15yr old DS with ADHD - please tell me things will get better

[Coolmom81]

My first MN post so be gentle! I have a 15yr old DS currently with suspected (but not diagnosed) Inattentive ADHD and Autism. The Inattentive part is important to stress because this seems to be the crux of the issues. We have been battling for assessment since he was 11 and it has been the most exhausting journey due to COVID an unhelpful SEN and his school being in a different county to the one that we live although only a few miles away. Anyway, my question is does it get better as they get older. I can’t help to worry that if we weren’t literally yelling at him to get out of bed and to study he would just not go to school and stay in bed all day. Now I know he is a teenage boy and I get that a lot of people will say this is normal teen boy behaviour, but it’s not (I’ve already had teens) - it’s extreme. He wants to go to Uni after A levels but I have no idea how he would motivate himself if his Dad and I weren’t there to force him out of bed. Has anyone had similar experience and watched there child grow into a fully functional adult 🙏🏻

[Mintymatchmakerheaven]

I have 2 dc with adhd and 1 with autism. The most important thing is to get your son diagnosed. You don't need school involvement for this. Have you tried getting a diagnosis via your gp and right to choose. Can you afford private?

I can't promise that things will get better for you but a diagnosis will help. He could possibly have meds which can be life changing for those with adhd.

Things aren't easy for my dc, there's always one who has issues and they are now adults. I have to say, things did get better for them once they left school.

[Octavia64]

Yes.

My DC is now at uni.

Yelling did not help.

Teaching her ways to work and revise, getting her meds, and helping her problem solve helped.

[FlexIt]

Sorry we’re still in a similar phase but older than your child.
ADHD can be a shade worse at peak puberty in boys so if that’s right now things may improve a small amount later (or maybe that already happened for him).
Also as the brain matures (age 25 😵‍💫) the manifestation of symptoms may change.
Can you afford a private referral? Can you get your gp to refer under Right to Choose. Can you afford any executive function coaching (I totally recognise that a certain level of functioning is needed for this to have any benefit).
Also I have to say that the struggles with inattentive ADHD at A level are much greater than at GCSE, so it would be worth seriously considering alternatives to both A levels and uni.

[NewDogOwner]

Sometimes people with ADHD can only work 'at the last minute' He might be able to do a few days intensive work before each assessment/ deadline. They can get hyperfocused when something interests them . If he can try to pick subjects that he really likes, this could help a bit.

[Reugny]

As NewDogOwner said.

A big issue is if he's doing GCSEs he is doing subjects he has absolutely no interest in at all.

I have been around kids and adults with ADHD when they are hyper focused on something there is no stopping them.

He does need a diagnosis so he and you can get strategies to help him manage the things he has to do around the stuff he must do to enable him to get on with the things he's interested in.

[Oblomov24]

Is he diagnosed? What support is he being offered at school? Irrespective of whether he is diagnosed or not? What are his grades? What are his teachers saying, generally? What support does he need in lessons? Will he get extra time in GCSE exams, make sure you press for this early, don't leave it too late to get that agreed.

[FlexIt]

Sorry but it’s absolutely not the case that hyper focus gets kids with inattentive adhd through their exams. It really depends on the nature and severity of the symptoms.

[Mintymatchmakerheaven]

@FlexIt

Sorry we’re still in a similar phase but older than your child.
ADHD can be a shade worse at peak puberty in boys so if that’s right now things may improve a small amount later (or maybe that already happened for him).
Also as the brain matures (age 25 😵‍💫) the manifestation of symptoms may change.
Can you afford a private referral? Can you get your gp to refer under Right to Choose. Can you afford any executive function coaching (I totally recognise that a certain level of functioning is needed for this to have any benefit).
Also I have to say that the struggles with inattentive ADHD at A level are much greater than at GCSE, so it would be worth seriously considering alternatives to both A levels and uni.

Edited

This. My dc managed to get good grades at gsce with no revision. A levels are completely different - one dc has only managed to get through them on medication, the other has dropped out and is doing an apprenticeship.

[Coolmom81]

@Mintymatchmakerheaven

I have 2 dc with adhd and 1 with autism. The most important thing is to get your son diagnosed. You don't need school involvement for this. Have you tried getting a diagnosis via your gp and right to choose. Can you afford private?

I can't promise that things will get better for you but a diagnosis will help. He could possibly have meds which can be life changing for those with adhd.

Things aren't easy for my dc, there's always one who has issues and they are now adults. I have to say, things did get better for them once they left school.

It took 3 years of hounding the GP and school until they eventually accepted his referral. We are now waiting for assessment. That was going to be my next question… Is medication going to be inevitable? My main concern with the medication is that he has tics that come and go of varying severity and I’ve read that they can worsen on the ADHD medication ☹️

[Littlefish]

A levels were considerably more motivating for my dd than GCSEs. Only 3 subjects, all of which interested her and had been chosen by her.

She's now at university.

She struggles to wake up for lectures, so sets 5 alarms!

She learned the hard way about leaving assignments until the last minute, but got them all done, with only one extension. I was exactly the same when I was at university. There has to be an element of peril for both her and I to get anything done!

Look into DSA (disabled student allowance) for university. Diagnosis makes the process much easier.

Dd has been allocated one hour a week with a learning mentor to support her with workload, assignments etc. However, because she would have to make phone calls or write emails to organise it, it obviously hasn't happened (plus she's determined that she doesn't need any support from anybody!)

She also has a laptop with lots of great adaptive software on it to help with note taking, organisation, spelling & grammar etc.

[Littlefish]

Right to choose is a very sensible suggestion by a previous poster.

Research it well before you see your GP as not all of them are familiar with it.

[Coolmom81]

@FlexIt

Sorry we’re still in a similar phase but older than your child.
ADHD can be a shade worse at peak puberty in boys so if that’s right now things may improve a small amount later (or maybe that already happened for him).
Also as the brain matures (age 25 😵‍💫) the manifestation of symptoms may change.
Can you afford a private referral? Can you get your gp to refer under Right to Choose. Can you afford any executive function coaching (I totally recognise that a certain level of functioning is needed for this to have any benefit).
Also I have to say that the struggles with inattentive ADHD at A level are much greater than at GCSE, so it would be worth seriously considering alternatives to both A levels and uni.

Edited

Thank you, we have discussed alternatives to A Levels, including courses more hands on. He wants to do A levels and then go to uni. It’s so frustrating because he is so clever but despite us telling him that unless he knuckles down he won’t get the grades he just can’t seem to motivate himself. We have resorted to doing the pomodoro technique with him but we have to sit him down at a set time and basically force him to study (which he does do) but we’re micromanaging him which we can’t do if he goes to Uni. I would personally rather he stay at his school 6th form as I think he would benefit from the consistency but also keeping his options open.

[Coolmom81]

@Littlefish

A levels were considerably more motivating for my dd than GCSEs. Only 3 subjects, all of which interested her and had been chosen by her.

She's now at university.

She struggles to wake up for lectures, so sets 5 alarms!

She learned the hard way about leaving assignments until the last minute, but got them all done, with only one extension. I was exactly the same when I was at university. There has to be an element of peril for both her and I to get anything done!

Look into DSA (disabled student allowance) for university. Diagnosis makes the process much easier.

Dd has been allocated one hour a week with a learning mentor to support her with workload, assignments etc. However, because she would have to make phone calls or write emails to organise it, it obviously hasn't happened (plus she's determined that she doesn't need any support from anybody!)

She also has a laptop with lots of great adaptive software on it to help with note taking, organisation, spelling & grammar etc.

😂 The 5 alarms made me chuckle as my DS also sets half a dozen alarms in the morning. He still doesn’t get up though! Is your DD living at home or away from home for Uni?

[FlexIt]

There’s no real benefit in a diagnosis study wise at this age except for the medication.
But don’t panic, there are a couple of non stimulant options (not usually first choices). Also the meds may or may not increase tics, if they did it would be no problem to reduce or stop meds. You would agree all this at the time of prescribing so you have a clear plan.
Yes I am still micromanaging through A Levels so far though

[Littlefish]

She’s living away from home and absolutely loves it!

it look her about 6 weeks to get round to using the washing machines as they’re in a different building.

Her bedroom is a health hazard, just as it was at home.

m she has fabulous flatmates who all seem to have a similar tolerance to mess and filth in the kitchen, so she hasn’t pissed anyone off!

Before she went, we honestly didn’t know if she would cope, and decided that the first year was more about successfully living independently, than about academic learning - as long as she passes!

So far, she’s surpassed all our expectations and is genuinely having the time of her life.

[Coolmom81]

@Littlefish

She’s living away from home and absolutely loves it!

it look her about 6 weeks to get round to using the washing machines as they’re in a different building.

Her bedroom is a health hazard, just as it was at home.

m she has fabulous flatmates who all seem to have a similar tolerance to mess and filth in the kitchen, so she hasn’t pissed anyone off!

Before she went, we honestly didn’t know if she would cope, and decided that the first year was more about successfully living independently, than about academic learning - as long as she passes!

So far, she’s surpassed all our expectations and is genuinely having the time of her life.

Amazing! This is exactly what I want for him - looks like there is hope yet!

[InattentiveADHD]

@Coolmom81

I had to micromanage my ASC/ADHD DS at GCSE stage after he failed his mocks. I literally planned all his revision for him and sat with him as he did it. I printed out tons of mock papers and marked them and sat with him as he did them over and over again. He did really well in his GCSEs.

That process helped him so at A level I provided some support but was more hands off. At uni he pretty much did it all himself. The process we went through with his GCSEs taught him cause and effect (eg revising gets you better results) and HOW to revise which he also didn't understand.

By sitting with him you are also doing something called "body doubling" which can really help ADHDers focus. You are also effectively holding him immediately accountable. Any "goals" in the future are not an incentive for ADHDers. They work in the "now" and "not now" so need immediate goals/consequences and immediate accountability.

You need to also focus on getting an assessment asap. 15 is super late. He can get school and exam accommodations (school is likely to be on board with this if they have seen issues at school) and access medication with a private diagnosis. ADHD medication is the most effective "mental health" medication there is. Diagnosis means he can also access DSA when he gets to uni stage which provides a ton of support and equipment as needed.

[Littlefish]

My dd was diagnosed and medicated at 15. She went from predicted GCSE grades of 2-5 at the end of year 10 (unmedicated) to all 7-9 grades 9 months later (medicated) in year 11.

The meds were transformational for her, academically.

[Treeinthesky]

No it doesn't. My bf went to prison at 19 when he decided he wasn't going on meds anymore. Hasn't been on since 18. he's been homeless used every drug possible. And isn't working at mo ive got a re referral to adult adhd services to try to help. But at the mo he's snappy, lying driving on provisional alone, risky behaviour oh and recently I've found out he's been doing coke I'm at my witts end and our relationship is by a thread. He has combined though

[Mintymatchmakerheaven]

@Treeinthesky this isn't always the outcome. My DH has trauma from child hood abuse and adhd. He's been unmedicated all his life and is very successful. He did get kicked out of school, he didn't get any qualifications but he worked hard to ensure this didn't affect the rest of life

[Treeinthesky]

Yes my bf had trauma alot of it. Hopefully when he goes on meds when he sees the psych things improve

[Coolmom81]

@InattentiveADHD He does have access arrangements in place for his exams. I think we have his GCSEs covered now. It is more the long term outlook. I don’t want to be micromanaging him into his adulthood. I just want to know that this is short term and eventually he will be able to cope with the basic functions of life without me standing behind him directing. Whether that is with medication or not.

[Rainydayinlondon]

@Littlefish

My dd was diagnosed and medicated at 15. She went from predicted GCSE grades of 2-5 at the end of year 10 (unmedicated) to all 7-9 grades 9 months later (medicated) in year 11.

The meds were transformational for her, academically.

What is the medication of you don’t mind me asking? What effect does it have?

[Littlefish]

She was in Medikinet xl 50mg per day.

It helped her to focus and be less impulsive. She said that it stopped her feeling like there were a million things going on in her brain at once.

it didn’t make her any more organised though.

[FlexIt]

Same yes, utter disorganisation wasn’t improved but grades went from 4s to 8/9s on medication.
However even with the medication the disorganised thinking is a bit too overwhelming to get on top of A levels at present.