15 yr old dd wants the Pill :/

[greenwool]

(Name changed for this one.) Dd2 (15) has a boyfriend of the same age, who she's been going out with for nearly a year. I am/was sure that so far they hadn't had sex. They have very little time together outside of school, apart from visits to each other's houses. These only happen when parents are in the house, so are well supervised - or at least they are at my house. However, I suspect her Dad may be less vigilant when she's there. Also, I always thought they were supervised at the BF's house. But yesterday she went there: his parents were in, so I assumed they'd keep an eye as I know they're quite strict. She came home with her top inside out . I'm not 100% sure she didn't go out with it like that, but it has left me wondering just how much they get left to their own devices.

I've tried talking to dd2, without actually mentioning the top as she'd be mortified and clam up. She swears blind that they've never even kissed, which tbh just increases my suspicion. It occurs to me that for her past couple of periods she's been (IMO) exaggerating the pain she was suffering, and complaining bitterly about 'acne' that is in fact only a couple of spots. She has asked me if I'll take her to the GP for the Pill. Her older sister has been on the Pill since age 14 for severe period pain (of the grey-faced, vomiting sort) and a very bad case of acne, so dd knows that this is a possibility. I'm wondering whether she is in fact planning to use it for contraception.

Although I plan to make sure she and BF are much better supervised in future, and do all I can to prevent them having sex, I simply can't control things all the time. I'd like to get her on the Pill to avoid any chance of pregnancy.

But as she swears blind it's for period pains, I'm wondering how this would work. When I first took dd1 to the GP for her pain, he prescribed stronger painkillers first, and only prescribed the Pill when those didn't work. As I'm pretty sure she doesn't want it for periods at all, would it be best to just ask for the Pill? Or even slip a note to the GP saying that I'm pretty sure she wants it for contraception? What would the legality be of that, given her age? She has anxiety issues and there's no way she'd go to the GP on her own.

[greenwool]

Isadora, that's a very insightful post. Thank you - I will think about it carefully.

She does take drama GCSE at school, although at present she doesn't really participate. When she has plucked up courage once or twice she's had very good reports/reactions, however. I'm hoping that these will gradually help her confidence.

[Fakenewsday]

just wanted to second the opinion to take her to a family planning clinic - the two I went to were so much more welcoming and friendly than my GP, a much more open and relaxed feeling. Even the staff on the door were caring maternal types. Whereas a lot of GPs can lack any sort of bedside manner. I sympathize op, I can't imagine the worry you feel with your DD and it's all very well saying to be firm when it's not your DD.

[greenwool]

Fake, if I do manage to get her to admit that she wants it for contraception, then I'd be keen on the family planning clinic option. I've never been to one but a welcoming and friendly environment sounds ideal. If she continues not admitting it, it would have to be the GP.

[Fakenewsday]

you could always sell it to her as the family planning clinic being experts in the pill, and having a good view of all the options that might help for things related to hormones. I don't think you have to get her to admit to the sex either, you can position it as a just in case thing and as she's getting to be in that older teen zone etc etc. it makes sense for her to consider her contraception options and there's nothing to be ashamed of, and since she has this tricky issue with acne and pain in her periods anyway etc.

[greenwool]

Indeed, Fake - that sort of thing could be a good way around it . I really appreciate all the suggestions, btw.

[needalittleL]

Hey might be missing the point but the pill can have contributing factor MH issues- it did for me and a couple of my friends. Just something to be aware of. I actually found it more difficult to get off than my antidepressants!

Btw she's 15 and will definitely be trying to find an opportunity to have sex- I was. Just be kind and open and honest about the dangers.

[Fakenewsday]

you could always call ahead to the family planning clinic when you make the appointment, give details of your DD's MH issues and ask them to be prepared to talk about hormone based contraception/other contraception options that would have minimal side effects on anxiety? I'm sure that's research a caring professional could do upfront. Might not help but worth outlining.

[needalittleL]

And that it can be a wonderful thing! I missed that bit with my parents and it stopped me from enjoying it for years!

[GeorgeTheHamster]

Could you just present the family planning clinic as being the place that he pill comes from? No need to discuss family planning necessarily, just that that is the best place to get it, and info about it?