'Deliberately' grey hair - yay or nay?

[PickledLily]

What's the verdict from the MN jury on this matter? Is it possible to look chic/stylish/un-bag-lady-like in your 40s with (some) grey hair? Does it need to be short, long, mixed with other colours, or just avoided at all costs?

[CMOTDibbler]

My ds is 6, and seems fine with me having grey/white hair. Not sure why I should pretend to be other than my actual age tbh

[WhoKnowsWhereTheTimeGoes]

Several people with smart salt and pepper hair in our primary school playground (mums and dads).

[PerryCombover]

do his school friends faint?

i'm 40 and am rather looking forward to becoming a silver vixen
my mate started going grey at 16..dyed it for years and then about 10 yrs ago just let it grow out bit by bit
she's a fab steel grey all over and looks so so so stylish (she is achingly cool)

[niminypiminy]

I'm a sort of haematitite colour with silvery streaks, and I really love it.

For me there are several drawbacks to dyeing (and even more to dying ):

I have almost black hair naturally. Once it started to go grey, there was no dye colour that didn't add warm tones to my very cool-toned hair. All the colours looked much more unflattering than the grey. I could have dyed it black, but that would look awful, and like a teenager.

Dyed hair really always looks like dyed hair. If that's your look, that's fine, but I don't think it's necessarily youthifying.

As your hair lightens, so does your skin, and dyed hair often seems very harsh in comparison to skin tone. If you let your hair go grey, it will tone with your skin, and the white will reflect light onto your face - flattering.

But what's wrong with looking like you've lived a few years in this world. I'd rather any day be a young-looking older woman, than an older-looking young woman.

[niminypiminy]

Oh, and I have primary age children!

[ChippyMinton]

Mine is grey - been dying it since my 20s, and got fed up last year. So now it's grey with blonde highlights.

What this means in practice is to stop having an all-over base colour plus highlights, and just have the highlights. So technically still dyed but without the badger stripe roots

[ChippyMinton]

My DC are at primary school, but I am not the oldest looking parent in the playground.

[Dollydowser]

I think it depends on how it makes you feel. Personally I really don't like it on myself, makes me feel old, drab and depressed, so I colour it.

[QueenieLovesEels]

I think it looks fabulous on some people. My son's head of year has really dark short hair, sort of floppy on top, with vivid White streaks around the front. It looks so striking. When I saw her she wore fitted black clothes and bold silver jewellery and looked so chic. I think that's the key-you've got to look sharp and minimalist. Lipstick helps too.

For some reason I don't think it works so well with curly hair, but that's just my view.

[IShallWearMidnight]

I'm just back from the hairdressers where she has oohed and aahed over my silver stripes, which are officially approved? by my teen and primary aged DDs. Apparently since I've stopped dyeing it my "face looks far less red, mum" .

I agree though, you probably need to change style (hair and clothes) to something a bit sharper, so as not to look like a witchy bag lady that might be just me though. I've made a start with the clothes, but still need to work on the makeup and jewellery jewelery necklaces and stuff.

[eBook]

Judi Dench does it well.

[valiumredhead]

I agree about the skin tone changing - I think it's very hard to get the dye colour right once you have started to to go grey.

MY mum went silver and white - no grey - looks STUNNING!

[PickledLily]

Hmm, so looking at pics it does seem to work if you were blonde originally, or have a streak of white/grey, and have few wrinkles - or are a model

Not sure my wardrobe is sharp enough to carry it off, but might be worth a try, although DD isn't even primary school age yet

Chippy, do spill the beans, what makes the oldest looking mum in the playground look so old?

[Teeb]

Jamie Lee Curtis looks amazing with her short crop and grey hair, but then she is Jamie Lee Curtis.

[Sonotkylie]

I have a white stripe through my dark brown hair. Been like that since I was 18 or so. I dyed it for years and then decided I couldn't be bothered anymore. Its still a stripe not pepper and salt and my hairdresser cuts it to show it off (she loves it!). You do need to be careful with the style as too much grey around the face (particularly after a bad night or with no makeup - don't wear much but blusher essential) can be very ageing. I much prefer it now to when it was dyed. Oh and DS is in primary school and all his friends love it (I find that a bit weird but they are 5 and a lot of what they do seems weird if I'm honest)

[DuchessOfAvon]

I am my natural colour for the first time since I was 16. I am pretty salt-and-pepper but it falls in streaks. My base colour is mouse so its actually livened up my hair no end. My natural hair colour works much better with my skin tone too - that has been a revelation.

I am over 40 and have one primary school kid and one at nursery. I keep fit, try to dress well and I feel fine in my skin for the first time in ages.

Sheesh - I never twigged I am a prematurely aged hag - shoot me now.

[Caerlaverock]

I am really pale and would look horrific if I unleashed my grey

[ChippyMinton]

pickledlily - it's really those that are stuck in a timewarp style-wise, clothes and hair and shoes. The younger mums have never owned boot-cut jeans or mum-boots or fleeces.

[Rooble]

I am just transition

[Rooble]

I am just transitioning now, and think this bit is the difficult bit. Dyed it for 15 years. Have upgraded my wardrobe (fitted clothes, strong colours, more makeup and esp strong lipstick colours). I can't wait until the brown has all grown out. Getting silver highlights next week to speed up the process!
(Have one 5-year old and definitely DON'T look like the oldest mother in the playground)

[ChippyMinton]

Well done Rooble. I did mine when all the light brown base colour got bleached out and went a disgusting bright gold shade on my summer holidays. My hairdresser gradually added cool ash lights instead of gold, and after about 6 months I'd pretty much got it rid of the base. The only dark bit is underneath so I have a shaped bob which exposes it under all the grey/blonde so it looks deliberate.

[PickledLily]

"boot-cut jeans or mum-boots or fleeces". Phew, I think I'm in the clear.

Has anyone tried returning to grey and regretted it?

[Aquelven]

I'm put white, really, not a trace of another colour.
Started to go white in my mid teens & was pure white when I married at 23.
I love it. Wear it in a mid length bob. I get loads of compliments & even get asked where I get it coloured which I find amazing!

[purplepenguin86]

I think it can look really nice if the cut is good (particularly pixies eg Judi Dench, Jamie Lee Curtis etc) and your style is right. I think you have to make sure your clothes are really stylish and on trend though, and wear nice jewellery, good make up etc, or you can run the risk of looking a bit frumpy.