God what do I do with my poor DS?

[inappropriatelyemployed]

He couldn't get to school at all today. He has only been going in for part of the day with me. He was wailing and crying about putting his uniform on and how he can't cope.

Where do we go from here? His third school. One period of HE already. School will do whatever they can but he can't cope and I worry I am damaging his mental health.

He finds it so hard to explain how he feels but he can';t cope with kids at school. We went to a special school to look around yesterday and he wouldn't look in the classes and got visibly stressed out at a glimpse of a child in a far off corridor.

What do you do?? CAMHS? HE? This can't go on.

[flowwithit]

My ds developed this as he got older and more aware I think. He just doesn't like children he doesn't know for some reason.
What are online schools like?

[inappropriatelyemployed]

Flow this is exactly what my reasoning is. He has realised the difference between him and his peers and finds it too hard.

[flowwithit]

Yes I think you are right about that. It's very difficult to solve though. We have tried very hard to build our ds confidence but his default seems to be anxious worry or confusion. We have also thought hard about what support would help with that at school and I think that it's either something he will get used to or not. My ds seems uncomfortable being himself especially out of our house and he hates feeling different.

[flowwithit]

Also he doesn't want to meet other children with ASD because he says 'they are so strange' even though he has never met anyone else with ASD.

[inappropriatelyemployed]

DS goes to an NAS group and says he is more comfortable with children with ASD.

[flowwithit]

Thats a good sign for s school then perhaps your ds would feel more comfortable there after a time. I think if I could get my ds to go to an asd group he might actually find that to but at the moment he is wary of all children his age or older.
My ds is nearly 13 so bit of an awkward age anyway I suppose.

[inappropriatelyemployed]

This is one of the reasons he doesn't want to move. But I hate this place now! I know it is irrational.

[flowwithit]

You are probably just feeling exhausted at the moment. It sounds like you need a bit of a breather to get your energy back again then you will be able to make a clearer decision.

[inappropriatelyemployed]

Thanks flow. I think you're right.

[inappropriatelyemployed]

The Briteschool looks interestesting. Have you used it?

As for the other suggestions, well wow, I would love to do something wild and different if I had the dosh!!

[inappropriatelyemployed]

Do you want to sponsor me to eat choccy biccies? It's a start and all I am fit for!!

[inappropriatelyemployed]

I will look into it. Living from day to day at the moment and its so stressful.

[KOKOagainandagain]

DS1 was scared of other DC too. The SALT and OT sensory assessments he had in the run up to tribunal show how problems combine to make both the physical and social worlds scary and unpredictable places that can lead to overload each occasion the child enters that environment so that the child never becomes desensitised/used to it/able to cope with more.

If I were you I would not just consider the short-term (however overwhelming the day to day is now) but what you want to happen for the rest of his education. Perhaps it would be best to divert your energies from trying to make the statement work in the m/s to selecting an indi ss and getting him in the right place now otherwise you/he will have the transition to secondary to contend with.

In the meantime the best thing to do for your and his mental health and well-being and tactically is to get him out of school. Make sure the absence is authorised. Get him signed off by the GP for now but this will need to be backed up by a consultant. He will remain on the roll and be entitled to a home tutor. Make sure you get the right tutor as an inappropriate one is likely to be the first one available rather than the right one (who is likely to be in more demand). The LA will see this arrangement as temporary and will want to find somewhere for him. m/s has not worked. Do the LA have suitable maintained ss? Can provision be increased to make the m/s work and what would be the cost difference between this and indi ss?

Had our Tribunal progressed it would have been shown that the cost of the package to deliver only some of the support required in the m/s was actually more expensive than placement in OOC indi specialist school that could provide all the support. DS1 left primary school on SA+, no SALT, no OT, no 1:1 and around 3 hours support (interventions, small group, whole class combined).

You need to work out where you would want him to go. A lot of ss I have seen mix DC that externalise anxiety with those who internalise it. I would say that the most important thing to reduce anxiety is to find a similar peer group and to have a consistent, structured routine in a low stimulous environment which minimises sensory input.

[inappropriatelyemployed]

Thanks keeping. It is such a nightmare to have to drag the poor chap through all these assessments constantly.

I agree with you on focussing on the long term. I spoke to my solicitor/barrister last week and they say there is a failure to educate and that this needs sorting now and in the long-term so have suggested getting an EP report under legal aid.

I also agree with you on the difficulty of finding the right placement. I have to say I have not yet seen anywhere that has a similar peer group of anxious Aspies. The Aspie specific schools seem to have a lot of children who externalise their anxieties as you suggest.

Do PM me if you have suggestions!

[KOKOagainandagain]

AS specific schools were not appropriate for DS1 who also has SpLD.

In reality the supposedly SpLD schools have LA funded pupils with complex needs (there is no way an LA would fund indi ss for 'just' dyslexia) - either AS + anxiety or dyslexia + anxiety or AS + SpLD + anxiety. The common feature is anxiety secondary to ASD/SpLD. The child has to complete an evaluation and an important criteria is whether the DC already there think they will fit in/are like them. Externalisers are weeded out as they would increase the anxiety levels of all the DC.

You need to ask yourself whether DS's main barrier to learning is AS or anxiety and whether it will ever be possible to reduce that anxiety atm in the m/s. Yes, there is clearly failure to educate but maybe any m/s school would fail. Maybe you need to look at schools for secondary anxiety (not EBD). You might find that the anxious Apsies are here.

wrt EP you should seriously consider using Ruth Birnbaum. She wrote a book about choosing an SEN school and we used her to carry out a 3 hour visit to the LA named school to assess its suitability. I know that assessments are a trial (DS1 had 10 in the last 10 months!). RB's school visits don't involve him. You can also arrange for her to visit your school of choice - ideally whilst he does an evaluation. I would imagine she would want to assess him first though.

I'm not really sure what you are trying to get your solicitor/barrister to achieve . I was just thinking that maybe your money and energies were best diverted.

[inappropriatelyemployed]

Thanks.

The barrister is one of the country's leading specialists on children with disabilities and he has recommended judicial review on failing to educate.

This is not failing to arrange the provision in the statement.

The argument here is clearly that the LA know the statement is not fit for purpose but have done nothing as DS's schooling disintegrates and he ends up out of education. This includes failing to identify his needs and what the appropriate setting would be.

We are looking to get an EP report under this claim. He has recommended someone else - also very well known.

The problem with some SpLD places is that they don't have AS understanding. DS's has social communication difficulties beyond mere anxiety and it is not just structure which will help but expert support in teaching communication skills.

[KOKOagainandagain]

It is not just structure but the provision of onsite SALT and OT. Even if he did not have the ASD diagnosis, DS1 would 'qualify' (ie over 5 years behind) for a SLCN statement. In quantifiable terms, the SpLD are the least of his problems. SALT is not only given for at least 1 hour per week 1:1 but embedded in teaching, plus a SALT led social skills group. No matter how good the m/s school DS is unlikely to/will never get that.

In real life it is difficult to separate social communication difficulties and anxiety as they exacerbate each other. So target both.

I don't know the best way to proceed legally but I would want to get DS signed off, call an emergency review, argue breakdown of placement, stress desire to get DS into school rather than HE, need to find the right place, name it and if the LA don't agree then appeal. Having never got to this stage I don't even know if this is possible but I think it helps to know what you want to achieve and then work backwards. There are usually several possible routes. I assume that you have chosen what you believe is likely to be most successful. Its a bit like a kaleidoscope though - how does the picture look with DS out of school?

[inappropriatelyemployed]

Thanks Keeping. I think the problem I have is that the main SpLD school locally has already said they could not meet his needs. I think he is beyond them really and I do wonder about the expertise of straightforward SpLD schools regarding ASD and their ability to meet ASD needs in practice, particularly after the SE saga.

Another SpLD school said he was too academically able.

So I am afraid I can't set my cap at some particular school and work backwards. I think a new EP report is a starting point. I don't want just get someone to report to justify a particular school placement. I am doubtful after discussing this at length with a variety of practitioners that there is such a thing as the right school for DS.

I thinks a flexible or more creative package of some sort might be the answer.

[Icedcakeandflower]

Hi IE, I would be interested in finding out more about "failing to educate". My LA has named a school for ds in spite of that school saying it can't meet his needs.

I've just done a quick google and not found anything of any value. Would you be able to suggest any link?

[Icedcakeandflower]

OK, I've just found this

www.sossen.org.uk/reports/Judicial_Review.pdf

I think i'll give either them or IPSEA a call next week.

Hope you're enjoying some sunshine today

[inappropriatelyemployed]

I would recommend SOS-SEN. I have always found IPSEA a little 'lightweight' on trickier matters,

SOS-SEN were very strident on this when I spoke to them.

[Icedcakeandflower]

Thanks