Can’t ignore grey hair any longer

[user1480880826]

I’ve had a few grey hairs for a about 4 years now but they’re finally starting to grow in noticeable places like in my parting. I don’t think I can ignore them any longer.

I have mid brown hair and the thought of having to spend loads of money dying it every few weeks fills me with dread. I suppose I can afford it but it seems like a chore and there are things I would rather spend my money on.

What are my options? I don’t know the first thing about covering grey hair.

[fresh]

Agree about the pressure to not look old, I'm fighting the pressure but still giving in a bit - recently divorced so the new brave version of me isn't quite settled yet!

However, I too am allergic to hair dye. Have discovered Superdrug wash in colour conditioner which is pretty good - no ppd, and I use it once a week. Too much use can make the greys go very orange, so it's trial and error. It fades gradually, so no badger stripes.

It's my compromise until I'm comfortable with the grey - if I could go white straight away I would!

[Ninkanink]

Ok I should have made it more clear. Youthfulness in women is prized for only one reason. Otherwise there would be absolutely no shame in ageing, in looking older (or even, god forbid one’s actual age!), or in letting one’s body take it’s natural course. There’d be no pressure to change one’s hair colour once the grey starts coming through, unless one wanted to for fun, nor no implied obligation to present an appearance that is closer to the perceived ideal.

Of course that’s an extreme position. Of course there are nuances to everything.

[Astrabees]

Youthfulness is prized for one reason only - sexual availability - and associated attitudes of patriarchy/misogyny are hugely oppressive and damaging to girls and women. I’m not going to mindlessly play along with that. I don't think I can agree with this rather extreme position. Youthfulness is prized and admired because the young tend to be fit, adventurous, have lovely lives because they are not dragged down by being parents and employees in jobs they don't love. My young adult children are passionate about causes, fashion, creativity and yes, i would like to recapture some of those qualities myself (which I hope to in retirement) The lovely hair is a bit of an identifier but a signal of sexual availability ? I don't think so. The young are the future of the human race, I think that's why we admire them.

[TheHumansAreDefinitelyDead]

Am late 40s fwiw

[TheHumansAreDefinitelyDead]

Ah OP, I have exactly the same conundrum...

My greys are suddenly appearing, in my mid brown hair. Not a lot, but just enough to notice whenever I look in the mirror.

I am thinking about dying it, but am not into the whole faff and commitment around that. It is not that I am not vain, but am not big on make up, nails or even hair. Saying that, I am vain enough to be pleased when a friend told me my hair always looks glossy and in good condition... (preen). My style is kind of sporty and natural, not “done”.

To dye or not to dye? I am as yet undecided. DH has started a few grey hairs as well and he is all romantic about going grey together....

Still undecided. Sorry if that is not helpful. Deep down I cannot be arsed and I hope I’ll be like my my who at age 82 is only 20% grey (but everyone thinks she dyes her hair anyway, at her age )

Let’s keep our fingers crossed for lucky genes, and decide next month/year/decade

[inwood]

@GreyHairDontCare111 mine is just like yours!

[GreyHairDontCare111]

I’m in my mid 30s and have grown out my greys, after years of dyeing it. I just had enough one day and stopped. I’m very salt and pepper as you can see (pic attached). I’m much happier, my hair is in better condition than ever and I don’t think it makes me look any older. Being a tired, stressed, working mum is what makes me look old, nothing to do with my hair

[fairlygoodmother]

I have a single process on my hair and have for years, before it even went grey really. As others have said, this is really hard to come back from because you have a hard stripe as it grows out. It looks great for about 2 weeks but terrible after 5.

So if you want to do anything I would recommend start with minimal intervention - some bits of highlight colour to add interest or a sharper cut - and see how you go, build up if you feel you want to. There are lots of people who look wonderful with their natural grey hair. Maybe you’ll be one of them. My clothes style tends towards frumpy and scruffy so I’m not ready to let my hair go yet.

[Ninkanink]

It’s all good! I agree you can’t win as a woman no matter what you do or don’t do, and I’m not judging any woman for any decision she makes about her own body. I really wasn’t intending to turn it into a great big feminist discussion but I do have a very rebellious streak when it comes to societal expectations of women so I usually can’t help railing against it. OP’s obvious hesitancy to start on the treadmill came through so I responded to that.

[Titsywoo]

I'm the least vain person ever and rarely wear makeup, am generally a bit of a scruff but I dye my hair. It's nothing to do with looking older - I'm not trying to cover my wrinkles - but I like my hair to be a colour I like and grey isn't it for me. Lots of people embrace the grey and good on them - although shades and tones of grey are very different so it's down to what you get really!

I've been highlighting my hair all my life but when the grey really started coming through I made all the highlights bleach. People did compliment it but actually i don't think it worked that well for me (and certainly not my hair condition!). This month I had one bleach, one darker golden blonde and one sort of reddy-auburn colour which looks great.

[Fatted]

Personally, I'd say give it a go at growing them out and see how you feel. You can always dye it again if you hate it!!

I'm 39 and have just gone six months without dying my hair. I eventually gave up and started colouring it again. I hated how it looked, with my colour in the ends fading. The hair on the top of my head is still growing in mainly dark, but the underneath is mostly grey. I think I'm going to wait now until it is all growing in grey before I give up colouring it.

I just colour mine at home every month. My favourite is a Loreal one which comes with a tube of what I'd describe as a toner or colour wash. You can use that to top up the colour every couple of weeks. I only then actually need to dye my hair every six weeks.

[MrsEricBana]

The bottom line is you can't win if you choose to colour or not so, as with anything, you just need to do what's right for you. Probably doesn't need to be a huge feminist debate.

[Dozer]

The primary issues for me are cost, time and health (skin reactions and hardcore chemicals in the dye).

[Ninkanink]

@user1480880826 you can take up dyeing anytime but undoing it can become quite problematic. So no harm in waiting a little longer to see how you feel.

But I feel like I should state now that there’s no obligation not to dye your hair in order to be doing womanhood right, either!

[Dozer]

I haven’t touched dye due to health concerns, cost, time, and annoyance that men are not under this social pressure.

Agree that sexism/ageism intersect, can also be discrimination if overweight. It sucks!

[Ninkanink]

I’m sorry if you felt I was being unkind, and just to be clear I’m obviously not commenting on specific individuals when I say that - everyone is free to do or not do whatever they want in relation to style/fashion/aesthetics, and indeed to do or not do anything they want to their bodies. I make no judgement on that.

However the immense societal pressure on women to negate their perfectly normal process of ageing, and the resultant feeling of obligation to present an idealised image even if one dreads the associated treadmill of faff and expense is directly related to the cult of youthfulness. Youthfulness is prized for one reason only - sexual availability - and associated attitudes of patriarchy/misogyny are hugely oppressive and damaging to girls and women. I’m not going to mindlessly play along with that.

It’s not unkind to reject that, nor to challenge it.

[MrsEricBana]

I know there is a big trend for going grey and being patronising to those of us who don't want to but to be honest i would find my sort of grey very depressing
Exactly. Fine to go grey if you want to but equally not wanting to do so is fine too and rather unkind to suggest that anyone wanting to cover their greys is worshipping at the altar of youthfulness or bowing down to some sort of societal obligation to look younger and "better".

[Astrabees]

I am 63 but have very few grey hairs as my natural colour is light brown. I have loads of fine highlights put in some blondish, some caramel some light brown. There is no line when they start to grow out, so I'm able to be flexible about how often they are re-done - usually every 12 weeks. if the overall look gets a bit brown or too blonde my hairdresser changes the colours a bit. I get lots of compliments. I know there is a big trend for going grey and being patronising to those of us who don't want to but to be honest i would find my sort of grey very depressing.My mother didn't go grey until well into her 80's and I don't want to either.

[user1483387154]

I'm 42 and very lucky that I have very few white hairs however I have previously dyed my hair with box dye to red which worked even on white hairs.
atm I have decided just to go white as and when it happens

[hamsterchump]

I'm 32 and have about 50% grey now I think (saw first pure white hairs in early 20s!) I dye the roots only with Poundland dye every 2-3 weeks because I can't tolerate seeing any grey. It seems to work and means I'm only spending about £20 a year.

[Lamplighter234]

I’m mid 40’s and box dye my dark hair as I’m getting more and more around temples and parting and I’m not ready to embrace the grey yet. It all depends in your own personal tolerance I suppose. It is a PITA, but I use a temporary spray on roots in between dyes which is quite low maintenance.

[Sickoffamilydrama]

Hi OP I'm early 40s so a bit older than you. I'm lucky that I'm only just getting some grey. I've been wrestling with wether I'll dye or not, and similar to you I know I will get annoyed with the faff and cost to dye so have decided not to.

You will get different reactions from people some very nice, kind people have for years absorbed all the messages about youth and beauty.

What has been interesting is when I told my mum her face was a picture she's only just stopped dyeing hers at 70, she even said to me oh but your so beautiful and grey is very ageing. Which actually made me more determined not to dye it and show my beautiful daughters that they can be lovely just as they are. Anything we do to alter ourselves should be for fun and the love of it i.e make up, fashion. It should never be an obligation.

[MrsEricBana]

Good outcome OP!

[user1480880826]

You’re absolutely right @Ninkanink and I don’t normally subscribe to all of that augmentation either. I wear make up to work, and paint my toe nails in the summer but that’s about all. If there was no societal pressure I wouldn’t do either of those things. I also wouldn’t shave my body hair.

However, I am conscious that women are treated differently as they age. I’m only in my 30s so the thought of looking older due to grey hair doesn’t really appeal to me. However, I’m very aware that I shouldn’t feel that way. Maybe I need to give grey a chance. The faff of dying it really isn’t my cup of tea.

[Ninkanink]

Yes I wear a bit of make up sometimes and keep myself fairly groomed. But I don’t routinely wear a full face of make up. Maybe two or three times a year. Can’t be bothered with that faff either, and don’t subscribe to the notion that I should be obligated to do so just because I might look ‘better’ that way. It’s an ideal that I don’t subscribe to.

I don’t wear false nails, or eyelash extensions (tried those once - I’ve got no problem with giving things a go if I fancy them - but omg never again, not worth the damage to my own natural eyelashes in order to present a version of myself that isn’t actually authentic).

I stopped wearing nail varnish at all for over two years because that was getting to be an unbearable faff as well; have recently tried gel varnish for a couple of months but that’s been put to bed as I don’t want to sacrifice my rather weak nails in order to wear embellishment.

To my mind there is a big difference (for me) between adding a little bit of definition to my face, or having a pretty colour on my nails/a bit of shimmer on my eyelids, and actually changing myself or my body through dye/extensions/augmentation.

That doesn’t mean I’m making a judgement on anyone else who chooses to do so. I just resent the implication that there’s some sort of obligation on a woman to look younger/‘better’, and I won’t play along with it.

OP sounded as if she felt there was an obligation to do something about her greys. There absolutely isn’t. I don’t think I’m out of order to make that assertion, given that society screams the opposite at us from every direction, all the time. OP will obviously decide for herself what her course of action will be, based on advice and opinions given to her in answer to her query.