He was a very sporty boy until he dislocated his knee for a second time last year and now he refuses point blank to do any sport outside the timetabled school activities.
I don't blame him for being scared of it happening again, I've never seen anyone in that much pain and he received pretty poor hospital care but it worries that he is now opting out of life when it gets hard.
We still have a good relationship and after several long talks he said part of the problem is the shouting from the opposition / coaches - he hates conflict and being shouted at and the thought of going back to it after such a long break is too much for him. (He never complained when he actually was participating apart from when facing one particular team).
He used to have loads of friends but barely ever sees anybody now.
He does well at school - he's in the top classes for everything with little effort and seems happy enough just playing games on his laptop but I keeping seeing wasted months turning into wasted years and his inability to apply himself to anything worries me.
Any words of wisdom?
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Teenagers
14 yo has no interests and opting out of everything
Avago · 13/01/2014 14:49
Is it a body confidence/ self conscious thing do you think? This was certainly the case with DS2 ( aged 14) who did not want to "put his head above the parapet" for anything.
This is a large part of it I know. He has to reinvent himself I guess if he's no longer a footie guy and he just can't at the moment. His response to the water polo was people would find out and laugh at him for doing something so weird.
craggyhollow I know, he is 
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Wow thank you so much for all the responses, I really appreciate them.
To expand a bit…
DH and I are very happy together but absolute opposites. He is a complete optimistic extrovert, talks to EVERYONE, up for anything (used to be v sporty, rugby and martial arts but twisted spine put paid to it now a bit over weight and into doing up cars), a problem solving, confident computer nerd "lets get it sorted' kinda person.
I'm an introverted pessimist realist, not comfortable in big groups, arty, musical, thinks too much does too little (working on that though 
). I don't know why we get on so well but we do. He works away from home Mon to Thur/Fri.
We have 2 boys. DS1 14 takes after me personality wise except that although he is very able in art and drama he has no interest and only wanted to do sport. DH loves him to bits but has to work on the relationship - his shouting has terrified DS1 and he's made a big effort to not get mad and instead talk to DS over the years. THey have a really good relationship but its worked at (on both sides) and DH gets very frustrated at his muddling along ways and lack of drive.
DS2 is almost 12 and a mini DH. He's a whirlwind of ideas and enthusiasm and loves being out and about in clubs and with friends. DH and DS2 have a very close natural relationship. The boys were very close though a little less now - a real effort is made by both of them not to like the same things which doesn't help DS1 find an activity since DS2 always wants to try too and is normally as good or better than DS1.
DS1 was injured playing football about 4 years ago - it was dismissed in A&E but it resulted in a painful click in his knee at random times while playing sport. In 2012 it 'went' because of a tackle, he had very bad care at the hospital, follow ups were postponed and postponed, but physio was great and he had no further problems (clicking resolved too) so I didn't push consultant appointment. His knee then 'went' again in may 2013 because he stood in a small hole on the football pitch - he wasn't actually playing at the time. He was in a lot of pain, we went to A&E they said they would escalate him seeing his consultant (they couldn't view and notes). Following day we took his leg out of the splint to put some ice on it and DS1 SCREAMED - his knee cap had partially dislocated previously and had now completely slipped out of place (though we didn't know it, only MRI showing damage done means we know this happened). Further trip to A&E still didn't result in anything apart from strong pain killers after I argued that calpol was doing anything. The kneecap was never put back - I presume it slipped back after 5 days since that's when the pain subsided significantly. Again follow up care from consultant has been poor but physio brilliant. I think he cries because he's scared, and stressed that it will happen again and he cannot believe the reassurances - both the Dr and physio seem to think the knee would have felt weak when it happened and now after hours of exercise must feel strong where as DS can feel no difference - it was absolutely fine when it suddenly partially dislocated. His sport helped to define him, clubs fought over him, he was popular and it was his social life. He's now lost.
We gave him a longer than necessary recovery time (no guidance from hospital and no physio at the time and general 'if he feels able' advice met with a "I can't") and since then have gone in fits and phases of suggesting activities (results "STOP PRESSURISING ME!" hormental (what a fabulous word 
rages) and leaving to own devices (results in playing runscape non stop hermit behaviour).
School has been very involved, partly because his year head is also a gym teacher. Another PE teacher who was waiting on knee surgery tried to act as a mentor and they even tried to arrange for an olympic hockey player who was in school anyway doing a talk on over coming adversity (she'd ripped her knee apart) to talk to him but it that was way out of his comfort zone. He went back to basket ball after encouragement from teacher but stopped again after 2 sessions.
We have friends with older boys accomplished in a variety of things and tried to encourage friend ships there so that DS1 could be helped/ trained by them (way cooler then parents?) but no.
We live in a middle-class pocket but probably the majority of school mates are from the surrounding ex miner villages now on low wages/ benefits or dock workers. Football is the accepted sport. Rugby is a bit weird, water polo is really weird I'm afraid. (but yes I did enjoy looking at the photos of the older teams on the web site when I was doing research 
).
Wow I'd better stop now this is very loooong thanks for making it to the end!
Dog agility a good idea ! we have an 11 month Cocker so it would be great for both of them
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