its with sadness that i realise - my son is just a first class arse.

[ThatVikRinA22]

yes he has SN but there is only so much i can take. He is coming up to 21 years old.

he has stolen from us 3 times now, the last just a month ago when he took my bank card and took large sums of money from my already overdrawn bank account.

he treats the house like a hotel.

he turns up at meal times and spends the rest of the time in his room

he sleeps until 3pm most days and stays up most of the night

he wont do his student finance application for his 3rd year at uni - the one where he would move out - which i need him to do as i need the break.

his room is so filthy that when he does go (if??) to uni i will have to throw away the carpet and gut it.

he works part time from home but has run up debt which he refuses to address

he did not buy either myself or my husband anything for our birthdays - even with prompting - it was DH birthday last month - i kept saying have you got your dad anything at all? he kept saying yes, yes, yes, but it never made an appearance - when i ask him now he just storms out of the room

ive tried to talk to him today again about his student finance application but he just gets up and storms off.

yes he has SN. But i did not raise him to be like this, i did not raise him to steal and lie and think only of himself ever, i raised him to be polite and helpful and have manners and to know right from wrong.

during the past few years he has proved himself simply to be not very nice.

[ThatVikRinA22]

thanks fallen. i know. its getting that message through to him that im having a bit of a problem with.

he was so sorry this morning. i had left so many tearful messages on his answer phone in the early hours, and he had been asleep. he was blissfully in the land of nod while i was up pacing the floor, unable to sleep.

he has been careful all day today. i wish i could be sure it would last. but it wont.
we need to talk and he knows we do.

[FallenCaryatid]

14 going on 21, very difficult all round but his strategy of ignoring or denying mistakes in the hope that they will evaporate needs to be dumped.
I do agree with some of the helpful advice you are getting on the other thread, maybe he is failing and cocking up because he's scared of the change that his life is facing. Not intentionally deleting the wrong document, but somehow despite his incredible IT knowledge it happened?
I do think that going into college and asking about resits and resubmission is a good plan, or asking them what they suggest as a way forwards and guilting them into trying to come up with an answer.

[ThatVikRinA22]

i agree.

i need him to see that ignoring, denying, doesnt help or work, only makes things harder and feel worse.

and i agree that he is scared of change - probably not helped by me, as when he has moaned about filling the dishwasher i have said "what are you gong to do at uni when you all have to take a turn at washing up?" and lines to that effect.....with hindsight i realise not the best thing, perhaps, but also wanted to be a realist and i would imagine the smell from his room would illicit complaints....

i am going to have no opportunity to phone college monday or tuesday.....or maybe i will just do it from work. tough. i think i am going to be the appointment car on monday anyway, so i could probably fit it in tbh....i will plan what i need to say and find the time....needs must.