DD told by teacher to 'get over it' ....

[frazzledbutcalm]

Briefly, dd (asd) has to play what shall we do with the drunken sailor on a keyboard in front of the whole class ... all the class have to do this. I emailed senco and wrote music teacher a note detailing how this is traumatising for dd, how much worry and stress it has caused. Music teacher saw dd and talked at to her about her anxiety then told her she has to get over it, gave her a stern talking to and said she must go to her with any problems and she will be expected to perform all other pieces in front of the whole class as it's not fair on the others if dd is the only one who doesn't perform.

We're furious at the teachers comments .. dd masks her autism and I strongly believe the teacher would not have spoken to her in this way if her autism was easy to see. I have a meeting with the senco tomorrow to discuss this and other issues.

[pannetone]

Interhigh has a more limited range of subjects than brick school but covers all the 'essentials' _ Maths, English Language, English Lit, Physics, Chemistry, Biology, History, Geography, French and Spanish can all be taken as GCSEs. No music, DT, Art, Drama, ICT and RE though. Interhigh works as a normal school in that you are part of a class and have lessons at a set time in the different subjects - just online! DS's timetable in Y8 (he didn't do Spanish) was 2 hours of lessons each morning. Homework is set to be submitted online.

An EHCP will name the school your child will attend - or it could be another arrangement for their education eg home schooling. If you want your DC to move to another school/change the arrangement you have to apply for a review of the EHCP.

[senvet]

Frazzled -
NAS is National Autistic Society. Sorry I forgot to explain that one.

The NAS own schools, and they are Private/Indie School, and all their schools are special schools.

Both Local Authority Schools and Academies are called "maintained schools" in the Special Needs School Jargon because the funding comes from central govenrment for an Academy and from Local Government for your traditional State School. An Academy often has a sponsor, eg the Catholic Schools Group - but the sponsors do not have to fund the teachers etc from their own funds: the Sunday Collections at Catholic Churches are not going to pay all those teachers!

The National Autistic Society also has a helpline staffed by trained volunteers who can help you with all the letters and with understanding the law etc

Ring 0808 800 4102 and leave a message - they can allocate a volunteer who will call you back.

In your shoes I would

1. get a National Autistic Society volunteer and
   
2. apply for an EHCP as soon as possible.
   
   You can tell the school and LA that you know it will take time for a decision about an EHCP and, if necessary, a Tribunal appeal to be heard, and that will give the school and LA plenty of time to increase the funding and see if it does enough for DC.
   
   I am suggesting that you use this calm and polite approach with the school and LA because getting frustrated and tetchy with the halfwits school/LA may make them dig in, and that will make it harder for DC to get what he needs.
   
   For the same reason, you could say something like
   "If the extra funding does not work, then the requirement in the code of practice for early intervention will also have been met, so it is good for everyone."
   
   Hope this helps, and keep the questions coming

[Schrodingersmum]

Just to add, there is talk of IT at Interhigh from September which pleases Schrodinger junior emourmously

[frazzledbutcalm]

Sen .. that's great thank you, that's a good approach/wording.
Panne .. only 2 hours? How do they learn everything?
Schrod .. I hope they include IT for your ds

I've been talking to dd about moving schools - to a smaller middle school. Had dd at the GP on Monday, she confirmed her 'breathing problems' are anxiety/panic attacks.

[youarekiddingme]

Oh bless her frazzeled

[frazzledbutcalm]

I've kept dd off school today... we've been away in the caravan for 3 days of the holidays. We came back yesterday, the first thing she did was get her bag and look at the 6 pieces of homework she had set for over the holidays! - She just broke down immediately
I've rang the school this morning and said she's not coming in due to anxiety/stress, the senco was unavailable so is ringing me back. I've rang the smaller middle school and their senco is ringing me back today also.

[thornrose]

OP I really urge you to take all the great advice you've had here. I wish I had asked for advice before choosing dd's High school.

She is now in year 10 in a mainstream school and she has had what I would call a complete breakdown.

I am about to start the fight to move her to an independent school for children with autism and LDs. At least her last couple of years at school may not be hell.

Oh how I wish I hadn't encouraged my poor dd to carry on going to a school that she clearly hated and that on reflection was unable to meet her needs.

It is my one and only regret in life. I'm so sorry if this sounds terribly dramatic.

[thornrose]

Broken pretty much describes dd right now.

[frazzledbutcalm]

thorn .. I'm taking all the advice. Secno at middle school rang me back, we're meeting there on Wednesday then if we all decide dd would be best there we're taking her for a visit separately. I'm not sure dd is asd enough to warrant an asd school if that makes sense? You don't sound dramatic at all, I feel dd1 has missed her chance due to us all not seeing her true problems, I don't wand dd2 (who this thread is about) to suffer the same. I'm doing what I hope is right for her, I'm just not sure I know what is right for her. I hope your dd will be ok

[Ineedmorepatience]

Hi frazzled you did exactly the right thing keeping your Dd off today in my opinion.

I have been dreading Dd3 having a complete breakdown for several years now which is why we dont force her to go to school on days when she isnt coping.

I really hope the smaller school is a better environment for your Dd.

We are counting down the days now until we can get Dd3 out of her massive school!

thorn sorry to hear about your Dd

[thornrose]

frazzled that makes perfect sense. All we can do is what we think/hope is right. I hope it all works out, it sounds really promising.

Thanks everyone for the kind words about dd, it means a lot.

[pannetone]

Glad you have plans in place frazzled - sorry that school is so difficult for your DD ATM.

I echo what all the others have said about making the move for DD having checked out the middle school. Suffering from anxiety at school can really damage long term mental health. We probably kept my DS in his secondary for too long (and he only did a term!) - the knock on effects of that experience are partly why even a year on he is only managing mornings at his new school - some of his anxirty is 'anticipatory' - he can remember how bad things got for him in his first secondary.

[frazzledbutcalm]

Senco at existing school says that if a child with asd gets too low/depressed/low self esteem etc it's really, really hard to get them back 'up' - much harder than 'normal' children.

Thanks ineed .. I get confused (for want of a better word) because in my heart I feel I should never send dd into school, but I can't keep her off every day. If I asked her she'd say she'd want to stay at home and never ever go to school. I'm hoping with support in the smaller school she'll be a lot better. If not I'll have to home school. Congratulations on your tribunal news!

panne ... It doesn't feel like a plan I hope your ds goes from strength to strength.

Existing senco has phoned tonight and was lovely. She's sorting the homework business. She's very supportive, still helping us with advice for other schools and doing the top up funding and referrals/meetings with LIST team and autism worker even though we're probably leaving.

[Ineedmorepatience]

That is good news about the senco frazzled , in terms of knowing when to send your Dd, I have that problem too, today Dd3 asked me not to make her go but to be fair she wasnt objecting to much so I just asked her to get dressed and she did. If she had continued to object and refused to get dressed I wouldnt have sent her!

I did say in the tribunal how hard it is to make that decision

[frazzledbutcalm]

Well as I expected, dd has gone to bed holding back tears ... she doesn't want to go to school. What do I do? I honestly believe that if I leave it to her she wouldn't go to school at all, any day. How do you know when to keep them off?

[senvet]

I can't be the only one who is beginning to be concerned that inserting so many ASD/C kids into mainstream schools is doing more harm than good....

[Ineedmorepatience]

I wish I could help you frazzled as you know we have reached the end of our journey with mainstream school.

We are going to take 2 yrs out to recover (all of us) and then try again in a very small vocational college for yr10!

I cant make the call about whether to send Dd3 anymore, we are all unhappy and cant continue.

I hope you can reach a decision that works for your family, its a very tough one

[Ineedmorepatience]

I agree in a way polter but in the support group that I run there are very many of us who are having terrible school issues! Having said that my LA got rid of the autism advisory teachers and we dont have any asd specific schools at all so we are all stuck with mainstreams trying to be inclusive when they really havent a clue!!

[thornrose]

My dd attacked my violently on Sunday night because I said she had to go back to school on Monday. She went to stay with my mum to give us both some space. I said she could stay off today and tomorrow.

Dd is so attached to me, she still sleeps in my bed most nights but she hasn't called me or asked to speak to me since yesterday. I just texted my mum to find out how dd is. She doesn't ever want to come home because I will send her to school.

I work full time, I can't take time off. My mum is retired and it's not fair to expect her to have dd every day. I am lost.

[frazzledbutcalm]

That's awful thorn .... schools just don't see any of our problems with our dc because they mostly happen at home. It's so frustrating.
I hope your dd gets the help she/you both need.

I've kept dd off this morning. I'm hoping she might go in this afternoon but we'll see. I'm not pushing her this time.