First time dog owners - just HOW much work?

[Wannabe2015]

We have decided to get a dog. It won't be until next year but I've started doing some reading and research. We don't have a fixed idea regarding breed or whether to get a rescue or a puppy from a breeder.

I have it in my mind that the decision to get a dog is similar to the decision to have a baby and that for the first year or so we won't really have much of a life whilst everyone adapts.

Alot of people I speak to suggest I am really over-thinking this, that getting a dog is not comparable with having a baby at all.

Am I right to think like this, yes? To expect it to be hard and exhausting to start with?

For those of you with dogs and children, which was harder work?

Thanks Doghouse ppl!

[Wannabe2015]

How so GloGirl? What does your son do to/with the dog? How did you go about teaching him about dog ownership? (Sorry, lots of questions!)

[Costacoffeeplease]

I'd say 3 is too young, much better when the children are all at school and you have more time to devote to the pup, at least for the initial training stages

Who says you're neurotic? Imho you can't put enough thought into it - and far too many put far too little

[Wannabe2015]

Well, mostly just family, some friends. The only reaction that did surprise me was from a friend who is a vet. She seemed very laid back about the whole thing. She has had dogs most of her life, but said it was much easier than caring for children. But she stressed how important to teach the dog it's place, crate training, not responding to crying during the night etc etc.

In my mind, puppy's crate would go in our bedroom, next to the bed. (Once puppy is a lot older, I would be content for dog to sleep on the bed tbh). There would also be a crate downstairs, somewhere quiet, maybe near a door so he/she can be taken out quickly for toilet etc. I thought maybe the house could be zoned with stair gates so the dog can always escape the children if they want to and so dog and children are never left in the same room unsupervised. My 3 year old would be at nursery a few days a week, older 2 in school and between my and DH one of us is always at home. We are lucky not to need to rely on 2 salaries and DH's work is very flexible.

It is this level of detail that is prompting calls of neuroticism and over-thinking!

However, I don't have an equivalent plan for a rescue (except for the stair gates and zoning) as I imagine so much will depend on that dog's existing preferences and associations.

[Wannabe2015]

I also mentioned puppy training classes and socialisation. That prompted a few laughs (not from the vet admittedly).

[Costacoffeeplease]

I also mentioned puppy training classes and socialisation. That prompted a few laughs

Just as well you posted here then - I think we can safely say they're not people with useful advice for you

[Costacoffeeplease]

One of the main problems with puppies and young children is the biting and jumping up behaviours - it is very difficult for children not to react by screaming, running around etc which will just encourage the pup and hype it up. The kids have to be old enough to understand to stand still, turn away, stay calm and quiet - not to keep bothering the pup when it's sleeping, eating - lots of things that will be tough with a 3 year old

Then there's house training - being ready and able to watch for the signs and whip pup into the garden, and wait while he sniffs every blade of grass and forgets why he's there - and add a 3 year old investigating the inevitable poo and pee accidents

That's just a few things for starters

[JohnCusacksWife]

The amount of work it takes is very much dependant on the type of dog you choose. A puppy is massively hard work and can be v stressful. ive seen people in tears over it. We've always rescued our dogs - one at around 5 months, one at approx 6 months and one at around a year. All just mutts, not pure breeds. Like Utter I would never buy from a breeder. I think genuinely ethical ones are few and far between and I strongly disagree that pedigree dogs are in any way more "reliable" than mongrels. On a point of principle I really dislike the commoditisation of animals. There are rescues that will rehome to families with children. You just have to do your homework and accept that they may not match you with your initial choice of dog. Having a dog around the place teaches children so much and enriches your life - I really hope you find the right dog for you and take the plunge.

[Wannabe2015]

Thanks Costa and JohnCusack. I agree with you actually regarding the breeder vs rescue route. It does seem like the selfish choice to buy a puppy but I had felt it safer. I'm interested that you disagree strongly with this. Is that because of personal experience, or is there something I've missed? Genuine question there, no snark...

I'm starting to feel that I would be able to handle a puppy/dog and all that that needs. But my children (well my youngest)...maybe not so much.

Ugh. I feel quite deflated now, half regretting having posted! But it is best to know and go in with eyes wide open.

Can I approach rescues that aren't in my local area? Would any of them have the time to talk a bit and explain their processes and how they vet/train/get to know the dogs in their care do you think? Can you travel far to get a rescue dog?

Phew...I'm talking your ears off I realise. Much appreciate everyone's thoughts and advice.

[Wannabe2015]

Grr...everyones, not 'everyone's' (I am always doing that lately!)

[Roseberrry]

If you have young children it is very very very hard work!
It totally depends on your attitude though, if you are generally a patient person who copes well with sleepless nights and never, ever being left alone then you will be fine.
You will probably have quite a few moments of regret after getting a puppy, but then you'll have days where you are so thankful for the little waggy tailed love.

[ThroughThickAndThin01]

Ooh just skimmed OP, but new puppy stress = (almost) new pfb stress.

Except puppies grow up more quickly than human babies. And you can leave them for 2-4 hours pretty quickly. Unlike a human baby.

[SecretSpy]

Our first dog (rescue terrier x mutt ) was here before the children. We added a collie pup when the youngest was 2.5. I was very broody as I recall.

Madness. Dog is five ish now and just lovely. But honestly I wouldn't have done it in hindsight. Training, recall, manners for kids and dog, vet trips, holidays, days out to the zoo cut short, and the endless soggy muddy walks in horrible weather with grumpy toddlers . Filthy tennis balls everywhere and an endless fine spray of dried on mud to a 3ft height on the walls.

But he loves the children to bits and he's grown up with them. If I'd had another baby instead they'd be off to school soon

[Hoppinggreen]

My 7 year old can just about hold his own with our puppy and is mostly handling him properly and not running etc but any younger and I think it would be difficult.

[annandale]

I think you're right to be cautious about rescue dogs. Even a conscientious rescue won't know everything about a dog unless the previous owner chooses to tell them, and how they will react in a new home can be a bit of an unknown IMO.

We were first-time dog owners and we didn't research as carefully as you are doing. Basically, assume firstly that you will get no help at all from any other member of the family. Or at least that any help you get will take so much effort to get that sometimes you will find it easier to do it yourself. I did about 90% of it and I work fulltime while my partner is at home full time. Then remember that you don't only have to train your own children to handle the dog, you have to be permanently watchful around all your childrens' friends - obviously you wouldn't leave the dog anywhere near them, but out and about, at the school gate, in the park. You also have to look out for family visitors at home - nieces, nephews etc. Then I'd somehow thought that dog walks allowed you to relax out in the open air with the dog, but this presumably can only happen with a really really well-trained dog, i.e. one you have put the hours into from puppyhood and continue to do so - most of the dog owners I know have to be on permanent watch for other dogs, bikes, runners etc. So you're talking two walks a day on permanent guard, training classes, plus visits to the vet. As soon as you think about going away, there's lots of extra admin - dog-friendly places to go, pet passport, beach rules for dogs in different places, or sorting out some sort of care. Have you really - really - got time for that? Will you really enjoy it?

I have some happy memories of our dog but most of them are a kind of depressed horror that I'd locked myself into a minimum of ten years of drudgery and responsibility. It felt like post-natal depression tbh.

[Costacoffeeplease]

You can contact any rescue place - the more the better to try and get the best fit

I'm sure they would talk things through with you, I would look at an older dog, house trained, past the stupid puppy stage, more reliable with an established personality

I don't really get the obsession with puppies - they're cute for about 5 minutes then they're mostly annoying with flashes of hideousness for the next 12-18 months. Ok an exaggeration - but they're not sources of unremitting joy

And for info, I've had dogs all my life (my parents had dogs before children) until very recently I had 4, currently have 2. I don't live in the U.K. - our last 3 pups (in the last 7 years) were literally picked up off the street, no idea of breed, history or anything else. The youngest is just over 2 now and more or less settled - but every time, I STILL forget how hard pups are

[ImBrian]

Op I have a 19 week old pup (small shih tzu x) and 5 children aged 1-14 (plus I'm single). Puppy did come from a breeder as no rescues in my area would re home with the little ones.

The first two weeks were tricky as a lot of time was spent stood in the garden with a toddler and dog generally in the rain but since then it's been pretty good. Puppy picked up house training quickly which has helped massively as now we're down to practically no accidents.

He does nip sometimes but only the older kids if they play and he gets two excited. He did get mouthy with my toddler initially but I used the clicker for ignoring and supplied lots of toys and he quickly realised the baby was not to play with. Baby is interested in puppy but they are never left together and so far so good.

Personally I think it's the best thing I've done, everyone adores him and he fits perfectly. However I have the patience of a saint and a bit of mayhem is like water off a ducks back. I have 5 kids so another toy destroying toddler equivalent really doesn't matter. My sister got a shih tzu puppy just before me and hated the first month to the point where she wanted me to take him. Her children are older and she's used to a spotless house and going to the gym/out in her free time so a bit of a shock to the system.

Breed choice is a big thing too, if I'd got a springer or a collie I don't think if be saying the same thing!

[dudsville]

You just don't really know until your dog arrives. We chose adult rescues. We didn't realise, really really realise (!), the impact of making sure they aren't ever left for too long, the impact on us when the walker has to cancel, and the cost of meds (older dog), food, walker, house sitter when we're abroad, etc etc. However, the lovely dogs themselves are so easy. We were exceptionally lucky. They are good natured, quiet, easy around everyone and everything, polite... I could go on. We are now afraid that, when one passes and we'll take on a new one that s/he can't possibly fit in so well with us!

[Wannabe2015]

I don't want a pup because of what they are, so much as what they can become. I don't relish the thought of toilet training or finding half eaten socks in the bedroom. It's that a pup could come to us with so little life experience he/she could me moulded by us and his experiences in our home.

A rescue dog has potentially years of life experience (perhaps negative or traumatic) and my concern is that unwittingly life as a part of our family could in some way provoke memories of these bad associations and cause aggression or unpredictability. I get that rescue centres work hard to assess their dogs but there is never a guarantee.

And nor is there with a puppy, I freely admit.

The risk just seems less somehow.

Ugh, am talking myself around in circles. Hard to know what to do for the best. For everyone. Best for dog. Best for children. Best for family.

Hats off to you ImBrian. That is hardcore with 5 children and being a single parent. Phew. Am tired just thinking about that!

[Costacoffeeplease]

But as an inexperienced owner with young children, you could just as easily mess a pup up

An older rescue - maybe being re-homed due to divorce, owners moving abroad, the owner dying - there are lots of possible reasons that are not down to the dog's behaviour - could well be safer

[JohnCusacksWife]

Wannabe, as I said I've never had a puppy from a breeder but family members have. The pedigree dogs have, without exception, suffered poorer health throughout their lives than our mutts. But I just have real problem with people breeding dogs for money. At the end of the day most breeders are doing this to make money and that just doesn't sit well with me. All our dogs have been wonderful, stable animals and I really hate the "excuse are more risky" mindset. They CAN be but they don't HAVE to be. Choose your dog and your rescue wisely and I'd have a mongrel rescue every time. Our current boy came from Romania so yes, cast your net wide and you can undoubtedly find a wonderful rescue dog to join your family.

[JohnCusacksWife]

Typo! That was meant to say "rescues are more risky"

[Scuttlebutter]

A pup from a poor quality breeder will come with hangups and gaps in its socialisation as well as potential health and welfare problems.

Many rescues have puppies and if a pregnant bitch finds her way into rescue, then usually she will have a 5* pregnancy and the pups will be beautifully reared by an experienced foster home. Hounds First for example have recently had two sets of gorgeous pups. Lots of pics on their FB page.

Rescue dogs are often a valid choice. Good rescues will make sure that a dog going to a family has lived with a foster family. The behaviours will have been assessed, the dog will have stopped growing so you know what size it is and you will have a good idea of training - what's been done so far and what you can build on. Rescue does not necessarily equal problem dog - in many cases dogs are simply handed in because of issues like divorce, emigration, family illness, job loss etc.

Whether it's a pedigree or a Heinz 57 - there is simply no shortcut to making your dog a delightful family member. Training is a lifelong commitment. But it's also the most amazing way of learning to speak "dog" and strengthening and deepening the bond between you. When your bouncy teenage Lab is towing you round the park, her training won't be any easier because she's a pedigree - you will still need to put the work in on developing your loose lead walking.

I've just come in tonight from class with my rescue lurcher. She's been with us less than a year, but four months after she was adopted by us, she was competing in her first Rally trial. She is an utter joy to work with - intelligent, eager to please and the most loving and adorable nature. I know masses of rescue dogs who compete at the highest levels of obedience, Rally, agility etc. Take a look at this year's Crufts Obreedience final for instance, there's a team of ex racing greyhounds taking part - all are ex racers, rescues and now enjoying a fabulous second career.

There are many, many rescues that will gladly rehome to families - most take a very sensible approach of tackling it on a dog by dog basis. Just off the top of my head, I can think of Wiccaweys, EGLR, Hounds First, Hope Rescue, the majority of RGT branches, GRW, GRWE, and many others. Hope are an excellent all breed rescue who insist on all dogs being in foster for at least a fortnight so behaviour can be assessed. EGLR's dogs are also all fostered before adoption and they have a handy list on their website allowing you to search dogs by suitability for children.

[dudsville]

Op, I just want to reiterate that mine are rescues and they don't have problems, they were loved and you can tell it. Dogs become rescues for all sorts of reasons and a lot of them aren't about abusive contexts. Ask the history, "found" dogs are different to those given up or as a result of the owner passing. I think the word "rescue" is off putting, understandably, and not always accurate.

[Wannabe2015]

But as an inexperienced owner with young children, you could just as easily mess a pup up

Ok. I concede that. Maybe I've allowed myself a certain amount of prejudice against the rescue route. Most of the people I know got their dogs as pups, either they bought them or they were given one through a friend who had an accidental litter.

The only close experience I have of a rescue dog was a
juvenile male greyhound who had been very badly treated. He wasn't aggressive but very traumatised, very nervous. Scared of people. His owner (my friend) did a wonderful job with him and he lived a really happy and comfortable life. But as a family with young children, there is no way we could offer such a dog the right environment.

I've been browsing the ManyTears website last night. There does seem to be a multitude of dogs and pups. I think I'll speak to some rescue places, maybe they can log our details and if a suitable dog comes up for adoption, they'll contact us? Does it work like that?

I'm reassured that so many of you have such good experience with rescue dogs. It is the gentler kinder option, to give a needy dog a home. And if we could find the right dog and the right circumstances, I would probably choose that option. I had just been under the impression this was unlikely.

I think I've been a bit close-minded.

[Wannabe2015]

Closed minded, not close-minded FFS. Brain has turned to mush clearly!