Not really a pet person getting a dog ???

[inchoccyheaven]

Dsd14 gave my dw a 6 A4 page letter at the weekend begging for a puppy for Christmas. She has given a lot of thought to what that means and how she will do all the training and clearing up, walking etc etc. She included timetable of each day of when she is at school and weekends. To be fair it was a very persuasive letter and has left me torn.

She has always wanted a dog and was very upset when her older brother who lives with his dad just bought himself one.

I am not a dog person at all. I had cats before but when i went into rented before we bought our house now didn't get any more cats or pets. My SD does have a hamster and I like it but don't really have anything to do with it.

My Dw would be happy to get a dog but knows I'm not keen and if I say no then we won't get one. I don't want to be the one that has that final decision and even though I have concerns over how hard it will be to have a puppy and the cost and commitment I know that Dsd would love it so much and it would be a great companion for her.

So would I and my 2 ds ( one 16 the other at uni) get used to having a dog in our lives and not regret it ??

If we did get her a puppy we would wait until beginning of summer hols so she would be here all the time to train and settle it in.

Advice please :)

[inchoccyheaven]

Spoke to dw tonight and said I had been thinking of other alternatives to us getting a puppy like borrow a dog etc so she can walk them but not have the responsibility fulltime. Dw said she thinks sd wont want to if it's not her own and that sd probably knows the answer will be no anyway so not to worry about it.
So decision is made and if sd does want to get involved with dog organisations when shes 16 or we can find somewhere that will take her before that the we will support her in that venture.
Thank you for all your comments it really helped.

[Dontgiveamonkeys1350]

You also have to factor in training. U don’t just take it to training classes in the evening. I was training mine all day. Distraction training in the woods. At coffee shops. At home.

Also think about the real fact that you could have dog with issues. Mine did. He was nervous reactive and turned aggressive.
That’s not easy to cope with.

The whole thing about having a dog is hard. Trust me on this. It’s more work than U realise. He had a bad stomach and could only eat real food. So I spent so much time cooking chicken and meat and rice etc.

I would not be giving a dog to a 15 year old. What’s going to happen at exam time. Dogs don’t understand that u have to revise. They still need training and walking. You will do everything.

[Dogmum94]

I was the same as your DD as a child. All I ever wanted was a dog and I used to beg and beg and beg constantly for one. It was all I ever asked for at Christmas/birthdays etc and I always felt so hard done by that all my friends had dogs but my parents wouldn't let me have one due to them working and it not fitting their lifestyle.

However, now being an adult, myself and my DP got our first puppy around 8 months ago. While I was ecstatic and so excited that I finally had the dog I always wanted, it is HARD WORK. And now I am almost glad my parents said no until it was my own decision as there is no way I would have been responsible for a dog at that age without it being the responsibility of all of us, and my parents actually wanting one rather than just giving in for my sake. Even though I always promised to them that I would look after, I didn't REALLY know what that would truly involve, neither would anybody else until they actually own one.

There are a lot of sacrifices that have to be made, we are in a similar working situation to you guys but pay for day care at somebodys house twice a week and a dog walker the other two days, we are then home the rest of the time. We can't just go out somewhere for the day if we feel like it, unless it is dog friendly. If we do go out we have to really keep an eye on the time to make sure he's not left at home too long, and this is even with a really well behaved dog where we have been really lucky and had no destructive behaviour (so far).

It's also expensive - insurance, food, regular flea/worming treatments & injections, grooming, daycare, dog walker, various leads/collars/harnesses of different sizes as he has grown, toys treats and puzzles (definitely needs brain occupying toys if it is going to be left alone). Also a few one off expenses like totally securing our garden, puppy training classes, and vet bills for neutering - which isn't covered by insurance and has to be paid out of your own pocket, and him getting something stuck up his nose which had to be surgically removed, costing our insurance excess and raising the monthly premium for the policy. Would you really want to commit to all that when it's a pet you didn't even really want in the first place?

Although I do love our puppy to bits and would now never change it for the world, I don't think realistically it would work having one person who initially didn't want a dog, especially as it would be for the child but the majority of the responsibility would probably fall on to the adults.

[Snappymcsnappy]

annandale I was thinking in terms of it being temporary, given that the OP doesn’t really want one and is concerned about his daughter getting bored/not being able to cope..

You buy a puppy and it doesn’t work out you are in trouble given rescues are full.

But you puppy walk for an organisation, essentially borrow a pup, and it doesn’t work out you give it back for another walker.

The police and guide dogs don’t place puppies willy nilly!
You are home checked, interviewed, told what to expect, you have to attend training classes with them etc.

[anonymousbird]

From your last post OP - "or take it [out] with her if she did" - really??? Suspect not - if she's meeting other teenagers I suspect taking a dog will not be an option!

Please please stick to your guns on this one. It may cause some upset now, but nothing like the issues to come when she can't/won't look after it or leaves home.

[BBCK]

Lots of negative responses here but I think you could meet her halfway. I would not get a puppy for all the reasons listed above but an older dog would be fine. Older dogs are often relaxed and just fit in with family life. As your SD gets older she is unlikely to want to come on holidays with you anyway so will be happy to stay home with the dog.

[ThursdaysChildHasFarToGo]

OP I would seriously advise against getting a dog in your situation.
I was 22 when I got a puppy, I had desperately wanted a dog for as long as I could remember, every birthday and Christmas it had been top of my wish list. I always dreamt that I would get a puppy in a box like lady and the tramp. I made promise upon promise to look after it etc. I even wanted to be a police dog handler as a child as so desperately wanted a dog.
Even at 22 I didn't really understand the commitment I was signing up to. Starting off in a career I had to work long hours and the poor thing would be stuck at home for hours on end. BF (at the time) and I both worked shifts so assumed one of us would be home most of the time - but it didn't work out like that. We both wanted to be able to socialise and pick up extra shifts - it's a natural part of being a young adult.
Babies are far easier than a dog... for a start no one wants the burden of looking after a dog but now having dd family are falling over themselves offering baby sitting. I'd bought my first house which I was struggling to pay for and it was completely soul destroying to come home to carnage - fridge freezer wire being chewed through, bed being urinated on etc etc.
Thankfully we got the puppy from a very good breeder who took her back from us in a heartbeat and she has lived the last 10 years as a much loved family pet.
Your SD however desperate and dedicated can't be expected to be honour such a commitment and it would firmly fall on you and your dw to physically and financially care for it.

[Annandale]

snappy I'll be honest that sounds the worst of all worlds in this situation! - all the work and responsibility of a puppy, with the extra responsibility of not mucking up a future working dog, and then you don't even get to have the adult dog?

[Snappymcsnappy]

Just thought, what about being a puppy walker for the police or guide dogs??

You have the puppy for a year or so and they pay all vet bills, food etc.
Then you give it back so it can complete it’s trainibg as a police or guide dog

[Runnynosehunny]

If your dsd really wants to do some sort of job with dogs when she is older volunteering with dogs is going to be good for her prospects. She would also be able to work with lots of different dogs and find out a bit more about the different types, learn about how to care for them and train them from knowledgable people. She could get some advice as to good career paths from someone who loves dogs and works with them. So facilitating her to do some volunteering is a good compromise. You could help her look at the options for voluntary work locally and provide transport as necessary.

[Notverygrownup]

Yy to Borrowmydoggy.com Lots of chance for her to get involved there with dog walking/dog sitting and for volunteering at a local vet or sanctuary. That will give her lots of chance to get involved with dogs, with your support.

Then perhaps your gift to her could be a bank account called "My dog fund". When she leaves home and buys her first dog, she will be needing to find £60/month, plus the extra needed for a dog-friendly rent. By putting the money into an account for her now, you can be enabling her to get her dog, when she is able to home it and look after it - or to spend the money on something else if she discovers that working and looking after a dog are not compatible.

[Annandale]

Yeah, sorry, another no. Borrowmydoggy is an option, cinnamon trust, volunteering at an animal rescue place. The latter in particular might give her really useful dog handling experience. She could earn money dog walking, or build a relationship with one particular neighbour with a dog - quite likely the neighbour would need/want some overnight stays. You could help her with making that link.

Failing at dog ownership was one of the worst things i have ever done, but it is a real possibility. Im certain at 14 she is old enough to know she wants a dog but at any age she doesn't get to decide for the people she lives with.

[Wolfiefan]

If you don’t want a dog then please don’t get one. She’s desperate now. But early January morning when it needs a walk? When she has exams? Or finds a boy/girlfriend? Or decides she doesn’t want to be a dog handler?

[inchoccyheaven]

Sd wouldnt be told it was because of me that she didnt get puppy if that happens but she did put in her letter than she knows i don't like dogs.
I am torn as i just know how much she would love it. She doesn't go out very much with friends and would either sort dog out first or take it with her if she did.
I just dont know practically whether it will work long time. Still pondering and thank you for positive stories as well as reality.

[LKRJM]

I have 2 dogs, had both from young puppies. The first few months are by far the hardest - toilet training. Crate training is the easiest way to keep on top of this and sleeping in her room in a crate to avoid accidents. My dogs were trained very quickly (8 weeks to fully no accidents) as we took them outside every 30 minutes when at home, out at 11pm and 6am every morning. Chewing is easier in my experience as there are lots of puppy chew bones available now, cheap on amazon or even in pet stores you can get 3 for around £6, which will last them a while. Insurance is also relatively cheap. Our dogs have different food as one has a sensitive stomach so her food is more expensive but even so the more expensive dog only costs us 52 a month including insurance and she has a lifelong hip condition declared on the insurance. As for leaving them alone my dogs were left for 4 hours as puppies but then you have to expect they’ve messed when you get home, but start as you mean to go on - if they will be left as an adult leave them as a puppy. When I was a teenager I wanted a dog so much and so did my sisters, we eventually got the dog that my stepdad chose and it wasn’t what any of us wanted so we were slightly disinterested but my step dad was happy and now they’re lifelong companions and the dog is his and he is the dogs. If you don’t want to get the dog your SC wants speak to her about a different breed that she wants if it’s going to be her responsibility. Both my dogs are German Shepard cross breeds and I have to say they are smart, loyal, loving and after a walk very lazy! But they do shed a lot of hair, can be strong willed and tend to only have one master! But honestly, dog person or not I say let her have one, they’re mans best friend and worth a few months effort for a lifetime of loyalty and friendship - I guarantee you won’t want her taking the dog when she moves out - my MIL didn’t!

[LonnyVonnyWilsonFrickett]

I agree it's unfair that you're being left to be 'the bad guy' who says no. A dog should only ever come into a home where both adults want it (I deliberately say adults because I don't think young people can really know what they're taking on, so they don't get a say).

Flip it: DD is nearly 15 - she's only three years away from moving out/being able to do whatever the hell she likes, including getting a dog. She can wait. Meanwhile, she can volunteer with the Cinamon trust or join Borrow My Doggy - omg I would love a keen-bean 14 yo to do some of my walks/help out when I need to work out of the house (because the one that lives in my house won't pick up poo so can't take the dog out alone...)

[JeanPagett]

It seems a little unfair to me that you're being left to be the bad guy to your DSD by your DW. Can you not talk through your concerns with your DW and agree that you will present a unanimous front?

Obviously I have no idea of your situation, but a step-parent being the one to veto a much longed for pet seems like it has a potential to create significant resentment.

[werideatdawn]

Cant believe anyone recommending a GSD for someone not really into dogs. OP, dogs really are a huge bind. I adore my Lab but we cant go for days out without getting someone to look after her or taking her with us, she costs a lot in terms of insurance, food, training, worming, fleas etc. I think I would resent the level of care she requires if I didn't really want the dog in the first place.
If the idea of it fills you with dread now imagine how you'll feel when the dog is having wee and poo accidents in the early weeks or chewing all your shit. We're currently in peak puppy chewing time and we're wandering around in rags where she's got so excited she has jumped up and ripped clothes. You really need to want to deal with all this otherwise it's a sad rehoming situation waiting to happen.

[JesusInTheCabbageVan]

In your shoes I would seriously look into Borrowmydoggie. I am certain there will be owners on there who would welcome a more permanent arrangement, maybe even a dog-share. I know I'd love the opportunity to have regular, free dog-free evenings and weekends, and I love DDog!

[Wolfiefan]

So don’t do it. You will never be able to leave the house for more than a few hours without making provision for the dog. It could be expensive and will be time consuming.
She can volunteer with dogs. Contact rescues or the cinnamon trust. Don’t take on an animal you don’t want and she could lose interest in.

[inchoccyheaven]

Thank you for even more replies to consider although the overwhelming feeling i get is that my dw and i need to be prepared to be involved and possibly expect to have the dog for many years if she finds it difficult to move out because of having a dog. My dw is a much more relaxed person than I and says once its here it will be fine but I have never wanted a dog and was looking to forward to much more freedom for us as a couple now all dc are teens.

I am not sleeping for thinking about the situation as I really want to say no why should that final decision be mine when dw and sd are happy to have one. We wouldnt ever have chosen to have a dog if it was just the 2 of us so it really is for sd. I hate to disappoint her but the thought of long term commitment and costs etc feel me with dread.

[Teddy1905]

I think it's great that your daughter is showing such maturity and commitment to the hope of a prospective pet. Most kids love the idea, but don't think further than cute instagram friendly pups, with no thought of the hard work that's actually involved. It sounds like she's got all the bases covered in her puppy manifesto, and if she's willing to wait until the summer holidays, I would say a conditional yes. Rescue shelters are always looking for volunteers, to help with cleaning, socialising and walking, and if your daughter is willing to give up part of her weekends doing this, she will get good experience of the reality of dog ownership. It's also something you could do together, so you can gauge how 'hands on' she's will be. X

[Falli]

Oh i saw that she wants to be a dog handler!
Thats incredibly competitive, not sire how it works in other forces but in mine i think most police jobs now look at a degree level to become an officer. Then it is a long wait to apply to be a dog handler (people wait years and years). Shes gonna struggle to look after a dog while working police shifts if so.

[Falli]

So i was a teenager who was given a dog, well to be honest how it felt was my family got a dog but whenever he was naughty he was my dog.

Training has to be done by the whole house any way but ,i had so little experience. I had all the best intentions of doing every thing but honestly i was a teenager. I wanted days out with friends, all day trips to the beach. Its such a commitment, i wouldn't of been able to go to friends houses after school, and to be honest few teenagers want to wake up early in the pouring rain to walk the dog, rush home from school to walk the dog again in the height of exams etc.

I started off doing it all but three years later, i was less dedicated. Equally a school day is too long to leave a dog and especially if its a puppy going through adolescence but also a rescue dog may not be able to be walked by a teen eg dog aggression, pulling etc.

Then comes the massive bit about how long will your daughter be at home? My parents plan worked until at 18, i moved out. There was no way accomodation or lifestyle wise i could have had him at uni and following that in the full time jobs that followed. Rented accommodation really is limited for pets (we had two houses to chose from in our large town, one of which declined us!) Especially for flats or cheaper accommodation.

Luckily my parents understood and he is firmly the families dog and i moved out almost 8 years ago and our 12 year old dog still happily lives with them. Im a proper dog lover, ive deliberately chosen a dog friendly hours job and live in over priced accommodation to allow me to get a dog, and also now foster for rescues. However the commitment was too much for me as a teenager

[Mamabear12]

I would say only get the dog if you or dw are willing to do all the work. Your dd might start out doing it, but when she is at school or goes to Uni the work falls on you. Do your research and get a dog that is easy to train etc. We got our first family dog and did our research for a couple years prior to getting her. The kids absolutely were wanting a dog and we knew would would always get one eventually. But I knew all work would fall on me. My dh was scared that we would regret or she would be too much work. In fact he wasn’t convinced about getting her. But I did my research and waited 6 months until she arrived. I insisted he just meet her. We drove 3 hours and he was smitten. She has been the easiest dog ever. But she does require going out a lot. I’m a stay at home mom so not a problem.
Just remember a child can promise so much, but only buy the dog if your willing to take full responsibility. As a dog lives 15 years and realistically your dd will have to leave it behind when going off to Uni.