Unfair exw

[lycanwolf]

I've been with dh 6 years and have 1 ds. He has 2 dd from first marriage.
Exw has been in touch with dh wanting him to lay half of school uniform costs, she does this every year even though she knows we can't afford this.

For contest dh is off work with depression and anxiety, taking medication and attending counselling. I'm working but part time and get little help benefits wise, often relying on my parents for help. She is also remarried, working pt and her dh works ft so more income then we have.

I wish she'd realise we can't afford this and stop asking, it's bad enough she won't provide the basics for them when they come to stay here. It's literally the clothes they arrive in and the toys they want to bring from home.

[NewUserNameTime]

OP how are you?

[Beaverhausen]

Oh thank god someone else said it, have been biting my tongue so that I do not come across as a bitch by saying that @Patheticnurse

[PerverseConverse]

I've been following this from the start but not commented.

All I'll say is that when OPs seem to make a very quick turnaround it seems to be that they have had these thoughts for ages, maybe not even consciously iyswim, and when the mumsnet majority pile on it causes a massive light bulb moment of wtf have I been doing all this time and they make the decision to leave.

Mumsnet pointed out lots of things with my own relationship that I knew and ignored. At first I was really upset and fought against it but after a while the knowledge that they were right came to the fore. I'll always be grateful for that even though I hated a few posters for what they were saying.

[Zoflorabore]

agreed Pathetic

It's quite a turn around

[PatheticNurse]

After the last post by OP, I'm questioning the validity of anything she has written as it seems to all be so quick!

[swingofthings]

lycanwolf, are you saying that you gave him ultimatums before even reading this thread because you'd been frustrated with the situation and he ignored them and you went along with it until this thread open your eyes to the situation, or did you always go along supporting him and suddenly decided that indeed, it wasn't about being sympathetic about mh issues (as you made a point to raise on this thread) but about him taking you and his ex for granted.

I find it quite alarming that you could have taken such a drastic decision just from comments from total strangers on one thread. I hope there is a lot more to what you've shared here that led you to your decision.

[SandyY2K]

I've left him, I had a long talk with my parents and dsis and realised I'm not happy, this isn't what I want for my son

I'm sure that wasn't an easy decision for you.

[MistressDeeCee]

Stressed & Minor are spot on

[StressedToTheMaxx]

Dont expect to see maintance from ex but sadly you may be in a better position without him draining you financially and emotionally.
I you are okay. You deserve someone to help support the family not expect you to do it all.

[sue51]

That's a massive step to take. Have you really thought this through properly?

[funinthesun18]

If you really have left him then onwards and upwards now. Time to concentrate on you and ds. You’ll be ok.

[Snappedandfarted2018]

Glad you saw sense but for how long op. Don’t be expecting maintenance or a contribution towards you’re ds.

[MinorRSole]

I would just take a step back op - it's been about a day and a half since you first posted and in that time you've done a complete turn and gone from defending him to leaving him. I'm not saying whether this is the right or wrong decision, only you can know that but make sure you do know it.

It seems very quick and a little reactionary - could you think of it as more of a break? Encourage him to get help or get motivated?

If you've been together 6 years and he's been signed off for 3 then presumably 50% of your relationship has been better than this?

I really do hope it works out for you both and that you are able to work on your marriage and find happiness together again

[LunaTrap]

Xpost- he can facilitate contact between siblings when he has his time with them all, that should be part of the effort he starts making.

[multiplemum3]

So when you said you were living off your part time wage that was rubbish as he's also claiming benefits? Sorry I've lost even more respect for the whole situation now, he has an income (however small) and its still refusing to contribute anything? Wow

[LunaTrap]

I'm not being spiteful, I'm suggesting that if the thread is upsetting the OP then maybe deliberately bumping it after nobody has posted for ages isn't the best idea.

[lycanwolf]

I didn't mean to bump it I was just reading it and put the phone down I must have caught it somehow

Anyway for the pp who hVe been kind to me there's been a development.

I've left him, I had a long talk with my parents and dsis and realised I'm not happy, this isn't what I want for my son or myself. I still love him it's not about that but I need to see him make some effort.

Hopefully exw will be as eager as I am for the girls to spend time with ds and I'll be as flexible as I can be to accommodate this

[MistressDeeCee]

I have my own ds to consider and he needs these things, obviously he is my priority

Shitty thing to say but truthful at least in admitting it.

Sniping at exW re how much she spends on her DCs is petty beyond belief. You sound peeved, I guess you are focused on the exW as you feel she has a better life/lifestyle than you.

Your H has 3 kids by 2 different women and can't pay a shiny penny to support any of them. Your parents are also helping you both financially. Yet he still can't pay anything at all?

Has his illness lasted 6 years?

& even if your H can't provide, you shouldn't moan about his exW as she provides all that he doesnt provide. Day after day year in year out, not just when it's time to buy school uniform.

Everybody around is contributing, except your H. Think about that.

[StepBackNow]

Luna, leave her alone, eh? Why try to upset her even more? It's cruel and unnecessary. And spiteful.

[LunaTrap]

Genuine question- if the responses are upsetting you why did you bump the thread after it went quiet for ages?

[FourFriedChickensDryWhiteToast]

" I wouldn’t be surprised if he stopped working just to stop child maintenance payments! "

it's not unknown...

[lycanwolf]

What a mean spirited poster you are. Tell me is your cave nice? Kindly crawl back in it

[newusername12345]

There is only one issue here for you... the exw! You are extremely jealous of her and her lifestyle and I’m pretty sure you wouldn’t want your dh to contribute financially towards his kids even if he was working! I’m really concerned for these kids when they are with you, I certainly wouldn’t want my kids around someone like you! Exw can do whatever the hell she wants, if you want to have the same lifestyle as her go work full time (and no I don’t mean to pay for your dh’s kids, because that is his responsibility). I wouldn’t be surprised if he stopped working just to stop child maintenance payments! Poor kids and exw!

[lycanwolf]

.

[funinthesun18]

Everything Sandy just said ^^