Dh lets dss rule the house

[FlyingJellyfishintheAttic]

Please can I have some advice on how to talk to,DH about this?

He and ex sometimes change access if he asks to go to a particular parent's.Fine except if he doesn't like the plans me and hubby have already made he will cancel them. I have said dss should come along and enjoy whatever we are already doing or we can pick him up after.

When we moved in we agreed bedtime 9pm as this gives us time together as adults to watch a movie that may be unsuitable for eg. Dh will not tell his son to go to bed but he also tells me I can't watch anything unsuitable.Dss is 10, dd is 1. Dd sleeps in our room so living room is only place to do anything as whole of downstairs is open plan.

Money is tight. I told dh we need to be careful. We also trying to convert attic dh doesn't help as much at home as he drops everything whenever dss wants to do something eg go out. So I have to pick up the slack. Or get left with baby.

He won't parent eg dss can leave things lying around some of which baby could swallow and dh won't ask him to clear up.

My issue is dh. My dss is a child and is just being a normal child but sick of my dh lax parenting

[SilverBirchTree]

OP- why did you have a child with someone whose parenting you disapprove of?

One of the benefits of dating someone with children is that you can see what kind of parent they are before having a child with them.

You can't really complain that you're stuck with the planning etc for DD when you surely knew that's what awaited you?

[Identity1]

OP i think if you have already made plans then stick to them you and DD do original plans DH should quickly realise that you won't let DSS be the boss.
I don't think there's a bedtime for one size fits all ages. Some children need more sleep than others. My SC can pretty much pick and choose what time they go to bed at mum's, and it is obvious when they are here over a weekend that all week it's been late nights and I'm talking 11pm-12pm - with school the next day they're a nightmare, behaviour is terrible, they argue are cheeky etc etc. It irates my DH that mum let's them do this ..... given them a few early nights completely different children.
However saying that you and DH want some time, YANBU to ask DSS to take himself off to bed at 9pm and as many others have suggested lights out say at 10pm if that's suitable for him. As long As you would do same with DD.
I think you need to.discuss with DH what you both feel is reasonable going forward. Can you both compromise on things? And maybe educate DSS that he cannot leave small toys etc lying around as they are a hazard for his sister.

[FlyingJellyfishintheAttic]

Identity that's what I try to do but sometimes it's somewhere that's a drive away and we only have one car (can't afford a second and I can walk to work/ DD nursery etc.

I told him that a compromise could be bed at 9pm but lights out at 10pm (he knows I use MN and I mentioned many say 9pm might be too early).

I would definitely do the same with DD. She is 1 at the moment so can't really do a "time for bed DD" however even with DD DH is showing the same parenting.

Eg DSS was watching a TV program at 9am. DD likes Cbeebies and DSS likes older kids stuff. So I said that as DSSs show finishes at 10am and that's when DDs favourite one starts they can swap then and take turns.

9:20am and DH tries to give DD breakfast and she is screaming and crying as she likes having cbeebies on all day so DH tells DSS to switch over to cbeebies. I said that isn't fair, DSS was promised this was his turn and DD will have to wait. She is too little to understand telling off but DSS isn't and whilst DH thinks its easier to use TV to stop DD screaming as DSS is completely settled it isn't fair for DSS to miss out for this.

I said they have to share, I want them to be treated equally. But DH picking the easiest option isn't good for either of them in the long run as whoever is misbehaving the most will get their way at the expense of the other

[FlyingJellyfishintheAttic]

DDs sreaming was because she wants the TV. She does this a lot.