Offering teenagers alcohol

[janeyjampot]

My DD (14) recently went to stay overnight with a friend. Friend's mum has recently split from dad and has a new boyfriend, who has children of his own. Mum's boyfriend poured my DD a Bacardi Breezer and teased her when she wouldn't drink it. He also poured one for his DD (15) and my DD's friend (13).

I am quite annoyed about this. DD was upset to be teased and I am sorry that she was put under pressure to drink by an adult. That's not to say that I wouldn't allow her to have alcohol under any circumstances - at family celebrations she'd be offered wine, perhaps diluted, but wouldn't take it.

Am I being a bit precious or am I right to be angry? Should I say something to them?

[AMumInScotland]

Nobody should tease anyone for not drinking something alcoholic, whatever the age. Personally, I wouldn't even have offered an alcoholic drink to someone that age, without knowing what their parents usually did. (I've offered a 15yo a glass of wine when his mother was there. She thought he'd prefer the red she'd brought to the white I was offering...) But the worst part is not the offering, it's the teasing - it's just plain wrong to push alcohol onto people as if not-drinking was weird and babyish.

He's an arsehole. Make sure you praise your DD for being capable of independent thought!

[SebastionTheCrab]

I think it's really mean for an adult to tease a child for refusing an alcoholic drink.
If it was just one drink and I knew the parents I would be ok with them offering my DD a drink. But certainly not to put pressure on her to drink it!

[mindspeaker]

I would be really cross if my 14yr old was being offered alcohol by an adult and then teased because they didn't want it.
I would be having a very string word with them and not allowing my children anywhere near the house ever again.

[SecretSquirrels]

It was very wrong for him to offer it and good for your DD to say no and to tell you about it.

[Ineedalife]

I have a zero tolerance on alcohol too, my Dd2[16] was offered some at a party 2 years ago. The parent was in the house and I was really cross.

Dd2 knows why we have the policy, two of my relatives have died through alcohol abuse and 2 more are alcoholics.

Another parent asked me once if I would allow Dd2 to have a drink at a party and when I said no she looked really shocked.

We allow Dd2 and 3 to have wine mixed with water or lemonade at christmas or special occasions but only under our supervision. I thought we were unusual but it seems not.

[Rasidan]

TBH, I'd called police on them. Where does he gets off, offering kids alcohol?

[janeyjampot]

Thank you, that's such a relief. I was thinking I was being a bit prudish, and also maybe a bit of a snob. To me there's a difference between offering champagne at a grandparent's birthday (or wine to try a new taste) and something like a Bacardi Breezer.

I think what's difficult is the new relationship. It might be hard for mum (who I do not know well, but see occasionally) to stand up to a new boyfriend, I think, especially if the alcohol issue is not important to her...

[startail]

YANBU
You do not offer alcohol to teens other than your own, without their parents permission, unless you know for certain they would be allowed it at home.
Even then it would have to be a proper special occasion. I wouldn't be drinking if I had someone else's child to stay.

[DavidaCottonmouth]

I wouldn't let my teens back to that house.

We have a zero tolerance alcohol policy for our own under 16s in our house, unless it is no more than a sip of Champagne for a celebratory toast (once or twice a year). I would never dream of giving alcohol to someone else's child, unless their parents were present (ie for 16/17 year olds).

DH and I are moderate drinkers, so not at all prudish about alcohol.

[culturemulcher]

YANBU - that's unacceptable.

Even though I think it's fair enough to offer your own children 14/15/16 yo a drop of wine on special occasions, I wouldn't offer anyone else's child any. Or maybe a 16 y.o. if I'd cleared it with their parents in advance.

It puts you in a bit of a tricky situation, though, doesn't it. If it's a friend your DD is likely to visit again, I think you're going to have to have a quiet word with the friend's mum. Good luck!

[webwiz]

I think I would be absolutely livid! It sounds like the new boyfriend wants to be "down with the kids" and so behaved like an idiot. How I approached it would depend on my relationship with the mum, are you friends or do you just know her through your DD?