MSN - how can I "police"

[justbeme]

My Daughter is nearly 12, and chats alot to people on MSN - She is very secretive when I walk in the room - but yesterday I caught sight of one of her conversations. This "girl" called her a Tramp, so my Daughter responded with go F* your Dad - and then the girl replied something like "Shut up or else Im gonna slit your throat!".
Obviously I confronted her and she said its a friend of a friend who she doesnt really know . I made her block the other girl and gave her a right old telling off.
Im appalled at her language - is there a way of blocking swearing on MSN?
How do you deal with your children using MSN?
Any ideas pls -
From a very shocked Mum!!!!!!

[dabihp]

go to option and tick box for save conversations, then read them when she is in bed... lol.. also useful for 'policing' dh... not that i would do that!

[tortoise]

You can set it to keep a history of conversations then check up on whats being talked about.

[justbeme]

wow I never knew that!! - ok I ve asked it to save history of conv in "my recived files" on the computer. Will that only save MY converations - or do i have to secretly do that when shes logged onto the computer?

[dabihp]

on her log in

[Surfermum]

My step-d is 11 and has just started to use MSN. I didn't know about saving the conversatins either so thank you . I think we'll need to tell her we're doing it though.

She also goes on Bebo. Anyone know how safe that is? I've registered on there myself to have a look and AFAICS her profile and stuff is private, but I'm still a little concerned.

[mears]

I understand the difficlties with MSN but I am not sure looking at her conversations is a right or moral thing to do TBH. She will never trust you again if she catches you. MSN is a terrible place for bullying IMO. I finally talked DD into getting rid of her account after various incidents. She feels so much happier and less pressured (she is 13).

If I were you I would have banned your DD for using that language TBH. I really think she is too young to be on it.

[mears]

My DD has asked about going on but I have said no. I don't like the thought of younsters putting pictures of them selves on the internet. Can't believe what i found there. Apologies if any offence caused.

[tortoise]

OMG! I wish i hadn't opened that. Glad the DC weren't looking.

[DrumMum]

thanks for that mears!
glad my son didn't recognise it without hair.....

[serenity]

mears, you're lovely really, but please warn if it's going to be a graphic picture! DCs are all within two feet of me on here and I don't really want to have to explain something like that to them!

re MSN - I'm avoiding this by just not having it on the PC. Justbeme, I would be concerned at the 'secretive' aspect at that age, she obviously knows you wouldn't be happy and I don't think at 11 that's she's mature enough to resist pressure to join in with this kind of talk. Hope you sort it out.

[mears]

Apologies everyone - I was just so shocked that i wanted other parents to see what they are letting their children subscribe to. My DD has been going on and on about Bebo and I haven't had time to look. For those of you who come onto this thread now:

DO NOT CLICK ON THE LINK FROM MEARS IF CHILDREN ARE AROUND


There is no way she is getting to register with the site

[Surfermum]

Absolutely no offence taken here Mears, and thanks for that link. I don't really like what I'm hearing and I'll be showing this to dh as it's his decision about whether dsd goes on there or not, and he'll have to deal with telling her if he decides it's a no and talking to her mum about it. That's not a cop out but we have a sensitive situation with her mum and her attitude towards my involvement with dsd.

I have already had a chat with dsd about it and told her I don't want her putting any photos of dd on there, and that she shouldn't put her photos on there.

We have the PC where we can always keep an eye on what she's doing on there. Are there any other parental controls we can put on there?

[Surfermum]

Sorry if I'm hijacking your thread justbeme.

Mears - how did you get onto that page you did a link to? Dh and I have been playing a bit more on the site but can't work out how/if dsd would be able to view stuff like that.

[brightwell]

As a result of some nasty msn bullying, of which my dd was a victim, I've install a key logger program (as seen on This Morning, a while back. It means I can see her msn messages and i can block words & phrases. Thankfully (so far) everything has been harmless.

[runkid]

God that bebo is bloody pornographic

[serenity]

I see the link has gone now, but just wanted to say that you didn't offend me Mears - I agree that it's vitally important to know what goes on on these sites.

[mears]

surfermum - I typed in www.bebo.com and the picture was under the 'beboers' header. It isn't there any more. I think basically there will be inappropriate pictures posted which you can report via the abuse/police link. Until the site removes it, the picture will be able to be viewed. Just like the link I posted earlier has now gone.

That was my first ever deleted message - pleased that mumsnet have removed it actually

[winterpimms]

Another thing to worry about is webcams.

I have 'broken' ours and will not be replacing it.

I have spent all weekend feeling sick with worry after looking at dd's conversations.

I know what Mears is saying about it being morally wrong to look, but when you are worried that your DC are being secretive and something is not quite right and they won't talk to you - what is the right thing to do?

Arrrgh, give me a baby to look after anytime over teenagers!!!

[mears]

Here is the scenario. You read the messages your child has been making and you are appalled by the content. How do you then approach your child. How do you tell them you have been invading their privacy - very important to everyone including young teenagers.

You will lose their trust and your relationship will be jeoporadised.

I wish I had stood my ground about MSN and not started it. However, DD has come to the conclusion herself that it causes trouble. It is another root for bullying I am afraid - girls gang up on each other.

You either try and sit it out and instill the principle of not using bad language or having inappropriate converstations, or remove access.

Not 'every' child is on it despite what they tell you. I am so glad DD has ditched it herself because my next step was to ban it due to girls falling out with each other. My DD told me that one of them told her to 'f**k off'.

I hate it.

[Surfermum]

Thanks, Mears. We checked out dsd's page last night and she hasn't put any photos on it, and there was nothing really of any concern with any of the friends she linked to. It did feel like we were snooping a bit though - even though she knows I'm registered on there (which I did so I could see what the site is like) and invited me as one of her friends. Anyway the ball's in dh's court now as to whether she's banned from it or not.

[Tortington]

another route is to say - you can msn. but i will be monitoring.

its out there - they know your checking.

my kids do.

[twelveyeargap]

I believe our internet filtering programme will monitor MSN and some other chat programmes for bad language and sexual reference. Most do not.

Check CyberPatrol's features. It can be downloaded online and is quite cheap and easy to use.

My child knew how to turn off "safesearch" on google by the time she was 9. I'm sure a teenager would know how to check if their conversations are being saved.