub and to cafes because we took him straight away, we were advised to introduce him to all the environments he needed to be comfortable with by 16 weeks by our vet (an expert on our breed).

A bigger issue at 14 is what will happen at 18+ dogs can be difficult in rented accommodation and certainly can't go into college halls (no idea on her academic plans), taking the dog with her simply might not be an option.

As for costs, we pay about £25 on insurance (it gets more as they get older mine is 7), £25 on dry food (he's 19kg but not a huge eater) plus £5 on miscellaneous treats/chews. It's £120 a year for vaccinations, worming and flea treatments (they allow you to pay monthly). I highly recommend a working breed as they are highly trainable and are more content to be left to their own devices (mine disappears for hours at a time to either snooze under a hedge in the garden or in his bed under the dresser).

Every family is different, none of us can really say if it will work, but I do recommend at least one session with a trainer for the whole family to get the groundwork in place for training, we then did 3 x 6 week courses and got the silver obedience award, skipped gold because not pulling on the lead just wasn't happening, he is perfect off the lead!