Some advise please ..... The ex texting dp

[Wibhay]

So I have no children but my dp has 2 who he has fortnight contact with. Anyway his ex constantly texts him late at night usually about things which could wait until the morning like his son has a football match in 2 weeks time etc ....
Anyway yesterday was his sons birthday at late last night when we were in bed a texts comes through from the ex saying this time 10 years ago she was in labour and their son was born etc etc etc.
Am I wrong to feel this is over stepping the mark. To be honest it's all getting a bit much for me know as I feel there's 3 people in this relationship so think I'm going to call time but just wanted some outsiders input before I make my decision
Thanks in advance xx

[WhoGivesAFlying]

My DH once got a text from ex gf saying "it was this time X amount of years ago we made DD". Ik ik ik!

[shoeaddict83]

My DP's ex is the same. Frequently texts and he has to respond within a minute or she gets stroppy, but other way round she'll leave it days before replying!
She once got her daughter to say in front of me 'mummy said to tell you she was listening to your wedding song last night and that you should play it for me to listen to'!!! Obviously DP told her this was inappropriate!
I did get upset at first, but few years down the line i live with it, shes got slightly better and DP just tells her when shes out of line and shuts her down. I think its just coz shes on her own and likes thinking shes causing issues with us, so i just dont let her!
Unfortunately comes with the territory of dating someone with an EXW sometimes!

[DeniseBee]

Almost certainly the Ex knows it's annoying you. When you respond, she'll have that down as a point to her. DHs either cannot or will not see this as a problem. Not sure if it is a man-thing or just a man-with-an-ex-thing.

You have to decide if you can live with it or not. Is it a deal-breaker for you re staying with your DP?

If you split, she will see that as a score to her and do it all over again with his next relationship - so it will eventually become his problem. But by then, you may be in a different (and hopefully happier relationship) so you won't care.

If you stay, you'll have to learn to rise above this. But re the 'need to keep phone on in case of emergencies' - if you have a landline, she can call that. If only mobile, then try to set up phone for night-time calls as suggested by PP.

[ktt512]

WhoGivesAFlying - that exact same thing happened to us 'this time X years ago we conceived dss'! I was absolutely livid as DP had just replied saying 'time flies!' like that was a perfectly normal thing for her to say to him. When I asked him about it he shrugged and said 'what am I meant to do about it?' I found it so inappropriate because she was basically just saying 'Oh hey, remember that time we had sex?'. I'm pretty sure conception is not a celebratory day 8 years down the line.

OP, have you spoken to your OH about it? My OH has never sent a text asking for the messages to stop (except for the extreme ones such as underwear pictures) because he thinks it will start an unnecessary argument, but he just flatly ignores the ones that aren't about the children and even if she texts him about something that is appropriate, if it's 10.30 at night he wouldn't reply until the next day (unless it was an emergency).

Having the ex in your life constantly is definitely hard, my OH himself admits he has no idea what its like for me and he's sure he wouldn't be able to handle it if the shoe was on the other foot. But I just ignore her messages as much as I can, take a deep breath and pick my battles carefully. I think you should say something in passing like 'I think these late night texts are getting a bit intrusive, how do you feel about maybe asking her to respect our evenings unless it's urgent?' I would never expect my OH's ex not to text him in the evenings to let him know if one of the kids is sick, or if we have contact the next day and she's forgotten to tell him something - but a football match in two weeks time doesn't need to be discussed at 10pm.

But then having said that, if I was in her position and I remembered late one night about something that was coming up in a few weeks time I'd probably just text it over while I had it in my head without thinking! It's a total minefield, and having that third wheel in the relationship that you will always have to take into account is tough. I think that to a certain extent it all depends on your OH really, how he responds to how you feel, whether he can see things from your perspective and can adapt to help you all get through it and ultimately, if you want to be with him enough to overcome it. Being with a man with kids and an ever present ex can be a very hard life if you're not 300% into it, warts and all! If you want to stay, communication about your feelings is a must or you'll end up resenting him and possibly the kids too - so after all my waffling I really do think you should just talk to your OH.

[Bananasinpyjamas1]

My OH has never sent a text asking for the messages to stop (except for the extreme ones such as underwear pictures)

Oh my! Now that is definately crossing the boundaries! You poor thing!

[shoeaddict83]

^^ this! id go mental!!