dd is upset that she 'has purple and red blotchy legs and cankles'. Can anyone help?

[Gatekeeper]

she is 14 and the most beautiful girl on the planet but she hates her legs. She has stopped growing now 5' 2 ish i am 5'8 but she has inherited my mother's legs . Mine are the same shape wise but are a bit longer due to my height so more in proportion

Her issue is that they are blotchy all the time; in cold weather they turn a myriad of colours like mine do but because her skin is very, very pale it shows up more. She is also upset that her legs are shapeless and she has cankles . She is slender elsewhere

She is otherwise very healthy and rarely ill- just hates her legs. She is crying about them upstairs and after a cuddle and a chat I said I would ask Mumsnet

oh wise ones...what can you advice? I have given her a bodybrush I found in my drawer and showed her how to use it on her legs to start things off to help improve circulation

Thank you

[Bloopbleep]

Toning and shaping won't actually change the shape of her ankles and calf muscles unless she's already overweight or looking for bodybuilders legs. Cycling can help tone and define what is already there.


Can I also suggest people stop saying she's inherited your mother's legs which doesn't come across as positive. I get told I inherited my granny's legs all the time and it's not said as a compliment. Simple old fashion sayings like that can have a huge impact on a teen. I know it's not meant from a place of criticism but if your mum had stumps instead of stalks then your daughter will see it that way.

Body shapes can change massively between 14 and 18+ so there's every likelihood she won't look as she does now, forever. Fwiw I was 5' at 14 and grew until I was 21 and ended up 5'5" so she may not stay that height forever either.

[Gatekeeper]

Misscph she is a bit of a carb monster but loves avocados, fish etc

[spankhurst]

I have very disproportionately chunky calves and ankles for my build. I wore jeans a lot when young (80s and 90s) and now tend to wear knee length straight skirts with knee boots, which looks pretty good. Your dd will realise in time that her worth is not her body, and certainly not one part of her body.
Gentle body brushing does help a lot, and I find any ankle puffiness decreases a lot if I avoid wheat. She could use one of those body lotions with a touch of tanner in to take the edge off the pallor. And (pardon my bragging) despite being 'imperfect', I never struggled to get boyfriends. The vast majority of boys couldn't care less or even notice such things.

[Gatekeeper]

Point taken Bloop...will have to stop saying things like that as she's a sensitive little chick

[Tanaqui]

Ankle boots obviously good! And if you have a Zumba class I would try that- dancing is great for cardio but also you use your feet a lot so good for ankles! If possible try a few as you need one you click with iyswim.

Other classes that might be fun for a 14 yr old would be cluubercise or body jam!

[Fluffycloudland77]

Your circulation improves as an adult, circulatory problems are more common in children & the elderly. I had blotchy legs in winter but can't remember getting them as an adult.

It won't hold her back, men aren't interested in her cankles.

[BusterGonad]

Fluffy I expect she hates her legs because she does, not to pull a man at 14!

[Fluffycloudland77]

She won't be 14 forever though. I'm sure 14yo have interest in having bf/gf at some point in their life.

[BusterGonad]

I know what you're saying but i don't like the mentality that women want to look nice for men, I wear make up for me, nice clothes for me, I find it a bit off. BUT I suppose when we are talking about a 14 year old I expect you are right. So I'm sorry for my rant.

[CheddarGorgeous]

Whatever her leg shape she really really really needs more exercise. Official guidelines are 5 hours of moderate exercise a week for under 16s.

It doesn't have to be sport, brisk walking counts, although impact exercise will build strong bones, important for women who want to avoid osteoporosis in later life.

You sound a lovely mum

[BusterGonad]

OP, I would buy her some beautiful leg cream with a hint of tan and sparkle so when she looks down at her legs they look gorgeous and hopefully she'll learn to love them or you could try the Sally Henson spray stuff which is like foundation for legs or Rimmel leg make up that washes off. I hated my legs at school, they've always been a lovely shape (they are now my best feature) but to me they were skinny, pale and covered in red dots and dark hairs. I toyed with fake tan, it was the years of the newly released The Body Shop fake tan, so instead of white legs I had orange streaky legs! I lived in black winter tights and trousers.

[Whoknowswhoknows]

I understand you want to do anything to help your dd, but fixating on parts of your appearance that you don't like and trying to change them is a pretty good way to ensure lasting unhappiness for life.

Rather than giving her the idea she can attain an unrealistic skin tone and body shape, i think general self esteem stuff would help her - sports, hobbies, self-expression, good role models who ACHIEVE things other than looking good. I would also get her away from social media and beauty / fashion / gossip magazines and websites. They promote this toxic crap relentlessly because making people unhappy with their bodies generates millions of pounds for the beauty/ diet industries.

[BusterGonad]

I agree who knows about social media and magazines etc... they are so unrealistic and full of bull shit. I've spent my life feeling shit due to the media telling us how to look and be and it's a load of shite. I struggle to be happy with myself but I try my bloody hardest, it doesn't help that my mum and sister were on constant diets either!

[JiminyCricket]

'Oh well, we all have something we are less keen on, but I think your legs are lovely...focus on the whole you and don't buy into the whole industry of making women feel bad about themselves - build yourself up and build your friends up - whatever they look like.' Or something like that - how you respond to this will help her learn a healthy response.

[taybert]

So, I've learned from this thread that cankles are not quite what I thought they were, and I think I've got them. Maybe. I have to say a lot of the daily mail examples of thin, rich, beautiful women who are nevertheless afflicted mainly just look like legs to me..... . Luckily I don't care, but then I'm not a teenager and thankfully I didn't know of their existence when I was.

I know teenagers worry about stuff and I agree letting her buy a couple of products that she perceives might help is a nice, supportive thing to do. I just think it's a shame that she's worried about something that is really a non issue.

[taybert]

Ah look, loads of posts that say it better than me whilst I was typing!

[Statelychangers]

Like other posters I think you need to reinforce the lies behind the fashion industry - the photoshopping, the filters, flattering lights, the eating disorders, self esteem issues etc.
Mind you nice warm lighting in your bathroom and dressing area does wonders for your self esteem. Nothing wrong with wearing anything you like but oh how I wish I had understood how to dress for my body shape and skin colour when I was a teen - I would have felt much better in myself. Exercise is needed - for her health, healthy people look and feel better.

[taybert]

Helping anyone dress well for their shape, colouring etc should always be about positives though- "this is great because it emphasises your waist" not "because it hides your cankles"!

I never liked my legs- too short, pale, big thighs (and now I discover I have cankles!) Now, however, I think they're a right good pair. They're strong and they can run 10k up a mountain. That's good enough I'd say. That attitude comes with maturity but it starts with positive messages early on.

[BusterGonad]

I never knew bingo wings existed until a few years back, I'd wave in a T-shirt without a care in the world, now not so much do!

[INeedNewShoes]

I have chunky veiny legs. Apparently I inherited my grandfather's legs - charming!

In my view the best thing you can do to help your DD is not to make a big deal of hiding them or trying to tone them. If others don't make a big deal of it eventually she'll just accept it's the way she is.

I don't wear the right clothes to hide my legs. I wear what I want to! If you don't draw attention to your less attractive features and if you have a smile on your face people are very unlikely to be looking at your legs anyway! I know I don't spend much time looking at legs.

[wheelwithinawheel]

God I had the blotchiness as a teen (still do - but now I work better with it / don't care). It really REALLY bothered me. Body brushing, good massaging of moisturiser at night, exfoliating glove in circular motions in the shower, shave legs, and rub on a little coconut oil while legs still wet, and blasts of alternating hot and cold water at the end of a shower. Use a tinted moisturiser, and use a gradual build self tan once or twice a week.

[ChardonnayKnickertonSmythe]

Ballet type exercise os really good for that.

There are many videos on you tube, some she can while standing on a train or cleaning her teeth and so on.

[luckymucky]

Get her to check out both Emma Willis and Louise Redknapp' s legs. Both incredibly successful and beautiful women. Both of them have legs that they have said they have prefered to cover in the past. Neither has long, skinny legs but strong athletic (thicker) legs. EW is now advertising leg razors, so she's done okay!!
I would really recommend wash off Rommel sun shimmer instant tan in light matte. Can't go wrong with it and is great for pale skin.

She has legs that work, she's lucky but of course had to see that when you're a teen.

[luckymucky]

Sorry.. Rimmel and hard not had

[Angelitron]

Callanetics... from the 80s😄
They change the shape of legs.