For anyone who finds themselves always being relentlessly positive in rl - a thread to just say...

[hazeyjane]

....aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaggggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

yes it is great that ds's hearing loss is only mild, and yes you are right at least hearing aides these days are probably really great etc etc.

But, it is also fucking unfair.

There, that's all I wanted to say.


So if anyone wants a vent, scream or to say something that normally causes the person your talking to suddenly look embarrassed and leave the room, please feel free to say it here.

s and s

[ouryve]

No, he's not being naughty and he doesn't even know who Santa is, never mind give a shit about whether he comes round at some unspecified and unimagined time in the future. This is a boy having a meltdown. He is in a state of panic because can can not walk past the surgery without walking in, sitting down, then walking out again and it's fucking closed!!!! And no, he's not ignoring you. He actually can't talk and he doesn't know who you are so isn't going to respond until he's worked out what to do with you!

[claw2]

The thing is Star I actually get excited when ds manages to attend school without self harming for a few days! How my expectations have lowered and things I just took for granted with my 'nt' boys.

Gone are the days when my worst worry was my 'nt' boys coming home with head lice! ARRRRRGGGGGH again just for that!

[namechangerplenteous]

'We have only ever acted in your child's best interests'.
'It's not been easy for us either you know'.
'He is making the wrong choices'.
'All relevant staff are experienced and trained'.
'We only excluded with a heavy heart'.
'The LA considers us a centre of excellence'

AAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaghhhhhhhh


Stick that stinking carrot right up your ***

[Anniemousse]

'They ALL do that you know'
Ie you are batshit crazy and your boy is 'normal' and you have managed to hoodwink several professionals too

[MariaBoredOfLurking]

Aargh. Yes, I'm lucky he's bright

No, I haven't looked at tutoring him for the 11+
No, I'm really not worried about the comprehensive's ofsted
No, lack of grade 1 piano isn't something that concerns me
No, you can't cure his autism by getting a loan for private school and a smaller class. No, there is no secondary school that'll take him without being forced to.

Really, I'm not a secret tiger mother. Honestly, please believe me when I tell you. Just getting everyone safely home from school, ideally without major violence, is my priority target for this term. I'm not lying, not exaggerating, and will be ecstatic if we can reliably pull that achievement off.

[2boysnamedR]

Yes you always have to show how 'strong and intelligent' you are ( really? Ds has sen, not me)

'You'll get ther in end!' Has pissed me off the most this week from senco. Where? Where will get? Up shit creek with no paddle? In a massive pile of stinking poo? A young offenders institute? With no map to guide me I'm quite frankly locked in a pitch black room fumbling for the door knob without the faintest glimmer of hope to guide me. Smile resolutely saying yes we will get there while wishing 'there' was down the pub tonight getting pissed as a fart because reality is being up till 2 am writing evidence for statutory assessment.

[2boysnamedR]

Maria - I was explaining this week that I'm not pissed because ds isn't looking good for Eton's admission criteria - we're talking about breathing in and out and not getting himself killed by his own reckless hand

[MariaBoredOfLurking]

I do wonder why people get so wound up about maximising every last fragment of their dc's education. All that stress for minimal difference: how on earth can people think its worth the effort. And they think I'm nuts for chafing a statement.. er, not through choice, mate

[MariaBoredOfLurking]

Chasing... though typo was apt: it is an irritating pain in the bum

[LuvMyBoyz]

And me... Aaaaaarrrrrrrggggggghhhhhhh

Coming up to retirement with a dependent young man who will be with us for some time to come. 'Oh it's not so different from us...the family are around all the time...can't get rid of them!'

BUT YOU DON'T HAVE TO CONTINUALLY SUPERVISE YOUR ADULT OFFSPRING, YOU INSENSITIVE GIT!

Venting is alright!!

[StarlightMcKenzie]

Oh no Luv. Your retirement makes me very sad.

Though I quite understand you refusal to continue for MY happiness.......

[LuvMyBoyz]

Happily, Star, not for a few years yet (unless the relentless pressure drives me out sooner).

[TOWIELA]

namechangerplenteous 'We have only ever acted in your child's best interests'.

Argggggggggggggggggg

[StarlightMcKenzie]

We don't want to stifle his independence...

[Zipadeedoodah]

The "we are all on the spectrum" comment made me chuckle! I had forgotten that one.....and also the " he is doing very well for his level but...." What the f does that mean??
The hardest thing about having an SEN child is being patronised by so may professionals who will be in his life for a relatively fleeting moment.
Sorry, I am reasonable person but it feels so good to have a rant ! Before going back to nodding, smiling and saying nothing !

[AMumGoingMad]

Of course he's not going to be deaf next week / year / when he's an adult, he'll grow out of it!

And of course watching Thomas Drayton Manor advert on repeat is just fine, all boys love Thomas don't they, nothing wrong with that.

[frizzcat]

He's a lovely boy - I FUCKING KNOW

But he's really come on though - I FUCKING KNOW THAT TOO, BUTS NEVER ENOUGH IS IT!?

You'd never really notice the difference - NO? I DIDN'T FUCKING REALISE THE REST OF THE POPULATION TALKED TO THEMSELVES AND THERE'S ME WORRYING THAT IT WILL SINGLE HIM OUT AND MAKE HIM VUNERABLE TO ATTACK FROM IGNORANT FUCKERS WHEN HE'S OLDER ... silly me!

"They" do that don't "they" - YES, YES THAT'S RIGHT, PEOPLE WITH ASD ARE FROM AUTISTICA, THEY LIKE TO BE CALLED AUTISTICS AND DUE TO SOME MANIC INTER-BREEDING IN AUTISTICA, IT MEANS THAT THEY ARE ALL EXACTLY ALIKE. NOW FUCK OFF KNOBHEAD

phew

[MariaBoredOfLurking]

Not just us though... I feel quite sorry for the colleagues of certain professionals I deal with. At least I don't have to deal with them 5 days a week.

[elliejjtiny]

Joining in with an ARGH

"DS2 has been very active today" Great, just hope I can get them all home from school before the meltdown from hell starts.

"Poor little love" said about DS4 by every random stranger. So I smile and nod and say "he's doing really well actually" even though he's not because I'm desperate to be a "normal mum" and do "normal things" even though there is nothing normal about my life.

"I'd like to visit you at home so we can have a proper talk about how you are". From the HV who is just waiting for me to crack under the pressure.

I'd love to be one of those mums who breezily say "oh I haven't seen the health visitor since the 6 week check" and haven't had to have extra pages for weight and comments in the red book.

[StarlightMcKenzie]

Though I did have an Autism advisory teacher once tell me: 'His autism isn't going to go away Mrs Starlight'.

Erm, okay so I'll just give up any expectations and aspirations for him then.

Miserable negative cow!

[StarlightMcKenzie]

Oh yes bfing HV who made me cry at her utter incompetence at knowing how to deal with tongue tie and lip tie: 'I think you are maybe feeling quite fragile now, am I right?'

My reply: 'No, I'm quite strong actually and my tears are relief that I have been right all along that I am utterly alone and that service providers will only help according to their own agenda. I won't be phoning my team HV to find out about services she can offer. I'm not interested in any 'offer' only our needs being met, which quite clearly won't be. Goodbye forever!!!!!!!'

[MooMummyMoo]

To my DD's one to one who after seeing me every day carrying my DD up the stairs to her classroom while also carrying her school bag and walking frame, and trying to hold my other 2 yr old DD's hand, tells me "i'd offer to come down in the morning to help you up the stairs but I know you'll want to keep doing it so you are always able to"

....umm.....yes....great, thanks...

[Doomsday2014]

"Are you sure he's got ASD? He must be quite mild - he smiled at me and looked me in the eye and he can talk..."

Um, yes he has and no he isn't

[marchduck]

Can I join in too please? Arrrgh!
I've been there with the "aww, she's so happy" and " but she's so beautiful" comments.
She is - but allied to her communication difficulites and lack of social awareness, I fear that she will be vulnerable when she is older when I can't be with her all time
But never mind, it could be worse. Arrgh!

[elliejjtiny]

"At least he's not autistic/got learning difficulties" from people who don't have dc's with autism/learning disabilities

"you've got your hands full" from the "nice" bus drivers

"already got a pram on love" from the not nice bus drivers when I'm with DS2 in his WHEELCHAIR

"you've got so much on your plate" from the HV said in a patronising voice and headshaking that she reserves for the really desperate cases.