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Here are some suggested organisations that offer expert advice on special needs.

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Here are some suggested organisations that offer expert advice on special needs.

SN children

Help me be nice....

132 replies

StarlightMcKenzie · 27/02/2013 17:27

I have a disagreement with ds' school. It's quite big.

I don't really want to put much of the details on here because they are a good and nice school and don't deserve to be picked apart.

But how can I be nice, and not upset anyone whilst making it clear I am not happy about something.

You'd think I'd know. But in the past it was always about being reasonable and polite, realising that any implied friendship was just about them using as much of their tool as guilt as they possibly could.

With this school it is more genuinely about being friends - I hope.

So what? Take party bags? booze perhaps?

OP posts:

Report

MareeyaDolores · 07/03/2013 19:21

The charge is probably the external manifestation of an internal fight

such as the LA says SS should fund parent support sessions, or the NHS used to chip in and then pulled the funding, or something.

MareeyaDolores · 07/03/2013 19:23

If a task is resisted,

it's simply too hard,
or associated with an aversive
or the motivator is insufficient / too delayed.

Which d'you think?

StarlightMcKenzie · 07/03/2013 19:27

Probably a bit of 2 and 3.

But I think because the system hasn't been explained to the doers in terms of their gains. It's parents evening shortly. I have 5 minutes with each teacher. I bet they've not even bloody heard of the system as applied to ds.

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StarlightMcKenzie · 07/03/2013 19:28

I reckon 2 in terms of it wasn't their own idea (except it flippin was).

I dunno. I'm so fed up.

OP posts:

StarlightMcKenzie · 07/03/2013 19:49

Maybe I can take him out of school once a week. Then I can do what I want with him, and home school.

My biggest stress is if they aren't meeting his needs, how can I make up the shortfall when he gets home after a long day (taxi picks him up at 7:30am) and is tired.

Has anyone ANY idea how I would go about doing THAT?

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PolterGoose · 07/03/2013 19:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

StarlightMcKenzie · 07/03/2013 19:59

4pm.

currently he then goes swimming for a lesson at 4:30 and we get home by 5:30.

Time for a risky headsprout session, dinner and bed.

OP posts:

PolterGoose · 07/03/2013 20:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

moondog · 07/03/2013 20:09

Leaves the house at 7:30.
Gosh!!!
I personally think it is really disruptive to remove children from the daily school setting for some of the week. Those children are never quite in the groove.

StarlightMcKenzie · 07/03/2013 20:13

I would worry that he would be seen as a part-timer and staff would not take him as seriously.

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moondog · 07/03/2013 20:14

They will do exactly that and question your commitment to the school and him.

lougle · 07/03/2013 20:21

I'm wondering if you are expecting too much of yourself, here, Star. If he is less engaged at school, that is for school to manage. They need to find a route into him. As long as you are reinforcing the message that school is a good place and so on, then really, I'm not sure how much you can do at home.

Perhaps a better approach would be for you to identify things that would reinforce them to him? So, perhaps if he was to take in a tape measure and you wrote in the book 'DS has been enjoying measuring things that are bigger than 1m tall.' Once the teacher showed interest in that, they would become a more important thing in his eyes, I'd imagine?

I'm not suggesting you haven't done this, by the way, just that it might be worth revisiting?

For example, DD1's school has a 'focussed conversation' around 6 weeks into the first term of each year. It's an opportunity to discuss the stretching targets that teachers will set for our children, but also an opportunity to say what we observe at home. I was able to tell the teacher that DD1 loves cooking and she tells Grandad when to stop if he pours flour onto the scale, etc. The teacher then uses that in her lesson planning, to tap into the interests of the children.

StarlightMcKenzie · 07/03/2013 20:26

Grrrrrrr. I just don't know what to do. They're a good school, I'm pretty sure. And ds has made progress there, and he is safe there.

Having been on the journey I have, I realise that in terms of what can be expected that is pretty good going, but my god, it isn't anything like what I feel he should be entitled to, just as a basic provision. It could be so much better with very small concessions.

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inappropriatelyemployed · 07/03/2013 20:28

That is a very long day Star. My DS is much older and I know how difficult and unfair it can be to overload him after school - difficult for you too.

What would make you feel happier Star? I have flexi-schooled when necessary and it has been absolutely fine in short bursts. Would the school be happy with this? Would you feel happier and more in control? He is still very young.

Alot of the school day is padded out by stuff that children can easily afford to miss at that age - IMHO

PolterGoose · 07/03/2013 20:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

inappropriatelyemployed · 07/03/2013 20:33

Yes, Polter is very sensible. I agree. Take your time and think through all the options and variables.

StarlightMcKenzie · 07/03/2013 20:37

He's progressing, but not at the rate I feel he should be. That's quite significant.

I think the rate of progress is tied up hugely in his ability to engage and focus in lessons. I think staff can't possibly understand his capability if he hasn't engaged because he'll just come across as if he hasn't understood an instruction, when the reality is he wasn't listening.

I think it is such a central and key issue I'm really upset that this isn't being worked on by the school, despite the fact that it was his SALT that agreed the problem and proposed the solution, which is all that I am trying to get implemented.

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MareeyaDolores · 07/03/2013 20:43

You could keep him off for a couple of days with every sniffle

StarlightMcKenzie · 07/03/2013 20:44

Perhaps I could flexi-school for the summer term only? I feel he is running out of time.

The thing is, the whole POINT of him being there is to learn how to learn in a group. So I'll be pulling him out of a group learning environment, to teach him how to learn in a group, without actually HAVING a group.

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StarlightMcKenzie · 07/03/2013 20:44

drop his attendance?

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StarlightMcKenzie · 07/03/2013 20:45

His attendance is currently excellent (especially compared to many there who also have medical problems) so there is room for that.

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MareeyaDolores · 07/03/2013 20:46

I would be patient. Schools are like very demand-avoidant HFA dc, i think
They can be 'taught' but its often quicker and less stressy to gently facilitate them to arrive at the solution themselves

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inappropriatelyemployed · 07/03/2013 20:47

If you were only flexi schooling for part of the week, he would still get the benefit of group work etc

StarlightMcKenzie · 07/03/2013 20:48

But how?

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MareeyaDolores · 07/03/2013 20:48

and its not sensible to waste the work you've put in to lose your LoonyMom label. Go in too enthusiastically, and they'll start to sympathise with Herts

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