Holidays and adult SC

[WhiteCat1704]

I have a 19year old SD living with us. She has moved out to university but has been back a fair amount for holidays. With the covid19 situation she has been back since March.
We get on well generally but she can be quite lazy and inconsiderate. Not helping out around the house which has been a source if tension. She can also be arrogant and argumentative especially with her dad.
In general she is a good company but is sometimes very difficult to be around. I think it's her age and hope she will grow out of it.

We have been on holidays together several times through the years and every time she has been more interested in her phone then family time. Also caused arguments and got into arguments with her dad and there is this atmosphere of a sulking, entitled teenager....
This year our main holiday was cancelled due to covid- SD was not supposed to go and it was planned when she was supposed to be at uni.
I'm thinking about booking something in UK but if SD goes the price will increase significantly-think over £1000 just for accomodation- as she needs her own space and won't share with her 5year old brother.
As she is 19 and has gone on her own holidays with her boyfriend and friends in the past AIBU to not include her?
We contribute A LOT towards her university costs and she gets everything for free at home even though she has a job.

Her dad says she is old enough not to holiday with us but I'm struggling with the decision as don't want her to feel excluded...(but also feel resentful of the costs and potential atmosphere)

[WhiteCat1704]

Supporting them through Uni is the norm surely?
And everything in their house is free Again normal

Well, her mother is not doing it is so not that "normal" for everyone.

Exactly. It's also expected that the parent contributes.

In this case it's only one parent and the step-parent. The other parent contributed 0 for years now.

The problem is the double standard..She is either an adult and should not need our money or she is still a dependent so needs to accept what the other department in the family is getting.
And tbh she is fine with it so will see how the sharing goes...

[gotothecooler]

@WhiteCat1704

You seem to have some sort of issue with her mother 'contributing'

I'm quite sure pound on pound over the years her mother has put in a shit load more than her father.

Instead of seeing this as an issue that involves what her mother is doing try to view at as something her father is doing for her without the whatabouterry.

[user1487194234]

I still think it is normal
Ok some people (tight gits) dont do it but normal doesn't mean universal

[DishRanAwayWithTheSpoon]

What does her mother contributing have anything to do eith the situation?

It is expected parents contribute to their childs uni expenses. If one parent is being shit it doesnt excuse another parent. As your DH is the one contirbuting presumably it is his income they are going off

[WhiteCat1704]

I'm quite sure pound on pound over the years her mother has put in a shit load more than her father.

Haha..and how could you possibly know that?
Also you are wrong.

I don't have an issue contributing towords my SDs eductation but I'm saying it's not necessarly "normal" to do that. Plenty of examples where parents can't or won't and SDs mother is one of them.

And no it's not just my DH and his money/income. It's very much me too and my income was taken into account when calculating uni maintanance loan.

Anyway we have settled the original issue and SD will share with her brother. If it doesn't work out she might decide not to go next time...

[user1487194234]

You are splitting hairs about the word normal and I can't be bothered engaging with that
I am sure we can all agree it is the right thing to do

[BuggerMeSausage]

@user1487194234

We ask our adult DC to come on holiday
Whether they do or not depends where we are going
City break somewhere cool/Spanish island /USA 'yes please'
Country cottage with no WiFi
No thanks

That's great if you can afford it and want to but I don't think it should be the expected thing to have to ask and pay for, adult DC to join you on holiday all the time.

I was certainly never paid for to go on holiday with my parents once I was an adult and I wouldn't have expected it either.

[user1487194234]

Well yes
Each to their own

[SandyY2K]

And tbh she is fine with it so will see how the sharing goes...

Then it's a non issue isn't it. Why bother posting and getting shirty with people.

Parents who don't contribute towards uni expenses because they are not financially able is one issue... those who can but don't are not doing what they should.

The one thing I agree with you on is the taking into account the income of a step parent for university loan amounts.

It really should be the biological parents IMO..however if your her dad earns 60k or over your income doesn't make a difference in the loan amount she gets anyway.