Skip to main content
Skip to main navigation
Skip to talk navigation

Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Unflip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Saved Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Unflip

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

1 2

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Teenagers

Naive, thoughtless dd, 15

39 replies

doglover · 18/04/2014 21:59

My dd and her friend popped out before 7:30 to our local shop. They should have been home within 20 min. After half an hour we tried their phones ............. no reply. After an hour, I reluctantly contacted the other girl's parents but they hadn't heard anything either. We went out looking for them to no avail - it was completely dark by now. They walked in at gone 9pm not aware that we'd been frantic with worry because they'd not been in touch.

I really let rip and told them how disappointed we were with their thoughtless behaviour. We're not strict parents but do expect to be kept in touch with what our dds are doing.

Our dd did apologise sincerely and realised how upset we were. Should we leave it there and 'move on' tomorrow? Have further discussions about consequences?

OP posts:

Report

Youdontneedacriminallawyer · 04/05/2014 20:42

Agree with Nigella. At 15 I would go off on my bike with my friends and some sandwiches and not be seen for the rest if the day. I would just be expected home for tea. Mobile phones have made us paranoid about wanting to know where everyone is and keeping in contact all the time. They have their uses, but you shouldn't automatically panic just because someone doesn't answer when you call.

Itsfab · 04/05/2014 16:37

It is only the eldest who is ever out without me or DH but I do worry if I ring home and he doesn't answer. I then have a word with myself. I am just a worrier but then I only have DH and DCs.

Goblinchild · 04/05/2014 16:17

I told mine that I loved them beyond reason, and that I worried about them, so I needed to know that they were safe and well.
I set a few basic rules that I expected them to keep, and I warned them that if they made me afraid for them, I would keep them safe. So safe that Alcatraz would look like a holiday camp.
So they let me know where they are going, text me if plans change and respond if I text them. I don't fuss and they liked the freedom.
It worked so well that they still do it now they are adults, it's just good manners.

Itsfab · 04/05/2014 16:09

This has made me think about the difficulties I have in explaining to the children why I worry without making them think the world is a dangerous scary place. They are 8-13 years old atm.

Colditz - have you alerted MNHQ to the problem?

usualsuspectt · 04/05/2014 16:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

NigellasDealer · 04/05/2014 15:58

i think 15 olds are actually treated as being a lot younger than before

Goblinchild · 04/05/2014 15:57

'15 year olds are a lot older nowadays than a 15 year old was back in the 80's'

Nope, I was a 15 year old in the 70s. No mobile phones then.

Goblinchild · 04/05/2014 15:55

Bonsoir is right, you need her to know the rules before you can say she broke them.
I wouldn't be putting any sanctions in place this time, just explain that you were worried and therefore cross. It probably didn't occur to her that 90 minutes was a problem.

usualsuspectt · 04/05/2014 15:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

NigellasDealer · 04/05/2014 15:43

they are 15 not nine although I see why you worried, but that goes with the territory.
massive over-reaction to be honest

Youdontneedacriminallawyer · 04/05/2014 15:36

I think you're over reacting. They are 15. They were gone for 90mins. I have no idea where my 16yo is most of the time.

Bonsoir · 04/05/2014 15:33

I think that you have made your opinions clear - and that there wasn't necessarily much clarity beforehand, so your DD isn't entirely at fault here.

You need to set out the conditions for her leaving your home - does she have to say where she is going? Does she have to give you a time by which she will be home? Does she have to have her telephone with her and on at all times? Etc. She needs to know your expectations before you can expect her to keep to them.

maddiebrowns · 04/05/2014 15:27

Major overreaction here. Just tell her it panicked you. 15 year olds are a lot older nowadays than a 15 year old was back in the 80's. So calm down.

Cerisier · 28/04/2014 14:01

My 15 year old has a lot more freedom than yours too. She knows she should text periodically and she has to let us know roughly when she'll be home.

We still have times when this doesn't happen though, so the training is still in progress.

We do use FindMyIphone so we know roughly where she is in the city, it stops some of the worry.

Theas18 · 28/04/2014 09:09

Ok they were longer than you thought but it looks like you didn't actually give any rules to follow just expected them to know so unfair to punish.

Next time-
You want to go out? - ok that's fine BUT - I need to know when you will be back ( let her suggest a time, negotiate if it's not ok) and- and this is the absolute un shakeable bottom line - you must have your phone with you, switched on and answer it. Tell her you WILL make at least one test call ( and do it). And if you are delayed let me know

My near 15yr old has a lot more freedom than yours but I think the "training " started earlier lol. To me have your phone and have it on /answer it is vital to letting them stretch their wings bit by bit.

My only worry would be, if she doesn't normally go out at all ( which I assume as you were so panicked ) what was she doing? Hanging in the part with the cider gang wouldn't be ok!

Mrsjayy · 28/04/2014 08:57

I also think you are being slightly OTT you did panic and they came home at 9 they are 15 got side tracked if your dd was on her own and didn't come back from the shop then i can see the point just tell them to let you know if they are going elsewhere, you can't keep tabs on 15 yr olds like that

Mrsantithetic · 28/04/2014 07:26

I'd just say in future if your going to stay out let us know and leave it there. Seems a bit OTT to me really but I know it's a worry when they do things out of character

jasminemai · 28/04/2014 07:13

Your dd sounds like an angel child for a 15 year old!

AgentProvocateur · 28/04/2014 07:10

Colditz, did you change your password? After heartbleed, we all had to sign in with new passwords.

Trollsworth · 27/04/2014 23:17

This is the first day I logged in since the heartbleed thing. Trolls worth is not my nickname! I'm normally colditz.

thenightsky · 27/04/2014 23:15

Troll...???

Trollsworth · 27/04/2014 23:13

What the fuck, this is not my name! What has happened?

Don’t want to miss threads like this?

Weekly

Sign up to our weekly round up and get all the best threads sent straight to your inbox!

Email address

Log in to update your newsletter preferences.

You've subscribed!

Trollsworth · 27/04/2014 23:12

You know that on her next birthday, she can fuck off to Gretna Green and get married, move out and never bother speaking to you again?

Not that I think she will, I'm just trying to put your "she went to the shop and didn't come back immediately!" Rage into perspective.

Brakeover · 27/04/2014 23:09

I mean don't you get to an age here you re your own person and, within reason, parents don't always know your whereabouts?

joanofarchitrave · 27/04/2014 23:04

Seems over the top to me, but I accept I don't have a 15-year-old daughter.

Unflip

1 2

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.