Can anyone tell me how to cope with our first daughter going off to University. Really proud of her achievments etc, want her to go and know she is ready, able to take care of herself, but am dreading it. We have a 15 year old daughter and I feel so sorry for her being left with me and DH. Sorry if I sound so self pitying, but I feel in a panic. What should I be doing now, what does she need?
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Sandigeeup ·
23/09/2018 16:38
Two weeks ago we dropped my eldest son off to Uni. Despite everyone thinking I would cry all the way home, I made sure we settled him into his dorms and left with smiles of excitement on our faces, I was also excited for him and so this kept me positive about this journey ahead for him. I have always been mega close to him and him and I had a diving holiday literally 6 days before he headed off, which was amazing and will always I hope be remembered with fondness by both. So, I have had a busy two weeks, running my business and house hunting and also having fun with my youngest son, so this kept me distracted mostly. Then...boom, I arranged to meet my eldest sun yesterday (two weeks after dropping him off). We met in London as that is where he is and we greeted each other with excitement, had lunch, chatted lots, shopped and ambled our way around London in the pouring rain. While the first half of the day was great, it was clear he had lost weight (quite a bit) and looked and behaved very tired and he became very quiet as the day went on. He recognized this, & we both agreed it was him adapting to and having a heavy first two weeks schedule, he is also a rugby player so doing lots of training. He talked about good nutrition and making sure he didn't just eat good food but the right amount of food, him being 6ft 3!! and although this worried me a little I was determined not to have any negative speak and kept everything upbeat. Then we parted ways and first the very first time, it hit me like a speed train, the tears started and my heart hurts with the absence. I have had the last 24 hours, hiding around the house out of the way of my younger son so he can't see and my husband has just flown out to Scotland. I feel grief-stricken and real despair. I am normally so strong, I have my own business and am always busy but, I can't think of him without suddenly crying. I am spurting off here because it is private and I don't have any friends who are going through this too. Can anyone relate to this delayed reaction? Also, it does not help that he has no phone connection at the Uni and also poor internet, so getting in touch with him is really difficult, our usual everyday communication has been replaced by elusiveness, unintentional of course but still the absence is horrific. 
Has anyone else felt this, is it normal and what proactive action did you take...from a very sad mum xxx
Aroundtheworldandback ·
25/09/2018 17:00
Sandigeeup I can relate to this, I have just seen ds off and now I am ‘child free’. It’s a feeling you can’t rationalise because it comes from the gut. I wish I could offer advice- I’ve just had a meltdown in Tescos when I saw all the things I didn’t need to buy- that was my trigger. You’re right, it really does feel like grief.
My friends tell me you get used to it and it gets easier. Mine was (and is) a right pain in the arse too. I don’t work, and it’s the first time in 21 years that I don’t need to consider anyone else on a daily basis.
The only constructive thing I can tell you is that with his older sister, although I was just as sad, I really DID get used to her living away quite quickly, and found FaceTime the way to go. Thinking of you
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