Teen party here - your house rules?

[Haffdonga]

So ds (16) wants a party. Oh shit I'm of a mind to agree simply because he's a sensible, studious and hardworking kid and has always had a quiet-ish social life. (I'm actually delighted he's suddenly becoming a social being.)

DS doesn't drink much but his friends do and the thought of a house full of drunken vomiting teenagers is my idea of an absolute nightmare. So what are reasonable rules to apply about numbers of people, times and alcohol.

My suggestion to ds is only 5 friends, no alcohol and they can all play monopoly until 10pm. He thinks IABU.

[Socialaddict]

haffdonga rather

[Socialaddict]

Thanks for the update haffgonga this makes me feel a lot better, as my DD wants a party for her 16th at home, so am following with interest this thread.

[notquiteruralbliss]

DCs like yo host parties and our house is teenager proof. We generally let whoever wants to stay over (usually those who intend to drink) stay (there have been 10 to 15 teenagers crashed out in DDs room after various parties) supply some alcohol (accepting that they will also bring some) and make sure there are pizzas, soft drinks etc. DCs friends are generally quite sensible and we don't usually have issues with people overdoing it. Only 'rules' are that DCs clear up afterwards and that people who aren't staying over make sure they know how they are getting home or ask one of us for a lift.

[Haffdonga]

Update:

Well all you party naysayers and doom merchants - ds had his party last night and it was great!

We tried to stick to your helpful advice - low numbers of invitees with no extra friends of friends allowed, plenty of pizza and we said no spirits but we certainly didn't police what was consumed. I also supplied copious quantities of soft drinks which they got through by the gallon.

There was lots of shrieking, lots of laughter, VERY loud music and the place stank like a seedy pub in the morning but no damage, no vomit, no tears and nobody couples caught upstairs . There were some broken bottles but the fantastic kids searched through our kitchen cupboards for cleaning materials and sorted the mess themselves. DS himself didn't even know until they told him later.

Thanks for all your advice and wise warnings. Lovely MNers and lovely lovely teens!

[Northernsoul58]

Don't allow coloured alcopops (not even sure if they sell them anymore) coz if they vomit, you'll struggle to get the stains out of the carpet!!!

[itsthecircleoflife]

Oh and yes- hungover or not, its his resposniblity to tidy up the next day!

[itsthecircleoflife]

Look at it this way: would you rather them all be sat off in a park, getting god only knows who to buy them alcohol- or would you rather them be in yor living room so if something does happen, your more likely to be alerted to the situation yourself and not by someone calling from the hospital to say your child is getting their stomach pumped?

[SecretSquirr3ls]

Don't supply it. They will still bring their own, it's the done thing. Actually when I did this for DS1 at 17 I laid on beer, pink fizz and cider as well as soft drinks and they didn't touch it. Just drank their own .
They also left the house tidier than it was before they came and put all the empties in the recycling. Really.

[madamehooch]

My DD has just had a house party for her 16th (mid October).

I must be very old fashioned because I was not prepared to either supply alcohol or allow the guests to bring their own! Aside from one boy on DD'S party group chat mouthing off that he didn't want to go to a baby's party, none of her friends had an issue with it).

We borrowed some marquees and decorated them and had a bbq outside. They were a bit cold but they survived!

The guest list was limited to 30 and the party finished at 11.00pm. I warned the neighbours in advance that it might be a bit noisy.

DH and I stayed visible but out the way.

The only other thing I did was to put carpet protector up my stairs for when they went to the loo.

I had one broken pot. That's it!

DD and her friends had a brilliant time judging by the comments on Facebook

[Cooroo]

DD had an 18th last year. About 15, mostly boys(?!). I warned neighbours and asked DD to keep noise down after midnight. I hid in bedroom. 2 lads threw up in bathroom, but left no mess. It was loud. They had pizza. I didn't make any rules about alcohol as they were all 17-20. Several slept over (and were good company next day!). Nothing broken. Nothing spilt. I trusted my DD to have basically ok friends and she did!

[Haffdonga]

MaryZ You are the voice of reason, experience and wisdom when it comes to teens. I like the cut of your jib, my girl, and I genuinely listen to your advice (and ds would thank you wholeheartedly if he knew that you're swaying me slightly back in his favour again.) Thanks

[Nearlycaughtawoozle]

When DD was 16(studious, hardworking with similarly geeky friends)she had a party - the rules were only 20 people, no spirits, no smoking, music at a reasonable volume, treat the house with respect. I was present but stayed upstairs but made occasional visits to the kitchen to make tea. They were all very well behaved - several stayed the night but I made boys and girls sleep in separate rooms. I would have them all again any time.

DS is 18 soon but I wouldn't have a party here and he agrees it would be a mistake. His friends are lovely individually but in a group are loud and very boisterous and would be worse with alcohol.

So I guess it depends on the individual and their friends.

[itsmeohlord]

Dont' supply alchohol. Stay in but upstairs. I personally would not drink myself, just in case you have to go to A&E...... (only joking!!)

I have never heard of parents breathalysing teenagers.....

[Haffdonga]

Oh no. You lot have put me off now. I really don't want to be strip searching kids for spirits or breathalysing them as tbey leave, let alone separating couples shagging in the flowerbeds. I was thinking more of playing the smiley but in a different room adult presence.

I think I might invent a very good reason why ds should wait until he's 40 older.

[titchy]

I doubt OP, or anyone else for matter, was thinking of forcing a can of special brew down a funnel into their stomachs

[Candleabras]

I wouldn't be supplying alcohol to under 18s, what happens if other parents have told their DC no drinking, and you supply them it? I'd be saying bring one bottle each, no more. No spirits. You must be mad though there'll be no parties in my house. When I was 16 my mates trashed my parents house. I was too drunk to notice the shagging and evidence in the front room.

[titchy]

To be fair it does depend on the kids involved. Although I appreciate alcohol can does encourage poor behaviour, inviting only those who you or your ds knows can behave at parties is probably the way to go. Dd only invited those who she knew weren't arseholes. Result being lots of very drunk teenagers who broke nothing and cleared up after themselves

[uggmum]

I let my dd have a party for her 16 th birthday. Very limited alcohol. 2 drinks each and nothing above 4%.
It was 9 people.
They all turned up with loads of alcohol. Ridiculous drunken behaviour. I had to separate 2 couples to prevent them having sex in my back garden.
Thank god I was home keeping an eye on them.
Never again.
Just don't do it.

[hellsbells99]

Your DS needs to make it clear to his friends that it is invitation only and no 'plus ones' (unless they have asked him first). It will be fine.

[Savagebeauty]

And make teen pay for any damage

[wickedwaterwitch]

And make teen clear up next day