Sleeping Arrangements for SD, DS and Baby

[Tia12]

I’m just looking for a bit of advice really, we have a 3 bedroom house, 1 bedroom downstairs and 2 upstairs, no attic as it’s a dorma bungalow. My husband and I currently have the downstairs bedroom, my 12 year old SD has the larger room upstairs with small en-suite (she sleeps over 1 night a week) so we have also used this room as a guest room for when my parents/family come to stay (they live 7 hours away). We have a sofa bed in the lounge which at the moment SD enjoys the novelty of getting to sleep on when they visit. My 3 year old DS has the smaller upstairs bedroom. It has worked well so far (been in the house 3 years now) however we now have a baby boy on the way and I am trying to figure out the best sleeping arrangements for everyone. Any advice would be much appreciated 😊

[Tia12]

Thank you for all these comments and advice, I’m trying to take it all on board before making a decision.
Unfortunately we cannot really have the baby in our room much more than 6 months, we can fit a small crib next to our bed but not enough room for a cot. We would move DSD to our room and we would have the large room with cot however DP and I feel that all children should be upstairs together (at least until DSD is older). You are right, as time passes she will likely stay less and less as she will want to be closer to her friends and doing activities etc on the weekends. Im so torn between DSD sharing with DS or moving DSD to the small room. I’m leaning towards DSD sharing with DS at the moment as this is her preference as she likes having the ‘big room’, and also because I think if DS and baby are in separate rooms everyone will have a bettter quality of sleep. I’m conscious though that as puberty hits DSD this preference may change. Perhaps could keep everything quite neutral and move rooms again if things/feelings change - or hopefully get that extension 😊

[yakari]

Just make it clear options will keep changing as circumstances change and keep rooms neutral (but maybe use soft furnishings to personalise)
So baby arrives and in with you, then at 6 months or so baby in cot in big room but back with you when SD visits or you have guests.
Then when baby is older put the two little ones in the big room and move SD into small room, guests in your room or sofa bed.
When SD gets older and stops staying over as much then split the boys up eg older boy moves into smaller room but keeps some toys in bigger room.
If you build an extension all change again
And so on and so on ....

[phantomofthenorthlaine]

Explain to SD when the time comes, the space issues, the fact that she's growing up and needs her own room, that the LO's are noisy so it wouldn't be fun to share with them & then let her redecorate the single room just for her - buy new bedding etc. Either that or give her the option of the sofa bed when she comes round. Your DS will probably me more adaptable than you think.

[Somerville]

A teenage girl sharing with a young child isn’t realistic long-term. Before long she’ll have periods to contend with, then GCSE revision, etc... You’ll also probably find as she gets older that her stays become a bit more ad-hoc and the nights she’s with you change regularly depending on her schoolwork and social life and Saturday job, etc...
I’d keep it as it is while the baby is in your room, especially as you’ll probably have guests to visit baby so will need that occasional guest room anyway. (Be warned that at the point she has bad period pains/worries about leaking overnight she almost certainly won’t want to be on sofa bed). Make a plan for where baby goes and potentially swapping DSd and DS’s rooms round once you see how well baby sleeps, etc.
My son is now 14 months and still in with us, because older siblings all need their own rooms (homework etc..). I think we can manage this way until he’s at least 2, so it’s given us breathing room for our extension.

[Penhaligon]

If she's 12 already then she won't be sleeping over for much longer. By the time she's 18 I imagine she'll be working or off to uni and then the boys could have a bedroom each. That's only 6 years of sharing.

[PoesyCherish]

I don't think it's fair to make SD share because of their age gaps. I would give her the option though of sharing with one of the boys or having the smaller room - that way the ball is in her court and it's her choice to make. Worst case when your family come to visit you just move the DC around whilst they're there - that's what always happened in my house growing up.

I don't think it's bad to leave the small room empty most nights. It doesn't sound very big so it's not like you're leaving a huge room empty whilst your boys cram in a tiny one.

Fwiw I was with somebody with a DS years ago. He was in our room until he was around 18 months old and also shared with his mum and stepdad at her house until he was about 2/2.5. We didn't have a choice back then as none of us could afford a bigger place. He doesn't seem to have had any adverse effects from it though. If you are worried about your older DS being woken up by the younger one, you can always keep younger one in with you until their sleep is much better.

[Santaispolishinghissleigh]

My ds 3 slept though dgs staying over twice a week from 5 months!! In a good routine I doubt your toddler would be affected by sharing with ds in the bigger room. Dsd in the smaller room.

[Tia12]

In response to one of the comments we have no intention of relegating SD to the sofa bed in the lounge, my husband and I (or my parents) are happy to sleep on the sofa bed when they visit but SD has wanted to for some reason, it’s quite new and she says it’s really comfy.
When we bought our house we had planned on extending the upstairs dorma to create an extra bedroom but have recently come to the decision that it might be taking too much of a financial risk to do so right now, however we still hope to be in a position to do so at some point in the future. I didn’t want to put ttc on hold because of this and have another huge age gap. Thank you for the link regarding sharing, I didn’t know this, does iit mean two children over 10 should not sharie if opposite sex, or just one of the children need to be over 10? My SD has her own room 6 nights week at her mothers home so I guess I didn’t think it would be too detrimental to share 1 night a week? I could perhaps move DS or baby out of the room for that night so that she can have more privacy? The small room is only big enough for one so the two boys couldn’t share that, but we could possibly get a make up bed in there for one night a week for DS to share with baby? Would that be fair to him? I just want everyone to be happy and comfortable.

[Howdoyoudoit31]

SD goes in small room which then becomes a guest room when she’s not here and your two share the big room.

Or sd and 3 year old share and baby gets the small room.
Your SD can sleep on the new pull out sofa if she hates it.

[HouseworkIsASin10]

Give SD the option of smaller room upstairs, or larger room downstairs.
Either way she can't keep the large en-suite under the circumstances.

[Cherries101]

Baby with you until the 3 yo is able to sleep through the night. Your SD room remains as is.

[adaline]

Things can stay as they are for now, but eventually, put SD in the smaller room, baby and 3yo can share the larger room.

Please don't make your step-daughter share with a toddler/baby.

[Snappedandfarted2018]

www.nspcc.org.uk/preventing-abuse/child-protection-system/legal-definition-child-rights-law/bedroom-sharing-moving-out/

[junebirthdaygirl]

My thought was the same as Whitecat. Baby with you for first 6 months. Baby in guest room in a cot after that but back to you for that one night a week.
Can eventually share with ds in big room in a few years.
Maybe by then sd couuld sleep downstairs?

[TheVanguardSix]

guidelines.
Oy veh!

We work with what we have, OP. Don't let the guidelines brigade get you down.

[TheVanguardSix]

I'm with the others.
The little ones share small room, keep SD in the bigger/guest room.
My two younger ones share a small room (now 8 and 4 years old).

You'll have time to work out the kinks since your little one will be sleeping in your room for a while. Ikea Trofast storage systems really allowed us to expand DD's room into a shared bedroom when our then-baby 'moved in'. Anyway, it's worked out really well over the years. They have a bunkbed (which DD shared with big brother when big brother shared a room with her years ago).

[SunnyintheSun]

According to the Canadian National Occpancy Standards children of opposite sexes over the age of 5 should not share a room! meteor.aihw.gov.au/content/index.phtml/itemId/386254

[Buggeritimgettingup]

What guidlines!?

[Snappedandfarted2018]

Guidelines say children over the age of 10 should not share with the opposite sex so it would be massively inappropriate for her to share with her 3year old brother. The two boys need to share the bigger room and leave the smaller room for you’re dsd. Surely you thought about this before you tried for a baby?

[WhiteCat1704]

I'm not sure...as she is only st yours 1night per week she should share with someone..how about you give her babys room and have the baby sleep with you when she visits?

[redastherose]

Definitely give SD the choice. Keep current bedroom and share with baby until he's older or have smaller room on her own. You can look at the arrangement again when baby is older or if he is disturbing her too much. Don't kick her out of the big room or give you DC's both bedrooms she will feel pushed out and unloved if she is relegated to the sofa permanently.

[Tia12]

Thanks for all advice and comments, I guess at the end of the day I know it’s a sensitive issue for SD and I want to make sure she doesn’t feel pushed out in any way. Our 3 year old is still waking through the night (once or twice) so we are up and down the stairs anyway, he is a very light sleeper. We decided to be downstairs as it felt safer for SD and DS to be upstairs and we didn’t want SD to feel left out if she was downstairs on her own at night. SD seems to be keen and happy with the idea of sharing but as she becomes a teenager I’m wondering if that might suddenly change, I think she likes having the bigger room with en-suite and doesn’t want to give that up even if it means sharing?

[Willow1992]

We just moved and had a similar situation with my stepson 11, DS 4 and baby DD on the way. I think it's nice to give the older step child a choice. DSS had the choice to either take the small room or share the largest room with DS. He adores DS and was dead keen to share with him as it turned out so it's not always the mean option.

[user1486915549]

If I was a 13 year old girl and was expected to share with a 3 year old boy I wouldn’t stay over any more.

[IStandWithPosie]

with you.