Channel 4 : My Violent Child

[70isaLimitNotaTarget]

on now

[Aeroflotgirl]

Franklins mum was not good. She was most of tge problem!

[DelicianoLopez]

I didn't think JJs mum was so bad, TBH.

Franklyns? GTA at 7? lets him watch eastenders when its all fighting and shouting and stuff?

his dad not bothering? sister laughing and no one helps? sorry, not much sympathy for that one, GTA I couldn't believe it. and proud of him for that? WTF?

my DC has similar outbursts but I never let her watch/listento/play anything innapropriate, yes it doesn't help she and I were victims of a violent abusive man and that's stayed with her, its just her and I now and shes taking it out on me, but I bring her up with Christian moral values, am strict but fair, never give in, and SS are looking into anger management for her, I know how to handle DC, just need that extra boost.

so sorry, but I really had my judgy pants on at that programme, why don't they ever show where nothing untoward is going on as theres always some sort of trigger and this programme showed why.

I know why mine has probs, and im now able to get help, the useless CAMHS were just that and didn't see a problem FFS.

[Aeroflotgirl]

Yes jj mum seems very in your face and controlling, he has even said she had a controlling upbringing as her dad was in the Army or something! Mabey that's the problem, jj needs time out on his own to cool down, and his mum has to give him the space to do that! Brett seemed to me like he could have SN as well.

[Lesleythegiraffe]

The "lying on top of the child" method of restraining' calming down doesn't seem right to me.

I'd think they would need time to be angry, scream, shout, thrash about to get the anger out of their system rather than being restricted and bundled up in a duvet, unable to move.

[didyoumeantobesojumperude]

Perhaps I've read too much into it but strange incident with Brett.

Younger female child crying downstairs and Brett shouting up, 'I only wanted a hug' and Brett's mum going downstairs and scolding the younger child explaining he was only trying to be nice.

Not necessarily implying anything but I used to hate as a child being forced to give people hugs and kisses when I didn't want to, it's unfair.

Brett also needs to learn that he shouldn't force himself on people yet his mum handled that the wrong way (in my opinion).

[didyoumeantobesojumperude]

This programme is so sad. Not judging as haven't seen enough but a couple of things struck me:

• JJ's mum needs to leave him alone when having an episode. He was yelling at them to go away yet she continued to follow him in his room and try to physically restrain him which was clearly escalating the situation.
  

• Franklyn's mum needs to parent him. She seemed proud of the fact that he'd completed Grand Theft Auto - is that not an 18 rated game that shows physical and sexual violence?! There was also a moment when she shouted up the stairs 'if you don't stop; I'm going to come up and smack you'. Not an expert but I'm not sure that trying to tackle violence with violence is going to get you very far.

[JakeBullet]

My DS is 11 with ASD and ADHD, he has fairly regular outbursts/meltdowns and can be aggressive. Tbh I just try and make sure he and I are safe. At school I have taught him that those feelings mean he needs to stomp off and rage...NOT hurt somebody. This helps at home too as he can scream and whack his pillow to his hearts content.
He can raise fists to me at times and does a half hearted slapping to my hands. I am under no illusion that this will just stop without a lot of input from me.
With regard to electronics, DS has an XBOX...the first thing he has ever owned which he loves. It also makes him "one if the boys" at school too. He cannot understand why I won't buy him Grand Theft Auto though. Lots of his friends have it but the last thing my child needs is a game which trivialises violence.

[Aeroflotgirl]

I think Franklins mother has given up, she needs to take away the games, TV and leave just tge bed. Why is tge father laying this ell on the mum, blaming her, it's his responsibility as the father too.

[Aeroflotgirl]

Especially Brett and Franklin, they need to be assessed by a paedritrician ASAP and get the diagnosis and help they need.

[Aeroflotgirl]

I feel that there must be something more biological to this extreme behaviour, mabey chemical. Why aren't the parents seeking medical help! Sometimes the siblings are fine, they have the same environment and parenting, it's not always the parenting to blame. Why aren't tge professionals on thos programme recognising this!

[VerityWaves]

The solutions did seen to blame the mothers who they were beating up!
Also The " bonding" time with the father who he didn't beat up or call a cunt, where he also seemed to blame the mother for not putting boundaries down.

[spanky2]

I saw it on a programme about autism as well. I questioned it to my friend as it didn't look right to me, but it is what the experts told her to do.

[TheFirstOfHerName]

I have a 12 year old boy with ASD & ADHD. I've never been given the advice to lie on top of him to calm him down. If he has a meltdown I tend to separate him from his siblings and try to make sure he is safe.

[OneInEight]

Awful programme. As usual let's just blame the mothers. Even the boy diagnosed with ADHD, ODD, ASD and OCD behavioural problems were all down apparently to his mother's (undiagnosed) OCD. Mind you was a good illustration of how little help there is out there - solution one a traffic light card, solution two let's feed bread to the ducks and solution three let's go to "Go Ape". I watch these programmes in the forlorn hope that there may be some useful strategies but I have to say I could take nothing from this.

[TiredCassandrasbed]

You do get ground down by it.

It is also sad for the child they feel horrible when they calm down. Guilty even years later and my child still can't explain why they got so violent like that it was apparently like they lost control of their body, we understand physically what was going on.

[VerityWaves]

Those women were being abused in their own homes. They were so used to it and ground down it was the norm for them.

[JimmyCorkhill]

All I could notice was how clean their houses were. Immaculate. I don't know what point I'm trying to make but I have 2 under 5 and dream of an immaculate house

[Cookiechef]

Please don't judge the parents we don't know how they have brought up there child before the cameras turned up and we don't know it the child has any undiagnosed conditions.
I have a child who can be violent at times he's 3 and has autism we try our hardest we have 11 professionals involved in his care but noone even us as parents have been able to stop him when this happens he can't control it himself.

[Lesleythegiraffe]

Spanky we have a pupil like that in our school (mainstream)

He has verbally and physically abused many members of staff and his mother is very aggressive when she comes up to school, yet we seem to just have to put up with it.

[starlight1234]

I only watched last 10 minutes so obviously missed a big chunk... It appeared the children in the program behaviour really needed parents to change.

I am not judging all parents by this standard ( or even these as I missed so much ) but there is peoples parenting that are exacerbating childrens behaviour.

I saw the one guy at the park ..saying we need to do more of this now he has said he liked it ( or something like that ) why would you not anyway?

I would also imagine these programs also have a remit which was never designed to make the parents look good

[spanky2]

I have had to deal with violent children. I had to restrain one while in early pregnancy, she was a danger to herself and others.

[Lesleythegiraffe]

Can anybody tell me why I can go into my local Post Office, Doctors' surgery, Argos etc and they all have signs saying that any abuse of their staff will not be tolerated, yet schools have to put up with this from children and parents and very little seems to be done about it.

Maybe it is in other people's experience, but not sadly in mine.

[OddBoots]

I rewound, sorry you're right, that was dad there, sister was off camera talking, she was the one filming it (and also laughing).