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Connect with other Mumsnetters here for step-parenting advice and support.

Step-parenting

Dh ex wants to meet new baby

53 replies

pondduck · 03/04/2018 17:18

Did your Dh ex ask to meet your new baby?
Dh ex wants to meet the baby when step children do.

She has gone on to have more children after Dh but Dh hasn't really met them, nor would particularly want to. I feel like it is a bit odd.

OP posts:

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Maybe83 · 03/04/2018 20:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

pondduck · 03/04/2018 20:51

"I think your Dh is a bit odd for not wanting to meet his kids half siblings"
He has briefly met them at drop offs and pick ups. They are his ex and her partners (who she cheated on him with) children though. I don't see why he would need or want to have much to do with them.

OP posts:

DaisysStew · 03/04/2018 20:56

I think meeting the baby at drop offs/pick ups is fine and perfectly normal but requesting that she be included in the DCs seeing their sibling for the first time is a bit weird and intrusive especially if her and your DH don’t get on.

user1484247439 · 03/04/2018 21:07

I've met my ex's new baby and he has mine but our relationship is good and I get on well with his new dp. I wouldn't have expected him to bring their baby round though, that's slightly weird imo. If shes nasty on the phone it would be a massive no. If shes desperate to meet the baby she should do her fair share of pick ups And drop offs!

scrivette · 03/04/2018 21:33

On your situation I would say that I wouldn't want them to meet yet.

However, it depends on each situation. My Stepsons Mum has met my children and when DSS was younger we frequently used to take out one or more of his siblings with us and they came with DSS to stay a few times too. It completely depends on the relationships and the age of the children.

Bananasinpyjamas11 · 03/04/2018 22:58

Cricket no again! Yuk yuk yuk. After your last posts.

This actually sends a shiver down my spine. EW wanted to drive DSDs to hospital to meet the baby. And I know she’d be angling to come in. My DP told me on the day I gave birth. I said no but it was weird. There was no reason why DP could not have collected them.

A strange gulf between me and DP descended. It actually really, really upset me as DP was a bit ‘what’s the problem’. And I found myself having to explain myself on the day I’d bloody given birth! It marred part of that special day. I actually cried!

She has been interfering in our lives ever since.

Bananasinpyjamas11 · 03/04/2018 22:59

Whoops! Cricket not cricket.

Bananasinpyjamas11 · 03/04/2018 22:59

Aaarghhhh Auto bloody correct!

Crikey.

NoqontroI · 03/04/2018 23:01

I was going to say yes, it sounds like a nice thing, but if she's unpleasant to your DH then I would wonder about her motives. And say no!

Loandbeholdagain · 03/04/2018 23:05

I would hate this if I was the mum of a new baby. I probably wouldn’t agree, and certainly not at the firs meeting and certainly only if I was there too.

If I want children had a new half sibling I would totally want to meet them and help them absorb this massive new information in their life.

Her being unpleasant to your husband has forfeited her potential to persuade you to her mindset I think.

Do what you feel comfortable with.

LucyMorningStar · 03/04/2018 23:10

Just for everybody's entertainment - my H's ex barged in to my delivery room just minutes after my DD was born when she brought their son! Now that was a WTF moment, considering she had an awful relationship with both him and me!
I was too gobsmacked to say anything and so was he.

NorthernSpirit · 04/04/2018 07:31

Just read your last post.

This doesn’t sound a ‘nice’ offer on the mothers part. It sounds like a control tactic to exert her position. What’s her motive?

So the EW refuses to do any child drop offs and pick ups. Why?

So if she meets the baby it will have to be at yours. Nope. Remember you are in control not her.

She’s not nice to your OH and shouts at him.

She had an affair, no wounder your OH doesn’t want to meet her new children!

I would say to her ‘happy for you to meeet the child in the future when you drop or pick the kids up’. Don’t offer any more.

MeridianB · 04/04/2018 11:38

I would say to her ‘happy for you to meeet the child in the future when you drop or pick the kids up’. Don’t offer any more.

I wouldn’t, because she will miraculously drop off or collect once to barge in and you will have no control over it.

Just ignore and if she requests again, DH can be super vague.

SwitchTo · 04/04/2018 12:20

Massively intrusive on Exs part. Your baby is nothing to do with her. Only your SCs. Don't agree to this, as you're rightfully uncomfortable about it. She sounds like a self important PITA as well. Your DP needs to put her in her place, because she doesn't seem to know it!

Quietlife1979 · 04/04/2018 12:23

The thought of that just gives me the creeps for some reason - like she is requesting an audience with his latest offspring!

It’s not as if she is just dropping by with a gift - baby has to be taken to her so she can peer in to it’s face.....

Creepy !

WhiteCat1704 · 04/04/2018 13:17

No...just bloody no!

Bananas..there was a very similar shit going on with ex and SD when I was in hospital but my DH never said anything to me..I found out few weeks later there was some drama going on..I'm so happy he shielded me from this post a very traumatic birth..don't blame you for splitting up with your OH..sounds like he really didn't step up when you needed him

user1493413286 · 04/04/2018 19:16

DSDs Mum wanted to meet our baby because she likes babies and it’s her daughters sister but I wouldn’t have her there at the first meeting as that’s very special and is unfair of her to expect

pondduck · 05/04/2018 14:38

Thanks.
I know a few people have said 'maybe she just likes babies' and think this is a good enough reason. Maybe she does, but she has had her babies and surely can hold her friends and siblings babies.
I would like the kids to meet their sibling ASAP. They are the closest family after me and their dad. But I'm not keen on having my husbands ex hanging around during this special time causing tension. Even before my close friends (who unlike her are actually nice people and kind to us) meet the baby.

OP posts:

SandyY2K · 05/04/2018 17:11

I wouldn't want the baby going to her house and I think you should have your step children meeting their sibling without her there.

I really don't see why she's poking her nose in your business. If my Ex cheated I'd have no desire for him to meet my new kids.

Morningdash · 06/04/2018 10:30

So you aren't even expected to be there when they all meet up for the first time? Erm - just no!

seedsofchocolate · 11/04/2018 18:15

If she likes babies, she can have a wander around mothercare, or have another of her own.

My dd will be getting a new half sibling soon. Ive zero interest in meeting her/him. Nor do i think I am entitled to.

takeittakeit · 12/04/2018 07:11

Why are people so precious.
Op - no to EX being there at first meeting - not appropriate.

I have met DCS new sib, infact said child walks into my house plonks their butt on the cushions and says takeit - can I have x favourite sweet. Said child knows I have them just for them and said child is comfortable in his siblings house.

Ex is now separated from OW.

Their sibling is a major part of my DCS lives - we go on holiday and they want to buy sib presents. Xmas bday etc.

I have told my DCS their sib is welcome in our house just like their friends and said sib will NEVER be able to say their siblings family treated them badly. Nothing like said Siblings mother did to his siblings when EX and she were together.

My feelings and opinions of the adults involved in the whole debacle to not involve 6 kids .

It is not weird to want to at least have a n idea of their sibling - to not be interested is weird.

Said sibling -knows he is welcome and long may it go on.

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WatchoutDSisdriving · 12/04/2018 07:15

Agree not at first meeting, that should be a special time for you all.

Boooommm · 12/04/2018 07:26

I disagree with the majority. We had a pretty rocky relationship with DHs ex but it was very important time for DSS. Having his mum involved at such a critical moment felt right for him and I think made him feel easier to accept his siblings (that he now loves). For me it was a bit annoying as she brought her parents and a friend who I had never met before but again for DSS these were very important people in his life 😂. Look for your inner Bob geldof who raised the child of his ex and the bloke she ran away with.

CurlyRover · 12/04/2018 10:51

Absolutely no way, she can fuck right off. It's a special time between you, DP, your baby and your DSC. She doesn't need to be a part of that. She can't expect to be vile to you and still get to hold / meet your baby especially the first time your DSC meet him / her.

This would make me feel so uncomfortable if DP's ex tried this but then she's batshit crazy. If things were more cordial I think it may be different but even then she still doesn't get to be a part of their first meeting.

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