Help me be nice....

[StarlightMcKenzie]

I have a disagreement with ds' school. It's quite big.

I don't really want to put much of the details on here because they are a good and nice school and don't deserve to be picked apart.

But how can I be nice, and not upset anyone whilst making it clear I am not happy about something.

You'd think I'd know. But in the past it was always about being reasonable and polite, realising that any implied friendship was just about them using as much of their tool as guilt as they possibly could.

With this school it is more genuinely about being friends - I hope.

So what? Take party bags? booze perhaps?

[lougle]

"I think staff can't possibly understand his capability if he hasn't engaged because he'll just come across as if he hasn't understood an instruction, when the reality is he wasn't listening."

Star, if they are a specialist school, this should be their bread and butter.

Of course engagement is essential, but that's like ASD/SN 101. Not something that they should need to be taught.

[StarlightMcKenzie]

but he's not ENGAGING in the group work, which is why the necessity for the positive behaviour book, to give him social praise for attending/engaging, iyswim, that is backed up at home.

Though they don't want to do it. Although maybe they know nothing of it and it is the 'gatekeeper' that is refusing to allow it!?

[StarlightMcKenzie]

Though they're not an ASD school.

They spend quite a bit of time insisting to all newcomers that they are not a school for primary ASD needs. It's kind of the deal I think and if ASD becomes the primary need, they're not slow in showing you an exit pass from my understanding.

[StarlightMcKenzie]

Mareeya, - you know what? I think I well deserve my loonymom title after all, - if being 'sensible' means losing integrety.

[StarlightMcKenzie]

Lougle You may well be right. Maybe they know what they are doing.

But I do too.

Why can't we reap the benefits that working in partnership should bring?

[MareeyaDolores]

You're not losing integrity. Just delaying its public manifestation till you've trained the staff . You wouldn't show ds your programme for his learning to age 18, he wouldn't understand it (at the moment).

[moondog]

'The thing is, the whole POINT of him being there is to learn how to learn in a group. So I'll be pulling him out of a group learning environment, to teach him how to learn in a group, without actually HAVING a group'

Quite. Being in a setting having to rub along with other people is always preferable to being home alone with mum.
I have known some very odd folk who have pursued ABA home programmes for years, and who obsessively control everyone their child comes into contact with. That's not what life is about-for any of us.

I consider school for socialisation and home for most of the real meaty learning (maths, reading, handwriting and so on). It pisses me off no end because why should I have to do this stuff when someone else is paid to do it (on top of a 9-5 job helping scores of children who belong to other people's children) but I have long accepted that I am better equipped to understand about learning and teaching and presenting and ensuring information is retained than those whose job it is.

[StarlightMcKenzie]

yes. I can see your point Moondog but WHERE is there time for that in his day?

Or do I cram the weekends and make a very organised schedule for the holidays (he has a bit more than state schools).

[moondog]

I know.
That is a jaw droppingly long day.
You have said there is a lot of good stuff gonig on there too. Presumably that outweighs the bad.
Even the best settings aren't perfect.
I am dubious about a lot of what my kids do and the competencies of those who teach them but they are a.) good people b.) try their best c.) work with me.

[moondog]

Of course they don't.
It's much harder for people who HE though and harder still to arrange good social situations for kids with SN who are HE.

(I was home educated myself for a good few years, becasue we lived in a country that was so remote, our lessons were flown into us form another country!)

[inappropriatelyemployed]

I agree zzzz. It doesn't have to be an isolating process and it doesn't have to be forever.

Schools are not for everyone and school 'socialisation' can be a very artificial and weird form of socialization that bares very little connection to the skills needed in real life.

DS can be very sociable but he is going to find that school is not always a helpful social environment for him.

Some HE kids I know get daily group interaction in a variety of settings

[inappropriatelyemployed]

Have a look to see what is around for HE in your area Star or just flexi for the odd afternoon which will surely make no difference in terms of what he is missing but will give you a chance to work on skills.

[MareeyaDolores]

There's home educating, by choice or necessity

and there's the extreme choice of barely-leave-the-home brainwashing (I DON'T mean those whose dc are having a sensory-agoraphobic-breakdown phase)

The second is linked with extreme oddness, but is probably a symptom rather than a cause.

[MareeyaDolores]

you're alright
I only think entirely NT families are weird

[inappropriatelyemployed]

Yes, indeed those NT families drive me insane!

[StarlightMcKenzie]

I have no idea why his taxi picks him up at 7:30am. School doesn't start until 8:50 and it is only 12mins drive away

BUT, and this is a strange but really. DS LOVES his taxi-mates. They are all older children and indulge his interests, as well as repremand him when appropriate, and look after him.

I have absolutely NO feedback from that and yet, I know it is a good experience for him.

[MareeyaDolores]

I've seen HE be amazing, and I've seen it go really wrong as well . And included under 'going wrong' are some of the thousands of parents who take on full-day support and education from 16-25.

Having your SN dc simply kicked out of school (at 16, or maybe before) with no skills, their mental health shot to pieces, no diagnosis and maybe one interview with a connexions worker who says 'have you thought about trying a literacy course' is an even bigger scandal than the appalling 5-16 provision.

[inappropriatelyemployed]

I agree but where HE is wrong for some and works for others, so does school.

At least as many children are failed by being in a crap system not working for them because of some dogma that school is best, as are being failed by being out of it.

[moondog]

The taxi/bus ride.
Utterlu underrated part of the day.
Some of those drivers/escorts are the best thing to happen to those kids, primarily because they aren't part of the professional SEN army.
What on earth are they doing for nearly 90 minutes though before school?
Could oyu take him yourself one or two days a week? Then you get to see the staff in a relaxed way.

[MareeyaDolores]

yy moondog

Some truly amazing people work as bus escorts
I think the best equation is common sense plus wide life experience, multiplied by kindness personified