My nearly 13 year DS has been looking at naked girls on You Tube....

[josben]

Found it all on his history on his kindle... Am trying to be calm and realistic about things but am still struggling with it :(

Not sure what to do..? :(

[morethanpotatoprints]

Both my sons were curious at this age but now at 19 and 22 they didn't have access to it online.
It was more magazines and internet when a bit older.
I think it is normal and telling them you will be able to tell if they do it again imo is not the way forward.
Educate them about porn, how its not like rl and give them the facts that there are men who become addicted to it and then become unsatisfied with a normal sex life.
At this age they are old enough to see the recent documentaries done on the subject. I'm not suggesting you watch with them btw.
You want them to stop because they have worked it out for themselves and they believe it isn't normal to watch too much.
Putting the fear of God in them, without education, so it becomes something naughty and secretive, they will want to do it all the more.
I'm pretty sure mine don't watch too much as they are older, wiser and have good relationships with women, which they wouldn't have if they were porn junkies.
Give them the space and credit them with the intelligence and future maturity to work it out for themselves.
Its only hindsight and having gone through it twice that makes me so blasé btw.

[Toadinthehole]

I think it's like OFSTED, but for porn.

[ThingsThatGoBumpInTheNight]

I can't find it on the mn acronyms list either but I hope the ftfo bit means fuck the fuck off because I'm trying to work it out

[profilewithoutaname]

ODFTFOD

No idea what it means, I guess you send it to me. When I googled for it I come by some computer stuff. That's probably not what you were trying to tell me.

[MadameDefarge]

ODFTFOD.

[profilewithoutaname]

Still if he likes it, what's wrong with it? Many people do have a fetish for something. Nothing wrong with that. Just as long as everyone involved in it enjoys it and no one is forced against their will.

If he's got a fetish for bsdm, don't you think you trying to get him to like the things you want him to like isn't going to make him more interested in it?
Tell someone: don't do that.... and what will happen???
Tell them: ok, if you like that kind of stuff.... I don't care....
either it takes the interest out of it. Or he feels safe to come to you for help when he needs it. Anyway if he got a fetish it's pretty hard to get that out of him.

[MadameDefarge]

oh I can now use DFTFOD with I have been yearning to use!

trust a 13 year old? Of course I don't fucking trust him! That's part of the package!

No probs with him developing sexual interests, I would just rather he ddnt' gp to BSDM!

Time enough for him to develop his sexual tastes.

Pretty naked girls would be good for a start, not pretty naked girls pinned down to machines being fucked and whipped by bastards.

There ya go!

[profilewithoutaname]

First, why would you check your sons phone? Means you didn't trust him in the first place. If you don't trust him, then why give access to the internet?

Second at some point I think that any man will look at porn at some point in his life.
He didn't rape someone. He just looked at porn. It's not the end of the world.

The more fuss you make about it the bigger the 'problem' will become. And posting it online? What if he reads this? Or finds out you post this online. As far as I know, no one knows you on this site. But still, it's a private thing to do, watching porn. Have a bit of respect for your son. And don't post this on a website where everyone on the web can read about it.

Everyone has got sexual fantasies and your sons is 13, not a small child anymore and his sexual interests are growing as well and he just looked at porn. Nothing to worry about.

[InSpaceNooneCanHearYouScream]

I do agree that limiting access to computers in their bedrooms is a good idea- mine don't have them in their rooms either. That way hopefully at least they won't become hopelessly addicted!

[KatieScarlett2833]

When DS was that age I needed to borrow his phone for something and his internet history appeared. He'd been googling "naked ladies"
After I stopped laughing it told him naked, yes, but unlikely to find many ladies.
Bless.

[MadameDefarge]

My point is that I talked to him about his safety, not demonising it or making it exciting.

Yes he may well access it at others houses, and I am sure he would hide it from me.

But he has clear groundrules for here, and knows that my objections are about keeping him safe.

He is only allowed access to PC in the living room. no phone, no tablets, no laptop.

[InSpaceNooneCanHearYouScream]

Madame defarge I don't think you have taken it out of his hands. Teenagers talk amongst themselves about how to access this stuff, and what about 'private browsing?' There are many ways to stop your parent seeing what you've been looking at, and it's naive it think he won't see it at other people's houses. He will probably want to look at it despite your little chat. It is normal to be very curious. Far more children are accessing hardcore porn than parents think. They just hide it well. I'm not sure what the answer is really, I agree I think it could be very damaging. But I think an honest and up front approach is probably best.

[MadameDefarge]

I told my DS that as his parent I was responsible for his emotional physical and sexual health until he was old enough to manage it for himself.

I said that there things on the net which aren't even mainstream for adults, and how it can alter your brain chemistry if exposed too soon.

I told him I checked everything, and I would check his history, and if anything was deleted we would have to talk again.

I also said that if his friends wanted to show him porn, it was fine just to brush it off with a laugh, if he could. Or he could start a discussion about it with them.

I think he was grateful I had taken the decision out of his hands for a couple more years.

[InSpaceNooneCanHearYouScream]

I think these days they will find a way to watch porn if they want to. I have talked to my teen boys quite a bit about how I realise how easy it is to access very hardcore porn, and that it may be damaging to young minds, and that it bears no resemblance to real relationships, and that they should keep that it mind.

[Bakingnovice]

Sorry to hijack op. I should add that my dsis caught my dn watching porn on his iPad and found it difficult to install controls which really worked. At 13 he's likely to be curious and a chat will help him realise how unrealistic porn can be.

[Bakingnovice]

Can anyone recommend a good filter /parental control? My dec have access to an iPad but its not secure and I want to install controls.

[MerryBuddha]

Mersea a grand .

[mersea208]

I can trump this. DS spent a grand looking at a pornography website, could not get his money back but managed to close the account. Later this year used my c card small sum which he paid back to me along with various other money punishments. Got this account closed too. Remorse was shown 2nd occasion. Need to do angry smiley. Hard for me to face he is growing up but feel a bit sick about it too. Filters reinstalled on computer.

[louby44]

I have had this with my DS14! It was a shock. Filters were put into place but he's still got past them ??? grrr

His dad had a long talk with him about how porn isn't normal sex etc. I just keep talking to him about girls and respect and if a girl says no, she means no.

It's very difficult because it's normal but it would be so nice for him to just look at photo's (like in the olden days) lol

[MillyChristmas]

That is the trouble with internet really, porn can easily be accessed. When my kids were younger they didn't use the internet or have any devices that were attached to the internet. There is nothing wrong with him been curious in looking at it though but just a shame that it is so easily accessible.

[TheXxed]

When I would commute into work I used to catch the train with lots of kids from a well known fee paying school in the area.

Some of the things they would say made me despair. Young girls 14/15 talking about shaving of all of their pubic. And laughing at the only girl in the group who didn't.

There was more but to grim to post.

[lljkk]

My reaction was horrified but "lesson learned" kind of thing.
It's funny... I was talking with old friend about the plans to get ISPs to censor this stuff at source; he's very against because he thinks (for instance) it will ban gay kids from getting support. I guess I need to recognise that some kids won't be able to talk to their parents about anything to do with sexuality.

But not sure I believe online is generally good place to find good quality info about divergent sexuality, anyway.

Keep in mind He'll be seeing all kinds of gawdawfuls on friends' phones too that you can't control (do you have controls on his DSi-Ipad-Ipod-phone already?)

[Cherry34]

He is 13, it was a oversight . Parental controls had been set on everything else except his iPad, my fault which I rectified immediately.
He thankfully hadn't accessed hardporn!! I did check!!!

Everything he owns I have access too, IPad, phone etc. I would not have a problem with him just looking at the female or male naked form but anything more than this, I would. Only because I don't want his brain warped in thing unrealistic or degrading!!

[MissScatterbrain]

Porn nowadays is nothing like the Playboy magazines of our youth - its far more realistic, invasive, interactive (e.g webcams) and addictive

I feel sorry for young people as there are reports of young men suffering from ED and other sexual difficulties as a result of porn and women are being treated as meat and expected to perform all kinds of extreme sex acts.

[TheXxed]

I was not trying to scare monger. And I did not make my point effectively.

Porn is not normal especially for young developing minds. OP I did not try to imply this is will happen to you AT ALL. Just that porn is dangerous and should not be down played