I Dont want a devil child

[georgia19ox]

So my DP has a little girl (4) she stays 2 nights a week sometimes she cant be so nice a loving others she is the devil, my problem is my DP will never tell her off we have a little boy on the way and i really dont want to bring my son up the way he lets his little girl off with things, i put it down to being a spoiled brat in the making and being with adults too much
An example where i dont think her behavior is OK when she kicks and hits our dog in the face lucky he is a saint of a dog but DP lets her do it and it winds me up
i have spoken to him about it before saying he babies her and i dont want my son being brought up like that but he always brushes it off and it really does my head in
i really dont want to but sometimes i really dont like her and when i know shes coming i dread going home :(

[CantstopsayingFFS]

Of course. But if you are determined to think of them as 'devil child' then you've decided to never open your heart. Which is very selfish. Why do some people expect to marry someone who already has a child and become the centre of that person's life and act like the child never existed? It's shit behaviour and a lot of people do it.

Agree that's shit behaviour to act like the child never existed. But I also see the step child's treatment and behaviour being managed inappropriately at the expense of the second family and that doesn't do anybody any favours in the long run. We don't know if the OP expects to be the centre of the earth or not, but let's be honest here - every situation is different. Some step families work like a dream and that's normally when everyone behaves like an adult and dealing with responsibilities maturely and effectively. And to my original point, that also doesn't mean you have to love them like your own children. You just need to ensure there's respect for all parties and ensure no negligence. I didn't like my step son when I first met him and he wasn't even 5 yet! I was so disappointed as I love kids in general. And I wasn't even his fathers partner yet! I certainly don't love him like my own children but I'll always look out for him, care for him and teach him ways I teach my own children. Treating him as my own? Well you're damned if you do and damned if you don't! You just have to find a good balance if you're in that situation.

[helpagirloutplease]

4 is still very little. How can you dislike a 4 year old? You don't sound like you deserve to be in her life

[IdiotInDisguise]

Surely you knew what type of a parent he was before you got pregnant?

WTF? Really? I must have missed something in the instruction manual and guarantees that did NOT come with my exH.

Anyhow, I think that you are about to discover that you have different parental styles and that makes things difficult but can still be worked out. What cannot be worked out is having different standard of permissiveness with each kid.

At 4, I can’t see why you cannot tell the girl off for kicking the dog. I would have no hesitation even if the child was a kid of strangers. But as other people say, how she behaves is a result of his lack of concern, not the kid.